


Do Whatever Just To Stay Alive

by doctormambo



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Multi, Smut, but also love them, i hate them, so now you'll feel my pain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:48:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 95,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22452934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctormambo/pseuds/doctormambo
Summary: Anna Rodgas is the head mechanic around the Resistance base and tries her hardest to keep everything together, but with Poe Dameron's reckless nature, can she keep her cool and keep fixing everything?An angsty, fluffy fic about two idiots who fall in love during a war.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	1. The Start A Simple Touch

"Dameron!" the female voice shouted across the rebel base.

It was a familiar sound and most of the time people everywhere would ignore it but today it sounded like something other than an X-Wing engine was going to blow up. The muscular mechanic rubbed her forehead with her greasy hands and then started her way through the base, making her way straight for the pilot. Despite her soft features and usually calm demeanour, she was terrifying right now and most of the pilots were simply moving out of the way to avoid a hefty shove from her. Her quick strides stopped dead, merely inches away from Poe's face as he couldn't help but smile at her.

"What can I do for you, Anna?" he asked innocently.  
"Oh, I think you know Dameron," she almost hissed at him.  
"Oh, do I?" he mocked.  
"You need to realise that these crafts are not play things. They're finely tuned machines that you really need to start being a little more mindful of. You bring back one more craft with a burnt out anything, and I will hurt you," she was up on her tiptoes at this point, pressing her nose rough against his.

In moments like these most people had stopped paying attention for two reasons; one being that they had seen it before and so they weren’t really interested and the other was because they just didn't want to get involved. The two of them arguing was always just an awkward thing to get involved in, so avoiding it was definitely the best idea. It was also in moments like these that Poe's playful side wanted to come out and just plant a peck on her lips, just to try and throw her off her game. The main reason he never did this was because he was terrified that she would land a hard knee square between his legs and that was definitely something that he didn't want to experience.

"Okay, I promise, I'll take more care next time," he said semi-seriously.

Anna gave him a little grunt in reply before stomping off mumbling under her breath about how she wants to spend her afternoon kicking crap out of the flyboy. She was starting to get the feeling that he did this to wind her up, just to get a rise out of her because there was no way a pilot as good as him would ever treat a ship that badly. Yet here they were. Making her way back to the mechanic shop, she tried to stop herself from seething too badly or else she could end up trashing the X-Wing herself and that was just extremely counter productive.

“Look,” his voice came from behind her, as he rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m sorry, I get how hard you work, and you’re the best mechanic around here, but you know how hard it is to get your attention when I’m not trashing X-Wings…”  
“Dameron, if you wanna talk to me, just come and say hi, it’ll be a lot easier on both our blood pressures,” she said flatly, not even looking around to him.  
“Alright, I promise, I’ll stop being so reckless.”  
“Good,” she turned to face him, “is that everything now?”  
“Sure, I guess…”

Most people would have taken that as her cue to talk to him, or to say something else to start a conversation, but she just wanted him gone. Poe lingered for a moment before he finally realised that she wasn’t going to do that, so he finally walked off, leaving her to it. Maybe once she’d calmed down a little bit more, he’d be able to say something else to her, but for now, maybe it was just safer for the two of them to part for a while. She could cool down for a few moments and he could find out what he was supposed to be getting up to next. General Organa had mentioned something about trying to find a missing piece of a map to help find her brother.

Anna always tried to not be cold hearted and distant with people, but she was finding it harder and harder to let people close to her. Poe wasn’t a bad person and he certainly didn’t deserve her snippy responses and a normal person would probably apologise, but the stubborn mechanic would simply wait until she was sure he was definitely out of the workshop and turn to watch the last view of him as he disappeared. She sighed heavily and scratched her head as she started to try and figure out what she should do. Should she go after him and apologise, or just wait until the next time he was in her workshop and just be a little less aggressive? She still had to finish fixing his ship seeing as the thrusters and the shields were absolutely shot and he would want to head on another mission pretty soon if she knew him. If she knew he wouldn’t just take out a barely fixed ship and still do the mission instead of letting someone else take it with their ship that was fixed, she wouldn’t bother fixing his X-Wing. But as Poe was the type of guy who would go on a mission with a cockpit with a thruster tied to it, she would make sure that this ship was in the best condition it could be so he wouldn’t crash on his way to kill himself.

A few days passed and she had finally fixed everything up to the highest of standards, even sneaking in a higher powered thruster so those last minute getaways were a lot easier for the dramatic pilot. His BB unit rolled into the workshop with a little happy whistle and she couldn’t resist bending down onto one knee and greeting them. Of course, close behind was the flyboy, unable to suppress a small smirk as he slid into his leather jacket and then ran a hand through his hair. Anna looked up with a small eye roll and then back to BB-8, looking at them seriously.

“Make sure he brings this back in one piece for once, please.”  
“Don’t you worry, I’ll be in and out, no one will even know I was there.”  
“Why do I not believe you?”  
“Because, you have no faith in my skills, clearly,” he retorted playfully.  
“No, because I know that you can’t even walk into a room without announcing yourself, you flyboys are all the same,” she said, standing to her feet.  
“Alright, so we have a flare for the dramatics, you can’t blame us.”  
“Yes… I can entirely blame you.”  
“Yeah, okay, I’ll give you that one…”  
“Just to let you know, the thrusters have been upgraded,” she said matter of factly.  
“Aw, you did that for me?”  
“I did it for the mission. I know you’ll try and do some heroics, so at least this will get you out of there quicker.”  
“You know me too well,” he rubbed the back of his neck with a little smirk.  
“Just…” she swallowed hard, not wanting to say it, but knowing she had to, “just don’t die, okay?”  
“I promi-“  
“Don’t promise… you can’t promise something you don’t know the outcome of, just…” she started to get worked up and he could tell.  
“Hey,” he carefully took a step forward and took her hand, “I’ll try my best not to die, I won’t promise anything more, but whatever happens, you’ll be alright, I know that.”  
“How can you even say that? When have I ever been alright?” a shift to the sullen.  
“You’re stronger than you know, you’ve got through worse, you’re still here, after everything, you’re still the greatest mechanic here,” he squeezed her hand slightly.  
“Don’t,” she said breathlessly.  
“Don’t what? Don’t tell the truth? Don’t remind you how much you mean to this base, and the more you push me away, the more I’m gonna push back.”  
“Just… don’t. I don’t need to think about any of this, I just need to get back to fixing the rest of this fleet,” she pulled her hand away from him.  
He pulled her back in for a tight hug, tucking her underneath his chin. “I’ll do everything in my power to come back.”

She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her, holding onto her until she finally gave in, her arms slowly moving around Poe and letting the hug happen for real. She hated letting him in this way, but at least it was someone that she trusted and knew how he operated, he wasn’t a complete stranger. The two of them stayed in the hug for a moment, waiting for the other to break the hug, but for once, Anna didn’t want to do that. Her stubbornness was overridden by her desire for human contact, to feel vulnerable in just this one moment. All of them were expendable and she knew that it wouldn’t be long before she lost another person she didn’t want to. So for now, she could not think about that and instead think about how she had this person close to her. Eventually, she started to pull away, rubbing her eyes to make sure that he couldn’t tell that she had been tearing up the entire time.

“Right, get outta here, I really have some work to do.”

He didn’t leave instantly, instead, he slowly moved from the hug and held her hand, holding it as he left and not letting go of her until he was too far away for them to hold hands. She was no longer facing him, concentrating on her work bench with her back to him, yet she still stretched her arm backwards to make sure they could hold onto each other for the longest time possible. They both knew this could be their last moment with each other so they might as well make it last as long as possible. Poe worried about her, he always did, but he never knew how much he could push her and backed off maybe a little too easily sometimes. Maybe that would change if he survived this next mission, he would finally force her to listen to him fully, to make her finally let him in if it was the last thing he did.

He was gone. The moment he left was the moment her brain started to count how long it was going to be until he returned. It was supposed to be a somewhat simple mission but things always went in different directions when Poe was involved, and if the First Order got any kind of whiff of this, that would make it even more interesting. The problem was that things were too quiet without Poe causing a mess and she missed him. She hated missing him and if there was one thing she wished she could stop herself doing, it was beginning to have strong feelings about people in this way.

Days passed and Anna was starting to find it less and less likely that he was going to be returning and she inwardly started to berate herself for letting herself hope for just one moment. Every time she had hoped in the past, it hadn’t paid off, it always ended in misery for her and why would this time be any different. She didn’t want to dwell or think about it, but she had no choice, it wasn’t like her brain gave her a chance to forget about it. The only time that she ever got to forget about it was when she was working hard on repairs, fixing physical things meant she didn’t have to fix herself. The problem was that most of the times it meant she would fall asleep at her workbench as she worked or would lay awake for a few hours before being able to drop off in bed. Tonight was going to be hard.

She sat at her work bench and tried tinkering, small little jobs of fixing displays and things that went into engines, but it wasn’t helping. Not only was it harder to distract her brain from over thinking everything, but the ghosts from her past seemed to be taunting her. She needed to work on something more complicated, something sophisticated so she could overload her brain with things to do. She moved deeper into the workshop, seeing if there was anything that people had completely given up on that she could start to repair, that she could waste a few days on while she waited for the news. Finally, in a dark dusty corner, she found an Eta-2, something she could fix for no reason other than to give herself a challenge and not think.

Opening up the engine bay, she was simply met by rust and dust puffing up and straight into her lungs causing her to cough slightly before she cleared the air. She started to work on the engine, taking it apart piece by piece with delicacy, looking at the wires and making sure that she didn’t end up punching through any of the rust. As she engaged with the craft, she didn’t have to think about anything else, just what she was doing in this moment. The past melted away, the future didn’t matter, all that was a concern was if she was going to be able to get that last screw undone so she could get the cover off. This was the best way she could zone out and get through a few more hours.

Before she knew it, she was under the starship with the creeper trying to figure out if the power lines were in the right place at this moment. Despite it not exactly being the most comfortable, this was the moment that her eyes started to get heavy, but she didn’t want to let the tiredness win. Instead, she powered through, she’d been awake for at least two days, she was sure she could manage at least another one. Her eyes drooped for another moment and then opened her eyes wide to let herself wake up quickly. She shook her head, making sure that she got some blood flow before going back to looking at the wires and pipelines. The smell of what felt like home mixed with the dim lighting and cover of the Eta-2 gave her a false sense of comfort and security and she could no longer fight it and her eyes slipped closed.

It was comfortable in her sleep, warmth rushed over her as she could see the faces of all the people she had lost, the people that she believed that she was never going to see again. Her heart soared as she got to place a big sloppy kiss on her best friend’s cheek. She got to finally hold hands with the person she had fallen in love with but was too scared to tell her in case it disrupted missions. Even the guy on the team who she didn’t much like was there, but that didn’t matter because he was still her friend and the person who she knew would have her back no matter what the situation was. They were a family, they were going to look after each other no matter what was happening, even when Aldo was on everyone’s last nerve, even when Eliza was singing softly and splitting the team of whether she should carry on or shut up, they loved each other. She didn’t want to let any of them go but that would become the cruelty of dreams.

The comfort soon turned into bitterness as they began to turn on her, one by one remembering what she had done to them. How her stupid showing off had got her injured, too injured to take part in the next mission, the mission that saw all of them perish eventually. She could feel them growing colder, turning their backs on her for how she let them down, for how she could have been there to help them and to make sure the back was covered, but she wasn’t. Of course she wasn’t because she had to make her escape daring instead of practical, she could have simply gone in a straight line and been fine, she went for a manoeuvre to act as if she was being evasive and instead, it got her hit. Sure, she made it back to base, but she was injured pretty badly and had to stay laid up for a while, unable to be a vital part of the squadron that day. Aldo had been the only one who came back, laying in a bed, coughing up blood and crying while he held onto her tightly. It was her fault.

He pulled her close, burning behind his eyes as he glared at her. He slowly rasped, reminding her that they would be alive if it wasn’t for her. That she had killed them. And it was probably her stupidity that killed her dad. He had died of a broken heart that his daughter had been so reckless. She didn’t deserve to be the hero everyone made her out to be and she certainly didn’t deserve to ever be affiliated with those who died on that day, and she definitely didn’t deserve to share a surname with her dad. They all left and the warmth of the dream disappeared and became a nightmare of how alone she truly was, how she deserved to be because of the things she had done. She deserved to be nameless in this war and simply fade away once she was no longer needed, with no legacy to tell her story and no one to remember who she was.

A firm hand grabbed onto her ankle and pulled her out from under the craft and into the light of the workshop which jolted her from her sleep. Before they could register what she was doing, she quickly covered her face with her forearm to make out that she was trying to wipe away some of the dirt and grime from her face. She guessed at least someone had finally come looking for her, but she wasn’t sure what the news was going to be and part of her didn’t want to know, she wanted to stay in this purgatory. The look on their face suggested that maybe this wasn’t going to be the worst news she had got, but she could never be too sure how people were going to approach her. She sat up on the creeper and placed her feet on the floor, rubbing her eyes a little more to make sure that she had definitely covered up the crying. The fellow mechanic, Jal, offered a hand to help her up and she took it with a courteous smile.

“Dameron came back today, thought you’d wanna know,” he told her with a small smile. He had witnessed first hand how much she cared about that flyboy while trying to pretend she didn’t.  
“Oh, uh-” she was dazed, trying to find proper consciousness, “what state is he in?” she asked quietly, her voice nearly cracking.  
“Alive, he’s pretty banged up, exhausted, but give him a day or two and he’ll be back to wise cracking, I’m pretty sure of that,” he joked.  
“You think it’ll take him that long,” she said with a smirk.  
“Depends if I tell him I found you asleep under a wreckage while you waited for him to come back,” he smirked right back.  
“If you do that Jal, I can not be held accountable for what I do to you.”  
He laughed nervously, not sure if she was joking or not. “Alright, I promise, I won’t tell him, just… maybe splash your face first? Looks like you’ve been snorting grease.”

A little self-consciously, Anna rubbed under her nose and checked to see all the dirt from under the Eta-2 now on her skin. She would make her way to the medbay via her sleeping quarters so she could freshen up just a little bit before she saw what kind of a state Poe was in. She started to make her way out of the workshop and felt a small tap of encouragement from Jal, she gave him a smile and then made her way out and to her small quarters. There wasn’t much; a plant, a bed, a small wash basin, a mirror, and a little set of drawers, the drawers housed clothes and in the top drawer was little trinkets, holographs of her old crew, and her father’s medals. After a quick wash, she double checked to make sure that she was vaguely presentable but not like she had made too much effort to look good. She was over thinking this, wasn’t she? With a long exhale of breath, she finally made her way over to the medical bay.

The medic stopped her for a moment, letting her know that Poe was still a little bit groggy, but she was free to see him but not to expect anything apart from a few mumbles from him. She didn’t really care, she just wanted to see him to make sure that he wasn’t going to leave her any time soon, she didn’t think she could deal with losing another person. Once the medic was out of the way, she calmly made her way towards him and instantly felt her heart pounding in her chest. Why did he do this to her, why did she have to care so much about him? She took another long and deep breath and approached his bed. He was peaceful, for once there was no wisecracking or smirking and while it was sweet, part of her hated that because that wasn’t Poe, that wasn’t the man that she knew. Still, she didn’t want to disturb him, but there was still part of her that wanted to make sure that he was okay. Before she could do anything else, he started to stir, his eyes flickering open and that signature little smirk spreading across his lips.

“I at least came back this time,” he tried to laugh but was instantly stopped by the pain in his side.  
“Just not in one piece,” she tried to make light of the situation. “What happened?”  
“I was ambushed by the First Order, I don’t know how they knew, but they did…” Poe continued his story of capture, torture and the escape aided by a Stormtrooper he now named Finn. It sounded made up, but Anna knew he would never lie about an adventure. “But because of me, they now know BB-8 has the map…” he trailed off, like he had failed in someway.  
“You can’t blame yourself for that, he can find out whatever he wants from whoever he wants,” she went to take his hand but thought better of it, resting it on the bed next to his hand instead.  
“But now that kid’s out there with a target on his back,” he looked down, his eye catching how close her hand was to his but not confident enough to take it.  
“If he’s strong enough to betray the First Order, he’ll be strong enough to survive out there,” she tried to give him a reassuring smile.  
“I hope so…”

The two of them stopped in this moment, simply waiting for the sadness to subside, but both knowing that wouldn’t happen. He shifted slightly, a pain shooting up his side but trying his hardest not to show it. The cut on the side of his face opened ever so slightly, a few beads of blood pooling around it. Anna turned quickly and grabbed one of the clean pieces of cloth from the small bedside table, her hand on the bed moving even closer to his hand before she started to delicately dab at the wound. He winced ever so slightly, but let her continue to tend to him. As she moved back, she gave into her desire and tentatively took his hand. Without a word, he took her hand tightly, this small act making his realise how scared this whole situation was making him, but still refusing to show it in his face.

“You still made it back, that’s what’s important,” she said quietly.  
“I did promise I would,” his cocky smile finally returning.  
“I guess you are a man of your word,” she resisted rolling her eyes.  
“I always am, you should know me by now,” he was smug now, but still not letting go of her hand.  
“I know you too well if anything,” she wanted to reach out nurse his face once more, but would settle with just holding his hand.

Another moment of silence as the two of them tried to decide what should be said in these moments. She could tell that he wanted to say something more, that he wanted so much to talk about something that had happened to him in those moments, but she didn’t want to push him into talking about something he didn’t want to. He took a breath, long but shallow, as he tried to decide what his next words would be. His cool exterior melted away once more.

“I’m scared, Anna,” he said quietly.  
“I know,” she squeezed his hand ever so slightly.  
“You don’t…” he trailed off for a moment. “When he…” he couldn’t bring himself to say it, “I saw things I never wanted to see. Things are seared into my mind that I want to forget, but I’ll never be able to.”  
“Some of those things weren’t real, and they won’t ever be reality,” she said softly.  
“But what if they happen?” she had never heard him sound so terrified.  
“You are strong enough to deal with those things, I know you are, and if you’re not, I’ll be here to help you through them,” she finally gave in and leant forward, cupping his cheek softly.  
“You promise?” he leant into her hand, trying to give her his best cocky smirk but it was weak.  
“I…” she swallowed hard. The last time she had promised something, a lot of people she cared about died. “I promise,” she finally said.

He took the hand from his face and pulled her closer. He didn’t know the entirety of her story because she would never tell him what was going on in her head, but he knew that she struggled with promises of every kind. He lightly placed a kiss upon her forehead and then continued to pull her closer, not letting her leave him. At first, she was hesitant, simply because she wasn’t sure if this was because they wanted to stay together, or whether it was just because they had both realised they were just terrified children in this resistance that didn’t know what they were now going to do. He slowly shifted as she carefully pulled herself onto the bed, and laid on her side next to him. She draped her arm across his chest and placed her head on his chest, his arm seemed to fit perfectly around her as he pulled her closer.

“Stay with me tonight?” he asked in a low rasp.  
“I promise,” this time said with ease.


	2. Sharing Different Heartbeats

Poe’s eyes opened slowly and couldn’t believe he was waking up next to Anna, wrapped up in her arms and for the first time in a very long time, he felt safe. He had never seen her so still before, always watching her flit from thing to thing, always busy with fixing something. He didn’t think he’d even see her having a quick nap, or actually sitting down without working. But right now, she was just still, breathing shallowly with no sign of even stirring. No longer able to resist, he brought his hand to her face, tucking her hair behind her ear and carefully stroking her cheek, not because he wanted to wake her up, but because he just wanted to feel her skin on his. She didn’t stir for a few moments and then she started to slowly wake up, looking up at him with a sleepy content that he’d never seen in anyone before. He couldn’t resist a smile.

Without a moments notice, she suddenly became a flurry of movement, slipping off of the bed and starting to put her boots back on after sitting on the empty chair next to the bed. He sat up slowly and watched her, wondering if she would give him any kind of explanation of why she was suddenly in a rush to get out of here. He looked at her, waiting for her to say absolutely anything at all, but she didn’t, carrying on getting ready to leave him. While he didn’t want her to leave at any point over the next few weeks, he guessed that she would have to leave to do her job, but he didn’t want her to go just yet. She slipped her jacket around her and mumbled something barely audible and walked off, leaving him absolutely dumbfounded, unable to actually register what was happening for just a moment.

A few minutes passed and he finally realised that he was going to have to go after her to find out what this was about. It wasn’t like he really needed an explanation, he was pretty sure he could guess what this was going to be about. He moved to the edge of the bed and started trying to get up when the nurse shook her head and hurried to him, trying to get him back into the bed. She didn’t succeed in the slightest and he brushed her off and made his way to where he assumed that she would be heading, and that was the workshop. It wasn’t a smooth walk, but it wasn’t as laboured as he thought it was going to be, the pain in his side had eased up quite a lot and the throbbing in his head had subsided significantly. Maybe Anna was the best kind of medicine he could have asked for in this situation, or maybe it was all just a coincidence. He did feel ever so slightly tighter in his muscles, but it was bearable even if he had to lean against the doorjamb of the workshop briefly before announcing himself.

There was no reply except the slight echo of his voice coming back to him. Now he was hurt. It was weird to think that just a few moments ago they were intimate and holding each other like they were the only two people that mattered, but now she wouldn’t even acknowledge that he was in her space. She was busy at the workbench, tinkering with a small device for a moment before she launched the wheely chair towards the small scout craft that was near her. Then she started to tinker with the craft, the thing in her hand being installed into the craft, all of her focus on that, still ignoring that he was there. It was almost as if the moment she got into the workshop, her jacket came off, her hair went up, and her emotions were caged once more. All he wanted was for her to look at him, to say why she sprinted from his side, but she didn’t even seem to know that he was there. How did he even approach this? Here went nothing.

“Anna, you gonna- uh… you gonna even answer me?” he finally asked.  
“Mhm, one moment,” she mumbled, giving him a vague wave of the hand as she carried on working, not even looking up to make eye contact with him.

Where had the vulnerable Anna of last night gone to? Where had the woman who made him feel safe after he had the First Order strike fear into his very soul? Now he felt more alone in this entire galaxy than he had ever felt before. It was like she had woken up as an entirely different person and now he just had to deal with this sudden shift. He could feel a bubbling anxiety in his stomach that nothing was going to be the same as it was last night and he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to live with that choice from her. He wandered further into the workshop, stopping at the bench and looking at a few of the things she was working on. He probably shouldn’t have, but he started to fiddle with one of them, picking it up and just looking at it to see what it was, not that he would even have the slightest clue. It looked pretty confusing with a lot of screws, wires, pipes and everything else he didn’t understand about starships.

“Hey!” she called across the workshop, moving the chair back towards him. “Put that down,” she said, not giving him a chance to comply and simply snatching it out of his hands.  
“Sorry, I just wondered what it was…” he sounded hurt.  
“Well, you shouldn’t snoop around things you don’t understand,” she was so cold, getting out of the chair and placing the device on a shelf above the workbench.  
“Anna, what’s going on?”  
“Nothing, apart from you trying to trash my workshop,” she said, moving a few more things out of his immediate reach.  
“I don’t just mean that…” he looked to her, noticing she still refused to look at him. “Last night you came to check on me, you stayed the night with me, and yet now you won’t even talk to me, what’s going on?”  
“I just have a lot of work. Now I know you’re not bringing back your X-Wing, I need to at least bump one up the list, and if I can’t do that, I need to find a replacement.”  
“So that means you’re just going to ignore me?”  
“Lot of work means no time for socialising,” she said, walking back to the scout ship with a new tool in hand.  
“No, you’re shutting me out, don’t do that, please Anna,” he pleaded, following her to the ship.  
“Dameron, not everything is about you,” she concentrated on the ship now.  
“Rogdas, don’t do this,” his eyes became dark as he leant against the ship, trying to catch her gaze.  
“Sorry, I can’t,” the first flicker of emotion in her voice where she sounded like a scared little girl.

He had to take his next move carefully; too forceful and she would shut him out completely, not forceful enough and she would believe he wasn’t serious about how much he needed her right now. He wasn’t sure how to tackle this because he had never been in a situation where he had to think delicately and react in a thoughtful way. If he had his way, he would just grab her and shake her and she would realise how silly this whole situation was. That would be a bad choice and he knew it, so instead he delicately reached out and took the top of her hand, trying hard not to interfere too much with the way she was working, but letting her know she had to stop this so she could talk to him about this.

“Please, talk to me,” he said quietly.  
“What’s there to talk about?”  
“You came to visit me last night, I thought it meant something…”  
“Poe…” she trailed off. She finally stopped working, letting herself feel the way she had felt yesterday once again. “I can’t do it again, I just can’t…” she trailed off, turning away from him.  
“You can’t just shut yourself out of everything because you’re scared,” he took her hand, trying to get her to turn back to him.  
“I can, and I will,” she pulled her hand away from his and folded her arms across her chest.  
“But I don’t want you to,” his voice small and almost distant.  
She finally turned back. “You flyboys don’t always get what you want, you know?” she was trying to hold back the tears, but he wasn’t stupid.  
“I refuse to not get my way this time,” he tried to lighten the mood.  
“You can’t just refuse reality, that’s not how this works,” she said flatly. The mood was not light.  
“I’m going to keep trying, you won’t ever stop me from trying,” he took a step forward.  
She walked to the workbench. “I can’t do this,” she leant against the bench, holding back the sobs as best as she could.  
He approached slowly. “You can, you are stronger than all of this, I know you are.”  
“I’m not,” she breathed heavily before the sobs finally came out.  
He slipped his arm around her, trying to catch her eye line. “You are, and if you’re not, let me help you, please.”  
“You can’t help me, Poe, I’m beyond help,” she sniffed loudly.  
He pulled her closer. “I can, and I will, even if you won’t let me, I won’t give up.”  
She shook him off, turning around and leaning against the workbench. “I can’t put that on you,” she said finally looking at him. “I’m not worth wasting any more time on.”  
“I disagree,” he nudged her. “I want to help you.”  
“You can’t help me.”

Words didn’t seem to be able to coax her around to understand what he was trying to tell her and he just didn’t know how else he was going to do this. Maybe he was going about this the entirely wrong way and needed to go back to the flare for the dramatic that was usually his signature. Instead of thinking through his next move to make sure he didn’t do something wrong, he simply acted on his impulses. He moved to stand in front of her, gently pressing against her so she had time to push him away, and then finally he went in for the kiss. As he cautiously kissed her, he closed his eyes, waiting for the shove, expecting the moment she pushed him away, but instead she let him. Although the kiss was loving and gentle, he could still feel her body shaking for the small sobs. As he pulled back, he placed his hands on he shoulders, still smiling softly.

“Maybe, but it won’t stop me from trying my hardest.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I… I care about you,” one of his hands slid up to cup her cheek.  
“But why?”  
“Who else is gonna fix my X-Wing in a flash?”  
“Anyone on this base, I’m not the only person who can fix things.”  
“You’re the only person I would trust with my life and my X-Wing.”  
“You’re a fool, Dameron,” she looked away from him.  
“Probably, but it’s why you like having me around,” he grinned.  
“You can’t be around me,” she pushed him aside, making her way back to the project she was working on.  
He grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to him. “You can’t stop me from being here, I’m not going anywhere.”  
“You will, everyone else does,” she pulled her arm away from him.  
“Nothing you will ever say will make me leave,” he forcefully took both of her hands this time.  
“You’ll still die, you’ll die and you’ll leave me, and it’ll probably be my fault,” the sadness in her eyes flashed for a moment and then burned hot.

She was resisting him, trying with all of her might to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t let her. Never before had he forced someone to do something against their will, but he really thought that this was the only way to stop her from being so ridiculous in this situation. He pulled her in close, feeling her trying to push him away, and yet he wouldn’t let go, having her in a bear hug until she calmed down, until she finally gave into him. At first she pounded on his chest, resisting more, but then her body began to shake slightly with more sobs, unable to preserve her hard exterior and melted into him, clinging to him this time as the sobs became louder. He soothed her with a small hushing noise, rubbing her back softly. She buried her head into his chest and making a damp patch on his shirt, finally letting all of this out even if she really didn’t want to do that.

She seemed to finally catch herself and started pushing him away again, the sobs stopping as she started to fight him off this time. At first, he was caught off guard and took a stumble back, but once he regained his balance, he held her tighter, knowing that she needed to feel these emotions if she was ever going to heal from all of this mess. This time, she was more violent, pushing him with a lot more force until she finally snapped, throwing a punch. Luckily for both of them, Poe had quick reflexes and caught her wrist before the fist could connect with his face. Both of them froze for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes and then finally they connected with an intense kiss; raw, hungry, and completely impulsive.

He guided her back to the workbench, their lips never parting as he picked her up effortlessly and perched her on the edge of it. Her hands tangled into his hair and while he had one hand on the small of her back, the other started to wander down, starting to deftly untie the sleeves of her overalls from around her waist, but doing it slowly enough that she could make him stop if she didn’t want this. Instead, she started to move her kisses down his neck, stopping just short of his shirt collar and baring her teeth ever so slightly. He slipped his hand into her pants, carefully sliding one finger into her and feeling her warmth stretch around him. Her breath hitched ever so slightly as she bit into his shoulder. He hadn’t felt this way or even done anything like this for such a long time but his body still reacted in the same way, feeling himself getting hard just from the feel of her.

Their lips finally found each other again as he slipped another finger into her, started to stroke her insides until he finally heard her soft moan against his lips. He couldn’t resist a smug smirk as he then started to stroke her clit ever so softly with his thumb. There was something about her finally giving in and just not pushing him away that made him want her even more, his free hand resting on the nape of her neck, making sure that she wouldn’t pull away from him this time. As he pushed deeper, starting to move his fingers in and out of her, he could hear her starting to strain to breathe between quiet moans, her back arching, causing her to inch away from him involuntarily. He leant forwards more, making sure she knew he was still there as he changed tact, stroking her insides firmly and slowly. She pulled back slightly from him and he looked at her with a slight amount of concern.

“Not here, someone could-” she didn’t even finish the sentence before she slipped off the bench.

As she moved, he let his fingers slide out of her and stood with a little confusion until she grabbed his hand and dragged him towards her sleeping quarters. She closed the door behind them and quickly flicked the latch to lock it so they couldn’t be interrupted. As soon as the door clicked, she grabbed his collar and pulled him down to her height, kissing him deeply. Without warning, he picked her up, guiding a leg around his waist as she put her arms around his neck and then he gently knelt on the bedding she had; a mattress and pile of unmade blankets. While one hand rested on her thigh, the other was on the back of her head as he laid her down, neither of them unable to break the series of deep kisses. Once she felt a firm base under her, her hands slipped down his back and to the band of his pants, tugging at his buttons. At first he was hesitant, but quickly gave in once her felt her biting at his lip.

Both of them were out of practise at this really, but were able to fumble their way through undressing each other, kicking off boots, wriggling out of their pants, and pulling off shirts. He took a brief moment to simply look at her, feeling almost privileged to see her like this, that she had let herself be absolutely vulnerable with him and shedding everything for him. A hand either side, he pulled down her underwear, tossing it aside into the pile of their other clothes and then starting a trail of soft kisses from her waist, across her stomach, between her breasts, along her throat and then up to her lips, hovering for just a moment before stealing a sloppy kiss. One of her hands started to play with his hair while the other pushed down his underwear and then delicately wrapped around his erection, guiding him in with a little satisfied purr. He placed one hand flat on the ground to give himself some support as he began to thrust in and out, slowly at first.

Anna started to pull him closer to bring him in for another kiss and then stopped briefly as she let out a breathy moan as her other hand gripped his back. He planted small kisses on her jaw line, starting to speed up his movements, pushing himself deeper inside of her. Involuntarily, she tightened her grip on his hair, pulling it as her back arched again accompanied with another moan. As the speed of his thrusts increased, he started to let out a couple of grunts, the sensation burning through him as he could feel himself coming to a climax but trying to hold back as long as he could. While he was getting her to moan, he knew that he wasn’t getting her to an orgasm and he always hated to be that guy. The problem was each tiny moan that escaped her lips brought him closer and closer. 

She pulled him down for another kiss, almost animalistic in her hunger for him which was the moment he was tipped over the edge. With a judder, he came, letting out a loud moan, losing strength in his arm propping him up for just a moment, but regaining before he could completely collapse on top of her. With a heavy pant, he stole another kiss from her, smiling softly as he felt her fingers running through his hair and began to trail kisses back down her body stopping at her thigh. He purposefully took his time to move his deliberate kisses across her thigh and then finally to her clit, tiny butterfly kisses to get her moan once more. The delicate moans made him smirk ever so slightly and began to lick heavily as his fingers found themselves back inside of her. She was hot and wet, his fingers slick inside of her and her taste sending a strange sense of possession through him.

His fingers began exploring her, trying to find the sweet spot with long, steady strokes, but not stopping his small tongue strokes. Each movement of his sent a jolt of pleasure through her body, small noises escaping her that she couldn’t control, the grip on his hair loosening as she let herself slip into the feeling. A loud moan grumbled through her throat and that was when he knew he had the right combination of movements. He started to speed up, his fingers massaging with heavy pressure as he began to suckle, stealing a quick glance up at her as he could feel her spasming around his fingers. The moans became more guttural as she found it harder to catch her breath, her fist clenching around his hair once more, almost pushing his face deeper into her. Finally she let out a long cry, her body tensing for a moment and then relaxing completely.

Satisfied, he gave her just one more tiny kiss as he pulled his fingers out, feeling her body shiver under him. He carefully moved himself back to her, laying himself down as he nuzzled into her neck, but he couldn’t resist watching as she panted, regaining her breath. Once she was composed, she swiped the hair away from her forehead and then turned over and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Even though the two of them had barely been awake for that long, they wanted to bask in this moment, Anna pulling a blanket over them in one swift motion and burrowing herself into his chest. She hated feeling this content because she knew it would be ripped from her soon enough, but she let it happen. She let him in and let him put his arm around her as the two of them just laid in this comfortable moment.

As Poe finally slipped into a content doze, nothing seemed to matter right now. There was no war going on, no one had to fight for their lives and no one was had to put themselves in danger just to make sure that another person would get to live. With a little satisfied murmur, he settled more, his arm holding Anna as close as possible. The problem with falling into the darkness of sleep was that sometimes that’s when the monsters appeared. Flashes of that night came through, the terror he buried deeply to not show Kylo how truly terrified he was that this was the end of him. The moment he saw how huge their operation was and how outnumbered the Resistance was, when his stomach sank because it was the first time he realised how impossible this entire mission is. He could feel his stomach tightening as the things Kylo had made him see started to seep back into his mind. The blood and destruction of things gone by, the innocent people who had been caught in the crossfire of this entire mess, the pain of every person who had perished. The flashes of the future that could happen, watching everyone around him die, the Resistance falling to the First Order, holding onto Anna as she gurgled through blood to make her last words before finally dying in his arms. That was the final thing to make him snap awake, sweating and panting heavily as he tried to reach out for her, but she was gone.


	3. Live To Fight Another Day

A wave of panic washed over him as he started to scan the room, trying to understand why she wasn’t in his arms, why she had left his side again. It subsided ever so slightly when he saw that the door was open so he shifted slightly to see her at her workbench, her hair pulled up into a messy bun as she tinkered away. His stomach settled and his heart fluttered ever so slightly; she was beautiful in the way she concentrated so hard on the job at hand, her figure so delicate and yet strong and stern. He just sat for a moment, admiring her as he chewed ever so lightly on his bottom lip. He knew he probably shouldn’t, but he had to at least be closer to her, so he slipped his underwear and pants back on and then made his way into the workroom, an undeniable swagger in his step.

He padded up behind her, slowly putting his arms around her waist and resting his head upon his shoulder and just for a moment, everything was right with the world again. She wasn’t going to die in his arms, and this whole thing was going to make everything right in the galaxy. But that moment didn’t last long. Anna’s reaction became cold once more as she shrugged him off and made her way back over to the ship she had been working on earlier, not even giving him a word in return. Was this going to be the pattern of their relationship? He didn’t know if he could force himself into her life every time he wanted just a small amount of love from her, and yet, he couldn’t see himself ever giving up. He knew why she was being this way and he also understood it and didn’t blame her in the slightest, but he wished that she would just let that final barrier down. With a loud and dramatic sigh, he sat down on her wheely chair and waited for her to at least turn to him.

“What is it this time, Dameron?” she asked, not even looking at him.  
“Is this what it’s going to be every time?” he asked, almost sounding bored.  
“What does that mean?” she sounded exasperated.  
“I have to push for you to open up just a little bit, and then as soon as it’s over, you shut me out all over again,” he stared at her, waiting for her to look at him.  
“Dameron, that was just harmless fun, two people blowing off steam, I didn’t let you in,” she scoffed.  
“Lie to me, fine, but don’t lie to yourself, you know that was more than just physical, for both of us.”  
“Lying is easier,” she was almost inaudible.  
“Is it Anna?” he stood up, making his way to her side. “I know you think it is, but does anyone benefit? All I want is for you to let me in, and I’m not going to give up, so why keep trying?”  
“Because…” she started defiantly, but quickly shifted to the melancholy that seemed to determine her entire life, “because I can’t do it. Everyone dies, and I don’t know if I can lose another person.”  
“Wouldn’t you rather spend every moment being absolutely in love and showing them how much you care instead of being without them? Just because you don’t show it, you know those emotions are still there so when that person does die, you’ll have to live with all of that regret instead and wouldn’t that be worse?”  
“I don’t know,” all certainty had escaped her voice.  
“And what if I don’t die during this fight and live to be an old man? Would you be able to live with that?”  
No answer.  
“Anna, I don’t want to fight with you every time we get a little bit closer, but I also don’t want to be without you. Just…” he sighed heavily, taking her hand, “please.”  
“I’m a curse, don’t you get it,” she almost whispered.  
“You’re not cursed, what would ever make you think that?” he was genuinely confused.  
She pulled her hand away from his and ran her hands through her hair, and then held onto the back of her neck. “I was a pilot. We were Second Squadron-”  
“The Second Squadron? That was you?” a wave of awe in his voice.  
“There were six of us. We were like a family. A lot of people wanted to join simply because of my name, but I made sure to pick the best flyers, the people who I could trust with my life…” her eyes started to fill with tears as she turned away from him. “I loved all of them, my heart was full, and with papa fixing our fighters, everything was perfect. But the last mission I went on, I messed up, I completely choked, put us in more danger and then had to backtrack to protect them and ended up almost killing myself. The problem was, that meant when we had to go on a rush mission, I had to sit it out, I had to stay by the radio and listen to them as they were picked off one by one. Aldo-” she choked up, her throat tightening and the only thing she could manage was a strained sob. “He came back, he was the only one who did… and he died clinging to me like a frightened child. It was my fault.”  
“Nothing I say is going to convince you that it wasn’t. You believe your version of events where it was your fault you were injured, and I know you can’t always believe that tales, but from what I’ve heard, you weren’t at fault, you had three TIE Fighters on your tail, you had to try something. And what’s better; you dying a hero’s death with your squadron and you all becoming another legend that people lie about to give rousing speeches, or that you lived and you can tell their stories, you can keep the memories of the people alive?”  
She looked at him, her eyes glassy with tears.  
“I know you loved all of them, but that love made you happy, you can’t shut down everything and make yourself miserable because you’re scared of that happening again.”  
“But my mistake didn’t just kill them, it killed my dad, what if it comes back and kills someone else, whoever I get close to pays for it.”  
“That accident didn’t kill your dad, old age and illness did.”  
“No, the shame, that’s what killed him.”  
“There is absolutely no way he could be ashamed of having someone like you for a daughter. I know I didn’t know your dad, but I hear a lot of people talking about the kind of man he was and he was nothing but proud of you. And he more than anyone would want you to just be happy.”  
“I know you’re trying, but don’t.”  
“Nothing I say is going to change your mind, is it?”  
She didn’t reply, simply looking away from him.  
“Anna,” he sighed heavily, “I don’t know if I can keep doing this. Maybe I should go,” he turned to leave.  
“Don’t,” she fought back tears as she grabbed onto his hand. “I just don’t know what to do. I was happy being alone. I didn’t have to think about this, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”  
“And that’s okay, all you have to do is let me in. Tell me what’s going on in your head. Don’t shut me out again.”  
“I don’t want you to get hurt…”  
“I won’t, and if I do, I’m a flyboy, I’ll shake it off,” he gave her a little smirk.

Any other time, she would have shoved him or rolled her eyes, but this time, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close. He was caught slightly off guard, but it took him less than a second to hold onto her, his arms sliding around the small of her back. He didn’t know if this was the last time that he would have to fight for her to let him in, but it didn’t matter to him, he was going to keep doing it. He tried to pull back so he could look at her, but she wouldn’t let him, still clinging to him with a force he’d never seen from her before, so he didn’t fight it. He just held her, letting her do what she needed for this moment. Eventually she did pull away from him, looking up as she rubbed her eyes and cracked the smallest of smiles. Her smile sent a little flutter through his heart, maybe one day this would be their normal state all the time.

Snap walked into the workshop and quickly turned to avoid staring at his half naked leader. He informed them that there was a rescue mission that would be leaving soon, something with short notice to pick up BB-8 and whoever was with the droid currently holding what this entire mission was about. He looked quickly over his shoulder to see if there was any movement from either of them, but nothing, so he guessed that he would just have to excuse himself now and get out of there. What those two were up to was their own business, and so he scurried off, a little relief they were finally not screaming at each other for once. All she wanted to do was storm out and start smashing things, close herself off again so she didn’t have to spend all of the time waiting for him worrying that he wouldn’t come back. She sucked in a deep breath, she was a new person now and would simply let the happen because she had no choice. She placed her hand on his neck and brought him down a little so she could stretch up and place a small gentle kiss on his cheek. He moved quickly to get dressed and then returned to her, placing his hand on her waist and pulling her in closely, then placed a firm, passionate kiss on her lips. She couldn’t stop herself from wrapping her arms around him, losing herself in the kiss before they would part ways.

She turned quickly so she wouldn’t have to watch him leave the workshop so she didn’t have to add extra drama to this and simply see it as he was going to the canteen, or just going for a walk around the base to chat to some other friends. He wasn’t going on a dangerous mission, nothing bad about him leaving this room so she didn’t have to make a big fuss of him leaving. Now she just had to try and occupy her mind while she waited, something that would mean she didn’t have to think about him not coming back. It was a good thing that she had a lot of things to start fixing, trying to get a starter sorted out so it would actually do its job was the first step in repairing the scout ship. She could lose hours when she was fixing things and it was the only time of late when she was truly at peace.

Poe knew it was too much to ask to see her before he took off but he couldn’t help but look at the workshop with a little hope that she would maybe be at the door with a small wave. She wasn’t, but it was okay, he knew that was going to be a big step for her and expecting that from her right now was expecting way too much of her. He smiled softly as he looked back to his craft, not yet quite able to believe that he had made such a big step with her today. He slipped on his helmet and then got into the cockpit, knowing that this mission was going to go well, that he was confident of. He took off and led the way for his squadron to get to Takodana.

Anna kept herself as busy as she could, but the more time that passed, the more she was becoming aware that they weren’t back, that none of them were back yet. Of course she hadn’t helped herself by staying completely radio silent and not knowing what was happening, but she felt that maybe that was the best for her. She was just going to wait until he walked through that door, and if he never did, then that was fine, she would just continue to work herself until she eventually died. That was the only way that she could deal with this right now was to let her brain deal with these things this way, no matter how strange it was. She hadn’t even left the door open so she only had noises to go by but she couldn’t hear those any way since she was almost completely tuned out to them with her working so hard.

The small fleet of ships landed back onto D’Qar and now there was just a flurry of action with people disembarking, re-fuelling, loud conversations and general chatter. Poe got out of his X-Wing and greeted his favourite buddy in the whole world, kneeling down and throwing open an arm for BB-8. He couldn’t believe how much he had still missed them, so glad that they were safe and in toe was Finn, that Stormtrooper that save his life. They shared a brief conversation, telling him he could keep the jacket, letting him know it meant he was one of them. He would have stayed longer, but he had to hurry, not only did he have a meeting to get to quickly, but he had someone he had to let know he hadn’t died this time.

He carefully walked into the workshop, making sure that he wasn’t disturbing her but before he could take another step, or announce himself, he was suddenly pounced upon and given a lot of tiny kisses across his face . She was lucky he was on balance and as she jumped into his arms, he caught her, holding her at her waist and smiling brightly as she attacked him with even more little kisses and wrapped her legs around his waist. Why couldn’t this just last forever? She unwrapped her legs from his waist and looked up to him with bright eyes and Poe instantly felt his stomach sink because he had to tell her how they were going to have part ways once more and so soon after he’d come back to her. She could tell he was hiding something.

“When?”  
He looked at her with a little furrowed brow. “Soon, we think the First Order have tracked us so we need to strike before they do.”  
“Is there a plan yet?” she asked, looking away from him.  
“No, I need to get there now, but I wanted to see you first.”  
She smiled sadly. “Go and do the heroics,” she reached up and kissed him on the cheek and then turned back to her work.

Anyone else may have been affronted by the way that she reacted to the news, but he knew this was exactly what she had to do to deal with the emotions that bubbled through her. He stayed for one more moment, simply looking at her to take her in, just in case this was the last time he would see her. Then, he turned around and searched for Finn. Maybe he should have prioritised helping with this plan, but he couldn’t, he had to show her that he had survived and that he was going to be good at keeping his word. He was sure those precious moments with her wasn’t going to make too much of a problem for whatever plan they made next. Finn was currently looking around like a lost puppy, having no idea where to go or what to do. That was the moment that Poe swept him up and led him towards the base head quarters so he could start to offer his insider knowledge.

While the Resistance planned what they wanted to do, she stayed in her workshop and started working so she wouldn’t have to think. There was activity around her as other mechanics were starting to work on other crafts, flitting in and out to grab tools and try and get things in the best condition before they all went off on the next mission. Usually she actually took her role as head mechanic seriously and would be barking orders and taking stock of what needed to be done, but right now, she had no idea what was even happening, and thankfully Jal sensed that and took over for her. Everyone got to it and did as they were told, knowing that they shouldn’t even bother to ask Anna what was happening because she wouldn’t tell them anyway. Jal told her to go out and sort out Poe’s X-Wing, forcing her to go and see him once more before he left instead of whatever vagaries they had in the fleeting moment they had before. 

While she understood that most missions were going to end in some kind of damage to a craft, it didn’t stop her from getting ever so slightly frustrated. Poe was always one of the pilots who rarely cared about the state of his craft when he came back because he was the kind of man who put the safety of everyone around him before himself and his craft. She wanted to hate him for it, she wanted to slap him for ever letting a craft take this much damage, but she couldn’t. She absolutely admired him and his actions, he was daring and selfless, he always put the Resistance before himself. That was the person that she used to be; she always put her team and the Resistance before anything she did, putting her life on the line for the cause because she believed in it. It wasn’t that she had stopped believing, but it was like her fight had disappeared. But maybe now, maybe it would come back.

There wasn’t an awful lot she could do considering the short period of time, so she concentrated on the important stuff instead of the hole in the bottom of the craft. She replaced a few of the pipes that may not have needed replacing, but it was just a precaution. Then she quickly gave the engine a once over, making sure that everything was in working order and perhaps she was being more meticulous that she should be, but there was no one to stop her from taking her time and making sure every piece of this craft was in working order to give Poe the absolute best chance of surviving. There was noting else she could do and she was beginning to realise how much she absolutely loathed not being in control and not being able to guarantee his survival. She took a moment just to breathe in and calm herself.

She felt someone behind her but didn’t say anything, she just made sure she kept herself aware that they were there. They came closer, peering over her shoulder and their scent gave them away in an instant. Of course she pretended that she didn’t know anyone was there so when she did turn and give him a peck on the cheek, his only reaction would be surprise. As she did that, Poe couldn’t suppress the smile and slipped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder, returning her kiss with one on her cheek as well. She savoured this moment, letting it into her heart so she could hold into it, that was what he wanted her to do with her emotions now, wasn’t it? If she wasn’t so dedicated to this cause, she would suggest the two of them just run away and find a small hide away on a planet far away from all of this.

“They’re draining a nearby sun and planning to attack us. Finn’s given us the blueprints so we know where to attack, but it’s going to be risky.”  
“Of course it will be, the First Order is on our door…” she cast a glance upwards and tried not to panic. “When are you going up there?” she tried to stop the cracking in her voice.  
“Soon, we’re just waiting for the last few repairs before we can take off.”  
“What if your craft is never ready?”   
“We both know that wouldn’t stop me,” he was a little wistfully.   
“I know… but I can dream, right?” she paused. “It just needs a refuel and it’ll be ready,” she put her tools down and fell slightly limp, resigning to having to say goodbye to him again.  
“We’ll be alright, we got Han So-”  
“Han’s here?” she seemed to perk up ever so slightly.  
“You know him?”  
“Sort of, him and my dad were good friends after the Battle of Endor. I remember him being around a lot when I was little…”  
“Go see him before he leaves, I can refuel myself,” he pulled away from her and nudged her to go and see Han.

She was hesitant at first, but finally decided that she would, slowly rising to her feet and turning to Poe. She placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled him down to her height so she could kiss him softly on the lips and then smiled, melting into a hug before she finally peeled herself away from him. She made a hurried walk across the base, making her way towards the Millennium Falcon, waves of nostalgia washing over her, memories of her childhood flooding back. She didn’t want to interrupt as he was talking with Leia, but as she approached, Han’s eyes widened, almost in shock of seeing the grown up Anna.

“Well, look who’s still rebelling,” he smirked, pulling her into a hug before she could even say anything.  
“You know me, always hated being told what to do,” she smirked back.  
“You not flying anymore? Or you helping your dad out?” he asked, having a quick glance to see if he could see his old friend.  
Anna became uncomfortable, something Leia could pick up on easily.   
“Alister died,” Leia said quietly.  
“Damn, I’m sorry kid, but you’re still flying, right?”  
Anna chewed her lip slightly. “I uh- I had a pretty rough mission, but someone had to take over from dad anyway after he got really ill.”  
“At least you’re still fighting the fight,” he held onto her shoulder tightly.  
“Just about,” she tried to joke, but it came out sadder than she expected.  
Han never was good at the emotional stuff, always able to put his foot in it and Leia knew that better than anyone else. “Are the X-Wings ready to go?” she asked Anna, ignoring everything else.  
“Yeah, pretty much all ready, just refuelling and then they can be up in the air,” she nodded.  
Han brought her in for a quick hug. “You’ll be alright kid,” he said lowly before breaking the hug.

Before she could reply or even react, everything seemed to speed up around her, all of the people moving around her and no one even interacting with her. It was like the world was happening around her and she couldn’t do anything to make people see her. She didn’t want to be seen, she wanted to get on with the things she needed to do right now. After a small courteous head nod to Leia, she moved on, going back to her little life, the one that didn’t involve her doing heroics or being in the centre of attention. She could simply just disappear back to her workshop and carry on occupying her mind so she didn’t have to think about the problems that Poe could encounter. It didn’t help that now she had a sinking feeling, an awful sense that Han coming back to the Resistance base wasn’t exactly a good omen in this moment. She didn’t resent him for leaving last time, she understood why he had to make that decision, but it had been a bad time and added to the sense of loss that day.


	4. We Had To Learn The Hard Way

There was nothing left for her but to sit in her little wheely chair and just wait for them all to come back. Of course that’s not what she was going to do because the minute she stopped moving was the minute that she started to go insane. Jal walked through the workshop with a small smile, handing her a cup of tea, something he always did after a quick flurry of work and trotted off to share the hot beverages with the rest of the mechanics around the base so they could all have a little breather. She was thankful that she had a team that was like the one she had and was beginning to realise that they were the people she shouldn’t be shutting out either, they were the people that she needed to be close with. With that thought, she got off the chair and walked into her sleeping quarters.

Once the door was shut behind her, she placed the cup onto her dresser and opened the top drawer. She tried not to feel it, but she could still feel that absolute sadness tugging at her heart as she hovered over the holograph. Finally, she took the plunge, picking up the holograph and carefully placed it on top of the dresser, smiling softly at the memory behind the captured moment, all of them goofing off and relaxing for a few moments before having to go back to seriousness. She propped it up against the back the dresser with a sad smile and then picked up her cup of tea again. For a moment, she just looked at holograph and took a sip of the drink, letting herself just feel the glimmer of happiness inside once again. She turned back so she could go back to working, getting her mind off everything just so she could stay remotely sane while she waited for them all to return.

A soft gasp escaped her lips and she dropped the cup as her eyes met with a tall stranger. She backed off, but before she had a chance to say anything, the stranger lunging, grabbing her and clamping a hand over her mouth so she couldn’t scream. Usually she could at least fight people off at least a little bit, but this time, her strength was completely smothered by his. The dark eyes seared into her, unable to figure out what this man wanted or who he even was and her heart began to pound harder and harder. He towered over her a lot more than other people and started to give into him, fighting against him being next to impossible. Nothing about this man gave her an ounce of confidence that he wasn’t going to hurt her since he seemed to be at least twice the size of her. Once she stopped fighting him, he slowly started to let her go, but still left his hand over her mouth so she couldn’t call out for help.

“If I take my hand away, will you stay quiet?” he was menacing and husky.  
She nodded.  
“Your name is Anna, Anna Rodgas, right?”  
Her eyes grew wider as she nodded.  
He took his hand away from her mouth and suddenly his whole demeanour changed. “We gotta get out of here, you know how lethal the Star Killer thing is, right?”  
“Who are you? Why are you telling me what I already know?”  
“You’re not going to come with me until I explain, are you?”  
“No. What would make you think I would?” she was starting to become irate.  
He yielded, everything he’d heard about her, he should have known it would be like this. “I’m your brother, Dax Valen.”  
She blinked.  
“Okay, half brother, we share a mum, Sia Vanis, you know her right?”  
She shrugged, it meant nothing to her, she’d never been told her mother’s name.  
“Your dad was Alister, right? And he had a kind of relationship with a woman on Belsavis. The result was you. But before you, there was me. I was sold off as a kid, but I tracked it back to her and when I confronted her, she told me I was her kid and that there was also you.”  
She shuffled on the spot, she had always said she didn’t care, but part of her was curious. “Is… is she…?” she struggled with the question.  
“Still alive? Yeah, last time I checked in with her.”  
“So… we’re…?”  
“Half siblings, yeah. I found out who you were, and since then I’ve been looking for the base, I wanted to find you.”  
“But why?”  
“If you found out about me, wouldn’t you come and try and find me? Just out of curiosity?” he seemed almost hurt.  
“I… I mean maybe? I don’t know, sorry, wait, why… what was that about getting out of here, what has that got to do with any of this?”  
“I finally find you, the first time I can even speak to you and the entire base is most likely going to get blown up and I don’t really like the idea of this being our only interaction,” he sounded every so slightly sad.  
“But we have a plan, we’re not evacuating yet and I refuse to abandon the Resistance until we have explored everything we can do.”  
“I had to get the one half-sister who was so stubborn and honourable,” he mumbled to himself with a little sigh.  
“I’m sorry to be such an inconvenience to you,” she scoffed, folding her arms across her chest.  
“Please, Anna, we need to get out of here, I am not letting you die.”  
“We’re not going to die, I trust them to save us.”

The two of them were in a stalemate as they simply stared at each other for a moment. The only way he would get her to leave was going to be against her will and considering that this was already a strange first meeting, he didn’t want to create and even worse situation. While he understood her belief in her fellow rebels, he still didn’t want to take the risk, he wasn’t putting her survival on these people that he didn’t even know. This whole situation made her feel like this was a test, something that was going to be a moment in her life where she would look back and it was something that was a turning point. Either way, she had made her choice to stay, not letting this stranger and his tale change her new found position in life. She had just come to the decision to stay firm and let her emotions bubble up sometimes instead of shoving them all down. That being said, this hulking stranger was claiming to be related to her and that did tug at her heart.

“If you want to leave, I get it, but I’m not leaving behind my family. These people have been here for everything. I can’t just run away because things are a little sticky right now.”  
“You have honour, it makes sense, you were raised by a Rebel hero, but you can’t deny that this seems futile, please Anna, please come with me.”

She stood firm, shaking her head and returning to what she was doing at her dresser, refusing to engage with him, simply ignoring that he was there now. It was probably a bad plan, but it was the one that she was sticking to in this moment, tucking a stray stand of hair behind her ear and then starting to take the small box from the drawer. The moment she put it down, she felt a sharp scratch in the side of her neck and then there was blackness. He wished he could have done it differently, but he couldn’t, he was pretty sure that no matter how he tried to do this, she would have stayed. Before she could fall to the floor, he caught her lifeless body and scooped her up into his arms, making a quick check to make sure that no one could catch his actions and then started to make his way out of the workshop and towards his ship.

He knew this was technically kidnap and most people would frown upon his actions, but then it didn’t mean all that much considering the things that he had done in the past. He really did hope that she appreciated the need for such a drastic reaction, quickly settling her in his craft and then waiting for a moment. He felt that if he took her too far away and the planet did survive, she would probably beat him to death and pilot herself back to D’Qar, so he had to make sure they would be far enough away to be safe. They would hover for a moment and then if they knew it was safe, they would rejoin them and if not, he was sure he could help her reunite with whatever was left of them, but for now, he wasn’t letting this be the only time they would see each other. 

It may have been a victory for the Resistance in this moment, but Poe still couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t really that much of win considering the size of the First Order. But after this, they lived to fight for another day and right now, that was the best thing they could ask for. He expertly, and smoothly, landed his X-Wing on the base as his heart pounded with adrenaline, unable to fully think straight, just running off pure joy and ecstasy. He pulled himself out of the craft and hurried off towards the workshop, the only thing playing on his mind in this particular moment was talking to Anna and getting to hold her once more. He was almost like a puppy, rushing to find his best friend so he could shower them with affection and all of the love he had. He rushed in with bright eyes, searching for her.

He started to look around the workshop, seeing if he could see any sign of her, or hear her usual stomping around and huffing as things didn’t go her way. Instead he was met by an eerie silence. A passing person informed him that Anna hadn’t been around for a while, so was either talking with General Organa or was in her room. That didn’t sound like the Anna that he knew, but still, he made his way over to her room and something sank in his stomach. The door was open and the top drawer of her chest was open as well, and then he spotted the smashed cup on the floor and he moved into a panic. All signs pointed to her being in danger, that she was caught off guard and taken away from the room. Maybe his imagination was getting the best of him, especially after he started to remember all the things Kylo had put into his mind.

He rushed around, watching as others were replacing things they had packed to leave, others simply slowing down since they all knew they would have to make their way to another planet. They were lucky to be currently on the winning foot and the First Order were the ones in retreat, but he couldn’t even think about that in this moment, only being able to think about what was happening to that wonderful woman. He made his way over to where most of the movement was and tried to scan the room, still unable to catch her in the crowd of people. He asked a few passing people if they’d seen her and none of them had. Suddenly his mind went to something else; that smashed cup and the littering of her old mementos could mean that she thought this was over and she gave into defeat. He didn’t want to think about that, he couldn’t believe that she would ever do that, and yet his heart still dropped.

The urgency drained out of his walk as he slowly made his way back to her room and stood in the middle of the room for a moment. A little sadness bubbled inside of him as he carefully sat down on the mattress, seemingly already mourning the time that he had spent with her. He knew that sometimes things moved quickly when you lived a life like this, but he couldn’t really believe that it was moving this fast. He buried his head in his hands as he placed his elbows on his knees and tried to control his emotions, just being overwhelmed by so many things flowing through him. Had he really misread this situation this much? In the distance, he could hear a craft landing nearby, yet it wasn’t something that he recognised as one of their own crafts. He stood up quickly, readying himself if he needed to fight whoever it was.

“Get away from me!” That was definitely Anna accompanied by her stomping footsteps.  
“Anna please, just listen to me,” he didn’t recognise the voice, but it was drawing closer.  
“I’m not interested in anything you have to say,” she was in the workshop now.

Poe peered through the doorway, seeing that she was being followed by a towering scavenger. He had no idea what had happened while he was away, nor if this was a dangerous situation that he would have to do something about, but either way, he instantly felt he was on the tipping point to do anything to protect her. Before he could catch her eye, she turned quickly and shoved the stranger to try and stop him from following her, and then once more to knock him off balance. Although he wasn’t completely knocked off balance right away, he did take a moment to recover himself to carry on following her. He could feel himself tense up as he finally did make eye contact with Anna and she was completely overcome, running into his arms and holding him closely for a moment before breaking the hug quickly and looking back at the man.

“You had no right to do what you did,” she scowled. “Now get out of here.”  
“We all have to leave, and soon, before they can try for another attack,” Poe informed them.  
“Let me protect you, both of you if I need to, you won’t have to worry about the threat of death,” he was almost begging.  
“Dax, this is over, we don’t know each other, I don’t even know if you’re telling the truth. I’m gonna be pretty busy, I don’t have time for you,” she started to pack things up into a bag. “We getting out of here or what?” she asked Poe, slinging the bag over her shoulder.  
“Can we slow down for just one-” Poe started.  
“We don’t have time for this, he’s Dax, my half brother, we have to evacuate as quickly as possible.”  
“You’re right, I will find you again, I’m sure,” Dax was defeated and turned to board his own craft.  
“Evacuate with us, you’ll be safer,” Poe offered.  
“Don’t wanna cramp the Resistance’s style, I’m better off alone,” he winked just before he boarded his craft and took off.  
Poe couldn’t resist a chuckle which was cut off with a stern look from Anna and he adjusted himself with a clearing of the throat. “You need to board the carrier, I will see you on the main ship.”  
“You off do so more heroics?”  
He smirked. “Of course, gotta save you some how.”

It was yet another bitter sweet moment as the two of them stood in the workshop, the one where she had spent almost all of her life, having to say goodbye to it all. The two of them embraced quickly, taking a moment to just hold each other as tightly as they could before they both realised that this could be a permanent goodbye. She pulled back from the hug slightly and kissed him quick and then disappeared out of the place where every important memory had been made for her. She refused to think about it, simply holding her bag close and boarding the ship. She refused to look back, wondering if this was the last time she was going to see anything that made her heart sing the way it had. She couldn’t even bring herself to watch as Poe’s X-Wing took off and towards the Star Killer and the extra ships that were now joining it.

She had never seen herself as much of a technician, never really feeling comfortable behind a screen and punching buttons, she had to actively be doing something with her hands to be fully occupied. As soon as people realised she was around, they called to her, asking her to help them and seeing if she could start to shift into a role that needed filling right now. She tried her hardest, helping people to figure out the things they could try and do right now to outrun the fleet and save themselves from utter annihilation. As she looked at the way things were happening in this moment, she could see that Poe was running interference and planning an attack and her heart almost stopped. Stupid heroics. He should have stopped, he was killing his crew, but she also knew that no one got off lightly during a war. 

Anna felt a hand on her shoulder and she looked over to see Leia looking at her with just a small sparkle of a tear in her eye. She hated that she already knew what that meant, that she didn’t have to hear any words, but she already knew that Han was dead. What was she supposed to do any more? The more people she ended up letting into her life, the more suffering she would have to endure as she lost them one by one. She excused herself and found herself a quiet corner for herself, somewhere no one would be able to hear her. She slumped to the floor and wailed like a child who just lost their favourite toy. Maybe Poe was the last light that would carry her through this, or maybe he was a dying star, pulling her down with him.

Slowly, she pulled herself together, she sat up with her knees to her chest, the last remaining sobs coming out of her tiny body. Regaining her breath, she pushed hard to make sure that she stopped shaking as she clenched her fists. It wasn’t that she saw emotions as weakness, it was simply that she absolutely hated crying. She never felt better, there was no catharsis from it, it was another futile reaction to situations she could never change. No matter how hard she cried, those people were still dead and they were never going to come back to her. With one long deep breath, she stood up, brushed off herself, and made her way back into the world around her. This was going to be make or break.


	5. Let Me In Your Arms To Feel

The only pilot to come back was Poe, his swagger less, but not entirely gone just yet. He stopped in front of General Organa, who seemed calm, yet her emotions got the better of her as she delivered a slap to his face. Their exchange was brief and she understood both sides, wishing that for once he would stop with the dramatic escapes, but then, she knew that people didn’t change. Her father had been much the same and before she could no longer sit in a craft she piloted, she was the same. When you felt backed into a corner, you fought as hard as you could and sometimes it was reckless and other times it was downright stupid, but you couldn’t stop it as you felt your blood boil and your desire to live tested.

Lightspeed was hit and the fleet were away from the First Order. While it was still possible in this crazy melee of people, she stole a moment with him, holding his hand ever so briefly before they all went back to the flurry of making sure their escape was going to lead to something more. They needed a breather, a moment to simply catch their breath and while that was happening, Anna took a short walk around, seeing who was still left from the base, and she caught sight of Jal, unable to stop herself and running to hug her fellow mechanic. He was taken aback for a moment and then smiled, simply happy to see her as well. The two of them shared a brief conversation where she found out Paige was one of the people who had died in the battle. Before Jal could say another word, she was off, hoping to find the pilot’s little sister.

“You’re Anna, right?” a voice came from behind her.  
“And you are?” she turned to face the male.  
“Finn, you know Poe, right?”  
“Yeah, we’re… close,” she hesitated to say, but what was the point in hiding it any more. “You’re the ex-Stormtrooper, right?”  
“That’s me.”  
“Thanks for joining the fight.”  
“Uh, sure, listen, I need to find my friend, Rey, I know she’s already left, but I need to be by her side,” he almost begged.  
“Your efforts would best be used here, I know how much you wanna support a friend and be there for her, but sometimes, she’s gotta do something alone and I think this is one of those times,” she was a little flat. She saw a flash in his eyes that was undeniable and her heart softened. “I know it’s hard, but you’re needed here, we need all the hands we can get right now and the best way to help her is to secure the survival of the Resistance.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Poe gave you that jacket, you might think it’s just a jacket, but it’s a lot more than that, he trusts you, and because of that stupid reason, I trust you, so just stay here until we know what we’re doing,” she hoped she was getting through, but knew it was probably pointless, everyone did stupid things for the people they loved.  
“Maybe you’re right,” he said unconvincingly, but she didn’t have time for this.

With a nod, she moved off, not knowing if he was going to actually listen or not, but deciding it wasn’t really her issue right now. She made her way through the corridors, making her way to the depths of the ship, knowing where someone like Rose would be hiding out on a ship like this because if she had the time to do it, it would have been where she would have found solace. The low hum of the engine as it idled to reserve fuel, the emptiness of the area, away from all of the frantic marching up and down as people tried to fight for who was left so you could mourn for who you had lost. She took the steps down carefully, knowing that there would be at least a little tense considering the closeness to the escape pods, catching the sight of the petite technician in the distance. She still approached with caution.

“Rose?” she called out quietly.  
She sniffed loudly. “Anna, hey,” she tried to show she hadn’t been crying.  
“It’s okay, you’re allowed to cry,” she tried to comfort her, knowing she wasn’t really good at it.  
“Thanks,” she tried to force out a laugh, she failed. “What are you doing down here?” her tone quickly changed to suspicion.  
“I just wanted to check in with you. I know we’re not close, but… losing people is hard. I do know that.”  
“I’ll get by, I have to, right?” her tone was sullen.  
“Not much time to mourn, never know when the next big thing is gonna happen,” she was making it worse and she knew it. “I’m here if you need me…”

Rose didn’t answer her, instead, she just threw her arms around Anna and held her close. At first, she was startled, not sure what she should do, but quickly put her arms around her right back. It was possible this was just something that they both needed. Fleeting moments with Poe were lovely, she wouldn’t deny that, but nothing truly beat a hug for that true intimacy to help you feel just that little more human. No one deserved to go through that pain of losing people, and there was a part of her that wished she could take this pain away from Rose, but that was obviously just a dream. She gave her a tight squeeze, letting her know she was still there but let Rose break the hug when she was ready, not wanting to pull away from her if she still needed it.

“Thank you,” Rose said quietly as she finally broke the hug.  
“It’s alright, it’s the worst part of this war, but sadly unavoidable. But we’re still strong, we’re still here,” a fleeting moment of happiness passing through her. They were still here.  
“We fight for them,” she said defiantly.  
“And we fight for each other,” her tone matching Rose’s.

Before they could say anything else, pandemonium seemed to erupt upstairs and the ship took a hit from something. How could that even be happening right now? Without thinking, Anna took off up the stairs and looking around at the chaos as she could see that the bridge had been obliterated. She should have been in there, she should have been with those people but she had to have her emotional breakdown. No, she wasn’t going to do that now, she wasn’t going to let this moment prove to her that she needed to shut down her feelings, this was her time to help and do whatever was needed to keep the living alive. Quickly switching gears, she started to give orders around her, getting people to get their heads into the situation and help whoever needed it and start to secure the ship as best as everyone could. She looked up, Poe and Finn were looking into space, watching something and as she approached, she saw that it was Leia, floating back to the ship.

If it was even possible, it became even more manic as everyone worked hard to get the General back into the ship and towards the medical bay. She and Poe both walked along side the bed, worry across their faces as they held either hand of one person that they admired more than they could even put into words. Her mind was rushing through every emotion and thought she could think in this moment and she had no idea how she could handle this right now. None of this was making sense but then when did anything really make sense? She stepped back as she watched the medics work to treat Leia in the best way they could but it was too much for her, burying her head into Poe’s chest as he put an arm around her, trying to comfort her, but both of them being almost broken in this moment.

Operations of the ship were moved to another room and everyone gathered, trickling into the room including Poe and Anna who sat next to each other, surreptitiously holding hands as the Resistance tried its hardest to and regroup. Everything was moving so incredibly fast and yet Anna’s brain had slowed down more than any time before. The Rodgas family were never ones for giving up and admitting defeat, but this was the first time where she actually felt scared. This was it, this was the last of the Resistance and a cursory glance reminded her how much bigger the First Order was. She wasn’t new to being the underdog or fighting an enemy a lot stronger than herself, but this was the first time she felt tiny and insignificant. Her grip around Poe’s hand tightened. This was it. This really was the end of the fight and they would just disappear with a whimper.

Holdo was appointed to lead them during this time as they awaited Leia to awake. Anna had no reaction, still stuck in her thought processes, the world moving in slow motion around her. Her mind was unable to take in the rousing speech that would bring at least a little hope to people’s hearts and continue to fight to survive this next stage, something that everyone in this room was going to try and do even though they had lost a lot of people in such a short period of time. She didn’t even react as Poe let go of her hand and made his way to Holdo, addressing her about something or other that she couldn’t even listen to, her mind fixated on how this was her punishment. Not only was she going to watch the Resistance being snuffed out but the cruelty of the galaxy, but she was going to have to do while her heart belonged to someone else, something she promised herself she would never do.

People moved around her and she was still in a daze, eventually standing to her feet and making her way towards the medical bay, her mind only able to instruct her to watch over Leia. Every person she bumped into said nothing and she barely reacted to each touch, not even noticing when a firm hand took hold of her shoulder. Poe chattered as he walked along side her, but she didn’t hear a single word, everything just sounding like a muffled blur. It wasn’t until they were finally in the room that she was slowly able to engage again, finally looking at him in the eyes and being hit with a wave of emotions. He pulled her into a tight hug without any words, not needing them to know that she was struggling with the way things were happening, but he wasn’t giving up, he wasn’t letting this be the end of this rebellion. 

They spent a moment in silence before she stepped up on her tiptoes and kissed him deeply, trying to hold onto the spark of life she still had burning inside of her. He moved back slightly, perching on the edge of a table so she didn’t have to stretch up and she slid her hands up his chest to rest on his shoulders. Her tongue slid into his mouth to meet his, the taste of him making her want him even more, the fog of her brain clouding everything apart from him, the only thing she wanted to be near so she could feel like breathing was worth it once more. Her hands pushed his jacket off his shoulders as she let her tongue explore his mouth, both of them getting caught up in the moment as his tongue danced around hers, a small mumble of satisfaction vibrating through his throat. 

Then her brain finally caught up with her, realising what she was doing as she broke the kiss and a sob started to form in her throat. She pulled his jacket back onto his shoulders and held onto the collar, placing her forehead against his as silent tears started to stream down her cheeks like lines of fire. His hand moved from her waist to her cheek, forcing a smile to try and make her feel better as he tried to comfort her. His thumb softly caressed her cheek, wiping away the tears and looking into her eyes, waiting for her to make eye contact with him but all she wanted to do was avoid his gaze.

“Anna…” he started, “please look at me.”  
“I can’t,” she almost whimpered.  
“You can, you have to,” his voice became firm, almost demanding.  
Her eyes fluttered to look up to him. “This is it, isn’t it?” she sounded terrified.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Everything we’ve been fighting for, all the people we’ve lost along the way, it’s been for nothing, hasn’t it?”  
“Don’t say that, don’t ever say that,” a flash of anger in his voice, “no, every thing we have done has been for something, you can’t lose vision of what we’re working towards, what we’re fighting. Come on, you can’t lay down and let them win.”  
“Look at us, we’re running, scurrying from the light, our numbers keep getting smaller and smaller, what do we do…?” she turned away from him, looking at Leia with a knot in her stomach. “She would know what to do, and instead we’re just waiting for orders like banthas to the slaughter.”  
“We’re not running, we’re surviving, and we will survive. Maybe not me and you, but the spirit of the Resistance will, and that’s all that needs to survive for this rebellion to keep on going.”  
“Will it? We’re the only ones fighting this fight, maybe we’re alone and once we’re gone, that’s the end of this.”  
“Hey, hey,” he took her shoulders, “don’t speak like that. Me and you could carry this whole rebellion on our backs,” he gave her a little cocky smirk. “We’ve got this, you’ve got this.”  
“Well someone’s gotta keep you in line I guess,” she returned the smirk, tears still in her eyes.  
“We’re going to be alright,” he said, trying to comfort himself as well.

The two of them stood in the moment, just letting each other hold onto this time with each other before they would have to come back to reality. Neither of them wanted to pull away from the embrace, but both of them knew that they had to, that they would have to carry on with their lives instead of ignoring the world around them. Any other time, and they would have been jolted away from each other when the door opened, but this time, Poe simply looked up while his arms still held Anna close. Finn and Rose stood at the door, both of them seemingly with a plan in mind to start the push back instead of waiting. Before breaking the hug and turning to the excited duo, she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at them with a stern eye to keep quiet and then closed the door, waving them on to continue.

Finn started to explain about the hyperspeed tracker that they had aboard their main ship, the thing that meant they wouldn’t be able to shake them. It was something that could be taken out and gave them at least six minutes to hit hyperspeed and finally escape them. There seemed to be two main issues with this plan, firstly, they had to get on board to get access to the tracker, and the second thing was that they needed a way to disable the tracker under the radar, which basically meant not blowing the thing up. This plan specifically called for Poe to not be in a craft of any kind and for once, Anna was thankful and he was just happy to agree with anything that meant they would take action instead of sitting back and simply waiting, like Holdo planned. A droid would never be able to hack into that mainframe, simply because they weren’t a First Order droid, but if they could find someone who could, and they knew exactly the person to contact.

Maz was a help to the Resistance plenty of times and someone that Anna had spoken to multiple times, she knew she was trusted and someone who had helped her find plenty of parts in a pinch before, this wouldn’t be much different. They got through to her but she was in the middle of a gun battle, telling them she couldn’t help all that much, but she could direct them to someone who could help them. They would have to travel to Canto Bight, but they didn’t have time for this, they needed something now. Anna reasoned, this was the only shot they had, they had no choice but to take this moment and do something. If they did nothing, they were just as bad as Holdo. At least if they tried and failed, they were still trying, they were still fighting for the right thing in this galaxy. It was crazy but maybe this could work, they could get to Canto Bight and back in enough time to also sneak onto the First Order ship, they could disable that tracker, all they had to do was find the Master Codebreaker. Rose and Finn could sneak off and mostly, no one would notice in the melee, Poe and Anna could run interference at any time they needed to make this all run smoothly. Before he left, Finn placed the beacon into Poe’s hand, knowing that if Rey was going to return, she would need to be with these two to be safe.

Their entire plan rested on Finn and Rose succeeding and Anna trusted them, but she couldn’t stop the trepidation in her mind from creeping in, reminding her over and over again that this could all go dramatically wrong. Holdo may have not been doing exactly what she would do in this situation, but that didn’t mean it was the wrong course of action, not that she would tell anyone she felt that way in this moment because this shot was something they had to take. She took her bag off of her shoulder finally and placed it in one of the chairs, pausing before finally letting go of it. She felt his hand taking hers cautiously and looked up to him, smiling finally in a way that warmed his heart the way it had that night they spent together in the medical bay. The two of them almost collapsed with exhaustion into the chairs in the room, first looking at each other, but quickly their attention turned to Leia, both of them remembering that all of this was for her and the survival of the Resistance. She slowly moved closer, taking Leia’s hand and bringing it to her lips for a delicate kiss.

“I never knew you two were so close.”  
“My dad was quite close to her, him and Han… they loved to sit around and just talk about crafts for hours and toddlers find that pretty boring, so she used to take me on walks with Ben, or she would sit around and braid my hair. She was like a mother to me…”  
“You don’t think…?” he didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t have to.  
“No. She loves Han more than the world around her. She is just a compassionate woman who saw a sad, lonely child and let her have some fun.”  
“So that’s where you get it from,” he smiled.  
“Don’t compare me to her, she’s worth a million of me.”  
“You’re selling yourself short, you’re one hell of a woman.”  
“It doesn’t matter, I still feel like I’ve let her down…”  
“I’m sure you have never let her down, I would go as far to say she is proud of who you are.”  
“Sure,” she snorted harshly.  
“You’ve survived this far, haven’t you? You’ve done so much for us, you think that what happened with Second Squadron defines everything, but it doesn’t. Your actions since that moment have proven you are more of a hero than anyone else. You’ve been there every day, working harder and harder, fixing everything, building new things, and most of all just being there. People knew we would come back and you’d be there ready to get us up again. You were our hope as we travelled back every time, that’s worth more than anything.”  
“You’re just saying that…”  
“I’m not, you know I would never lie to you,” he was serious.  
“It doesn’t matter now though, does it? What matters are the next things we do, that’s what we have to think about,” she just wanted to change the subject.  
“Once they get back, we can make sure they can get on that ship and back to us, I have faith in us,” that cocky smirk was back.

She punched him in his arm playfully, part of her really hating that he could never take anything seriously for more than two minutes, but part of her couldn’t help but find it horribly endearing as well. The two of them sat in the silence for a moment, all the movement of the ship seemingly had stopped and it suddenly hit her how unnerving that was, the stillness was unnatural when there was so much they still had to do. And yet, there was nothing to do. No orders. Nothing until Finn and Rose returned unless things changed here. Her eyes fell to look at her hands as they nervously started to fidget, not sure if this was even the right plan. Now all she could do was let her thoughts consume her once more and that’s when she started to feel overwhelmed and the crushing sense of failure looming.

Poe’s hand reached out and held hers to stop them, trying to send her some comfort. He wanted to kiss her once more, he wanted so much to hold her close and show her how much he cared but doing it in this room felt wrong. He made a snap decision and stood up, pulling her away and out of the room and started down the corridor. She didn’t resist, her heart already thumping hard as the rush started back up again since she knew what this was. Eventually, he picked a room, opened the door, closed it behind her and smiled before he stole a kiss in the moment, both of them breathless but ignoring that just so they could have this. He rested his forehead against hers as she leant against the door, their ragged breathing the only thing that could be heard or felt.

She pushed his jacket off his shoulders and he moved his arms so it would just drop to the floor as she then placed her hands on his jaw, tilting his face down slightly so she could kiss him deeply. It was all she wanted in this moment, the touch of his skin and the taste of his lips. Once this war was over, all she wanted to do was lay down so the two of them could watch the skies and not have to worry about the next attack or formulating another plan, they could just be with each other and that was all they needed. As she trailed a soft line of kisses down his neck, she felt him starting to tug at the tied arms of her overalls around her waist and she pulled back a little from him. He looked at her with concern, hoping that he hadn’t done anything wrong, but already knowing that maybe he needed more than she was ready to give right now. As he kissed her delicately, almost as a sorry, his hands carefully cupped her face.

No matter how much she wanted this right now, her mind wouldn’t stop telling her that right now she should be doing something more for all those people that were just trying to survive. Yet here she was just trying to capture a spark of life that she could hold onto the next time that they had to be apart. The feeling that she was being utterly selfish in a desperate time for the people around her was eating her up and she couldn’t shake it, returning his kisses with less and less passion each time. He knew that there was something wrong and he didn’t know how to fix it, and usually when faced with this, he could just do something erratic and it would be fixed. Pulling away, he simply watched her for a moment, studying her face as she looked away from him and he let out a little frustrated sigh. Nothing about this was ever going to be easy, but he wished for just once it was.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” she muttered.  
“Why? We need to steal every second together we can,” he was almost sad. “Anna, I need you right now, I love you.”

It was almost as if that was the thing she needed to hear for that selfish feeling to be buried and to finally just be in this room with him. Her fingertips traced down his neck, pulling him closer and kissing him once more, her tongue sliding into his mouth and he couldn’t stop the little mumble of satisfaction, the two of them massaging each other’s tongues. One hand carefully held onto the side of her neck, holding her close and the other rested on her hip, waiting for the moment to try again without making her uncomfortable. He could already feel the swelling making his pants feeling tighter, but he couldn’t push this no matter how much his libido wanted him to. As she pulled him even closer, their bodies pressed against each other in this haste for intimacy, his impulses took over and he wasn’t quick enough to stop them from reaching once more for knotted sleeves, but this time she didn’t stop him, her overalls slipping off with ease and hitting the floor with a dull thud.

He could feel the warmth as he cautiously dipped his hand in, slipping between her underwear and her skin and then his finger slowly slid along her entrance. She pulled away from the kiss with a sharp inhale of breath followed by a little murmur before she resumed kissing him, one of her hands tangling into his hair. He let that be his cue to carry on, letting his finger slide inside of her and slowly started to massage her walls, unable to suppress the smirk as he heard the little moan. He inserted a second finger, both stroking her insides to catch that one moan that was different from the others as his thumb pressed softly on her clit. He stole another kiss, his fingers working to make sure that she would be in this moment and nothing else would be able to enter her mind, wanting her to just be with him. He watched her as her eyes closed, her head resting on the door, her hand gripping onto his hair and biting down her lip to stop the moans from being too loud.

His fingers were almost dripping as he continued to explore her, licking his lips with desire and once again giving into his impulses and quickly undoing his pants and slipping them down with his underwear just enough. In one swift motion, he pulled his fingers out and used that hand to guide himself inside of her, the slick warmth stretching around him making a little moan stick in his throat. His hand rested on her hip while his thrusts pushed her heavily against the door with each one, his other hand cupping her cheek again as he watched her moan once more. Without thinking, he placed his fingers into her mouth and watched as she started to suck on them. He could feel her tongue playing between his fingers, the ones that had been inside of her and his hunger for her rising even more. The hand on her hip roughly grabbed onto her thigh and pulled it so he could push into her deeper, each thrust becoming harder. He began to pant heavily as he moved his hips quicker and her thigh higher. Her leg wrapped around him, pulling him closer as she moaned quietly against his fingers.

Her standing leg started to shake ever so slightly as he pumped his hips more, small grunts escaping from him as her hand gripped his hair a little tighter, pulling him closer to engage in a clash of lips. He trailed the kisses down her jaw line and to her neck, starting to suckle slightly on her skin, muffling his groans as much as possible, while the fingers in her mouth were making sure her moans were barely audible. His thrusts jolted to an end as he climaxed, shuddering with his ejaculation as his teeth dug into her skin, trying to stop the loud moan. His movements sent a shiver through her, her back arching and the leg around him coming down, causing his fingers to slip out of her mouth, as she breathlessly let out a series of short moans. Although he felt extremely sensitive, he pushed in deeper a few more times, clamping his hand over her mouth as she finally let out a quiet scream, almost muted completely by his hand. Her body shook as he held her close, the two of them sweating and panting as they tried to regain their composure. 

Before he pulled out, she stole a small kiss from him, another moment for him to admire her actions. The two of them had finally caught their breath and started to make themselves look presentable and hopefully not let the rest of the people around them know what they were up to. He knelt down in front of her, pulling up her underpants for her and pausing for a moment as he caught sight of a scar that he hadn’t seen before. Clearly uncomfortable with his hesitation, she pulled them up the rest of the way, and then pulled up her overalls, tying the sleeves around her waist and avoiding eye contact with him. He wasn’t trying to ruin the moment, but it seemed he had done that anyway. He sighed softly as he looked to the floor, buttoning up his pants and then picking up his jacket. Then his eyes saw the small beads of blood from his bite and the bruise already starting to form and offered his jacket.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.  
“It’s okay,” she slowly placed a hand on his cheek with a smile.  
“But also sorry for that,” he placed a hand near the bite.  
“It’s okay,” she kissed him softly on the lips.  
“The scar-”  
“It’s the past, it doesn’t matter, it… it’s from the crash.”  
“We don’t have to talk about it.”  
“But we do have to talk about how to cover this up,” she joked as she gestured to the love bite.

Poe acted quickly and put his jacket around her, making sure that the collar was able to cover it up. He couldn’t help but smile as he saw how she looked in his jacket, sure, it was a little big for her smaller frame, but it made her look like the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. Maybe it was premature, but he was confident enough right now to say that the two of them were made for each other. He just couldn’t resist it and quickly took her face and then kissed her deeply, smirking as he backed off and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She turned and waited, making sure there wasn’t too much motion outside of the door but before she could do anything, she felt a his breath on her neck and then a tiny kiss. She wanted to turn and hit him, but then also wanted to kiss him right back, but right now, they needed to get back to the mission. No matter how badly she wanted to stay in this room and forget there was a war going on, she wouldn’t let herself do that. She elbowed him softly to get him to stop it before she opened the door and stepped into the corridor. He followed behind and they made their way back to the medbay.


	6. Thought We Could Brave It All

As they made their way back, they both watched as the ship alongside them was fired at and perished and the rage boiled inside of him. He couldn’t control it, he changed direction and made a path back to the makeshift bridge, Anna pausing before realising what this meant and catching up to him quickly. It wasn’t that she was trying to stop him from doing what he felt had to, but she wanted to make sure he was cool and calm before he started to address her. She grabbed his arm before he stormed through the door and looked up at him, but he wouldn’t look at her, instead just trying to pull away from her and find out what Holdo was doing. Not letting him get away from her, she pushed him roughly against the wall, staring at him defiantly as she pinned him there with a firm arm.

“Don’t do this Poe.”  
“Don’t do what? Find out what’s going on, ask her why she’s letting us all die?”  
“You might not agree with her, but I’m sure she knows what she’s doing and her plan is going to work.”  
“So suddenly you’re not gonna fight? Did we send Finn and Rose on that mission for nothing?”  
“Of course not, but we need to at least trust Holdo.”  
“How can we trust her as we have no idea what she’s doing?”

He pushed her off him, but she didn’t react quick enough to stop him and could already hear him starting to lay into Holdo. She hated confrontation and she didn’t want to be involved in this, but she needed to step up and do something, she couldn’t keep letting the world happen around her. Things were being kicked around and she finally poked her head into the room, her heart quickly jumping into her throat. Poe raised his voice to Holdo, accusing her of being a coward and a traitor and instantly she tried to figure out what the situation was. Transporters were being given the fuel, enough fuel to get them away from the ship and possibly to another planet, a Rebel planet, Holdo’s plan might actually work, perhaps they could continue with hers if Finn and Rose couldn’t get there in time, it was a sensible plan. It wasn’t dramatic or heroic, but it was something that would secure survival for just a little bit longer, enough time to regroup and start planning their next move instead of just reacting to situations every time. 

Holdo ordered Poe off the bridge and he was escorted away by a few officers while Anna looked at what was happening. She knew that the ships were unshielded and unarmed, but there was a chance that the ships would also fly under the radar, being able to avoid detection if they could keep them distracted with the main ship. Someone may have to stay behind but sacrificing one person for the survival of all of Resistance that was left was better odds than if they continued to float on the remaining fuel they had. It wasn’t going to make her popular with Poe, but she was starting to come around to this idea. There was an awkward silence in the room as Holdo’s eyes came to rest on Anna and then folded her arms across her chest.

“Are you with him?” she asked accusatorily.  
“In what way?”  
“You’re wearing his jacket,” she said pointedly.  
“I was cold,” she lied coolly.  
“Get her out of here,” she ordered.

Any other time, Anna would have protested her innocence, but right now, it really didn’t matter what she would say, she was associated with Poe right now and that was enough to get her into trouble. She wasn’t sure what she should do; should she continue with the plan and stick by his side or try to swing him around to the plan and hope that he would back down a little? Her mind whirred as she was finally shoved back into the medbay and looked at the dejected Poe, wishing she could do something to make him feel better, but knowing that nothing would do that in this moment. The only thing that would was something she didn’t know she could do, stroking his ego wasn’t something they had time for when there were lives at stake. Knowing him, he was already coming up with a plan to outsmart Holdo to make sure that she wouldn’t be able to do what she was going to, something she was sure was the worst option of the bunch in her head right now.

“We need to stall her, they found a codebreaker and they’re on their way back.”  
“Poe, maybe we should see this plan out. Finn and Rose are risking so much going onto that ship, they’d be safer coming back here and we can escape on those transport ships.”  
“You’re taking her side?” he almost spat.  
“This isn’t about sides, you know I would fight with you until the end, but this is not the fight. We need to be together instead of dividing ourselves,” she placed a hand on top of his.   
He snapped his hand away from her as he stood up. “If we board those ships, they’re going to pick us off and we’re going to die. I’m not dying as I run away, I’m going out with a bang.”  
“You don’t have to fight your way out of every single situation,” her tone shifting to anger. “They won’t pick up the transporters because they won’t be looking for them. We can regroup and hit back even more powerful than they’re expecting.”  
“That plan relies on a lot of hopes.”  
“And the current one we have doesn’t? We’re hoping that three people and a droid can get into the flagship, hack into the system, turn the tracker off and escape, all without being caught. That seems like a dangerous plan.”  
“Anna, if you can’t support me, I’m going to do this without you.”  
“You’re not, I can’t let you do this,” she stood in front of the door.  
“I’m just going to talk to her.”  
“The hell you are! She will never buy into this plan, she doesn’t trust Finn and Rose like we do, and you’ll do something rash and we’ll have to formulate a new plan on the fly.”

She was right and he knew it, but it still wasn’t going to stop him from doing what he wanted to do. If she wasn’t going to let him execute this, he was going to have to figure out a way to leave this room without her following him and he knew it was going to make her hate him for a while but he couldn’t let this slip through his fingers. He kissed her, but she wasn’t buying it, barely reacting to it until he pulled her away from the door and to the table. He slid the jacket off her shoulders and placed butterfly kisses on her neck, his stomach already knotting to tell him this was horrible, but his head wouldn’t let him stop. He spun her around, putting his arm around her waist and still kissing her neck as his other hand rested at the top of her thigh. He bent her over the table, suckling on her neck for a moment, waiting for a tiny breathless moan before he made his break for it, turning on his heel and running out of the room, shutting the door and finding the people who would work with him on this.

It was too late once she realised what he had done and it felt like her heart was going to break; she trusted him, she let him in and now he was using her feelings to twist her to his will. She bit her bottom lip, almost breaking the skin as she tried hard not to cry, no, she wasn’t going to waste any tears on this and instead she was going to do what should be done. She caught her breath and opened the door, starting to search the corridors for him, looking into a few rooms to see who he was gathering, knowing that he had to have people he thought he was right because that’s what he was good at. He was good at fooling people that fighting was always the right option even if a retreat was safer for all involved. There wasn’t time for this, she had to get to the boarding docks and warn Holdo before it all kicked off and hope she got there in time.

She burst into a run, heading there and barely being able to make the last corner before finally arriving just as Poe had a band of other rebels holding Holdo at blaster point. She scowled at him as he announced they were taking over the ship. He holstered his blaster and made his way to the bridge but before he could, she grabbed him by the arm, shaking her head and trying to make sure that he didn’t do this, that he stopped reacting before thinking. He shrugged her hand off and with a stubborn defiance, she took off his jacket and handed it back to him before taking a position standing next to Holdo. He looked back at her, hoping she would just look at him once more, he couldn’t let this be their last interaction if this was going to end badly. And yet it was. She wouldn’t turn to look at him and he couldn’t show weakness to his fellow mutineers, they had to continue this plan and so he made his way to the bridge to start shutting down the boarding dock.

“I thought he was your boyfriend,” Holdo asked, watching the people with blasters trained on them.  
“So did I,” Anna snipped.

Suddenly, they were plunged into darkness and without a moment’s thought, Holdo snatched a blaster from the person next to her and blasted one of the people holding them hostage. There was a flurry of action as the people around her started firing and she felt a little useless since she never carried weapons and she was without her tool belt. That didn’t stop her from lunging towards one of them, grabbing his wrist and twisting it to the side before delivering an uppercut to his stomach and disarming him. She pointed his blaster back at him and he raised his arms in surrender. As she cast a glance around the dock, she noticed that they were now in control again and she lowered the blaster, the boarding of the transport ships starting back up again. That was when she finally realised that she had left her bag in Leia’s room, her heart sinking as she realised she wasn’t going to have time to get it.

She heard footsteps behind her and span, raising the blaster again and lowering it just as quickly as she noticed that it was a small group surrounding Leia and for the first time, she could feel that hope burning in her heart once more. Silently, the General handed Anna her shoulder bag and then started to speak with Holdo. Anna held her bag tightly to her chest before putting the strap back over her shoulder and aiding with boarding plans, making sure that everyone was getting on, even the people who had tried to stop this plan. Some of the ships had already begun their journey away from this ship, another thing they would have to abandon to survive another day, but they were going to be okay. They had to be. All of the ships were full and she made her way back to Holdo, over hearing the last part of their conversation.

Holdo was going to sacrifice herself for the survival of the Resistance and she suddenly realised this had been the plan all along. Holdo had made this plan knowing she wasn’t going to see the future and Anna could see that meant she could see something worth dying for in all of this and that hope was sparked into something she hadn’t felt for a very long time; belief. Belief that this was going to happen, that it was all going to be okay eventually, of course not over night and definitely not any time soon, but it was going to work out and Anna was going to fight this until the very last minute. Then again, what more could she bring to this? Anna was heartbroken, possibly beyond repair, she couldn’t really fight or fly any more, and more than anything, they would need leaders and people who could come up with plans. Holdo should be getting on that transporter. As she approached to stop her from leaving, Leia placed a hand on Anna’s shoulder and simply shook her head and ushered her into the craft.

If she was going to be forced to be aboard one of these crafts, she had wished it wasn’t the one with Dameron. He had taken advantage of her feelings for him, the fact that she couldn’t resist him at any moment and twisted it so he could fool her. She felt like an absolute idiot. Positioning herself as far away from him as possible, she brought her bag to her chest and held it close and shut her eyes tightly, suppressing the emotions rushing through her. She wished she had the strength to confront him, but she was just too tired, so instead tried to feel the comfort from the memories of her father and her old squadron. Maybe for once she would feel the warmth of their love instead of the coldness of their absence.

She was shook out of her thought as she watched him overreact like he was want to do in situations like this, a toddler who hadn’t got his way, watching as the Haddus drew fire as they escaped. Before he could catch her eye, she looked away from him and back out of the window towards Crait, waiting for them to land so she could finally breathe in and feel a sun on her cheeks. He listened to Leia as she reminded him that this war wasn’t about heroics, it was about doing the right thing to survive and his heart sank a little further. She took the beacon from his wrist, giving him a warm smile but furrowing her brow as he looked away. He knew what he had done was almost unforgivable, but he hoped that Anna would have it in her heart to let him at least prove he was sorry. Leia looked to Anna, noticing how she was actively avoiding looking over at them and he still refused to look up at her.

“What did you do?” she accused him instantly, knowing Anna would never be this stubborn if it was something she’d done.  
“I tricked her. I distracted her so I could get away from her and do what I wanted to do.”  
“She told you to let Holdo carry out her plan?”  
“Of course she did, she’s smarter than me…” he looked down at his hands that were now wringing.  
“Now you have to deal with the consequences. You’ll have to do a lot to regain her trust,” she warned him.  
“I know…” he sighed, rubbing his brow, “she has every right to hate me.”  
“She does, and she also has a right to never forgive you.”  
He looked at her, realising he’d never even considered that.  
“You acted without thinking what you were going to do to her. She’s lost a lot and for someone to take something from her is going to leave a bitter taste in her mouth.”  
“I didn’t think…”  
“You never do. If you’re going to insist you love her, you need to let her feel that instead of just telling her. You can never betray her trust like that ever again.”  
“I wouldn’t.”  
“You say that, but what if she disagrees with you again? And how will she know you won’t do it again? Prove yourself to her, don’t tell her.”  
“How do I even do that?”  
Leia took his hand. “You’ll know when the time comes, don’t push her and you may earn her forgiveness. You can’t rush this.”

Everyone was shook out of their current lines of thought as they watched some of the crafts ahead of them being shot out of the sky. A blast closer shook their own craft and everyone began to exchange panicked looks as the reality began to sink in that this was going to be all about luck if they were going to survive. They were unarmed and this was it. The only calm person onboard was now Anna who simply settled into her position and held her bag close, breathing slowly, accepting she wouldn’t get to feel that sun, but she at least felt that she had done as much as she could for everyone around her. She was going to be reunited with all the people she loved and she felt was true content felt like.

If this was it, if they were really going down in an unarmed battle, he couldn’t let that last action be their last time together. He needed to do something but he was trying to take in what Leia had told him, he had to make some kind of change, but right now, there didn’t seem to be any time to actually think about this, he just had to do it. His mind pulled itself into a million different directions and finally decided the only thing he could do was say sorry. He wouldn’t be able to make her forgive, but maybe he could show her that he really didn’t mean to hurt her and maybe she would believe him. He rushed to her and knelt in front of her, cautiously placing a hand on her knee. She didn’t react, not even opening her eyes.

“What I did was unforgivable. I took advantage of you, I acted like a fool, and I’m sorry. Wait, don’t… I know you don’t have to accept this apology and you don’t have to forgive me. I just want you to know that I am sorry and if I could go back, I would think before I acted instead of just giving into my ego. At any time I could have listened to you, but I didn’t because I couldn’t stand being wrong. I don’t want that to be the last thing I did to you. I do love you, I did mean that, I meant that with every atom of my being and if I get the chance, I’m going to prove it to you, I promise that,” his eyes were starting to fill with tears.  
“It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. Please just leave me,” she barely looked at him, almost like she was exhausted and unable to move.

He hesitated before standing up, backing away from her and turning to watch to see what else was happening. His stomach lurched as he watched Holdo directing the Haddus towards the main First Order ship. Everyone held their breaths, knowing what was coming next, but none of them wanting to know that is was going to happen. Anna’s barely open eyes caught the sight and stood to see what was happening. She muttered softly under her breath “God speed” just before everyone watched the craft hit hyperspeed and tore right through the First Order. That hope poured back into Anna, the loss of another person not making her want to give up, but making her remember how much people believed in this cause. Holdo had been ready to sacrifice herself for all of these people to survive and to keep fighting this fight. There had to be more people like her through out the galaxy and Anna was going to make sure that she was one of those.


	7. Flying in the Arms of the Undecided

They continued their journey to Crait, knowing that there was an old Rebel base that they could occupy and feel some kind of safety for a time before the First Order could start to regroup and attack. Landing on the planet, they quickly rushed inside, hoping to get as much time to protect themselves as possible but also making sure all of the survivors got into the base. A flurry of action as people started arming themselves or starting to explore the base to start up the machinery and checking over the crafts. There wasn’t a hell of a lot here that wasn’t entirely burnt out or just horribly rusted, but it was all they had so they would have to just deal with it. Anna followed a fresh line of landing tracks, her brows furrowing as she started to follow it, but turned quickly to rush towards the shuttle that was crashing in as the doors were being closed, almost crushing the craft but not quiet.

Two sets of hands appeared out of the blasted out window and she got closer, standing almost behind Poe as Finn and Rose appeared out of the cockpit and she had to cough to stop herself from bursting into tears at the survival of two people she had assumed would at least still be stuck as prisoners. Of course Poe demanded to see his droid and she couldn’t help but smile as she saw that BB-8 was absolutely fine. The instant reaction to seeing the way Poe greeted his droid with scratches and then a massive hug was warming and then instantly hated herself for feeling that way. Why was he still making her feel this way after what he had done to her? She couldn’t think about that right now, she had to go back to what she had been, figuring out who those fresh tracks belonged to.

“Dax?” she furrowed her brow, recognising the craft as his, but the helmet obscuring who it was.  
“Hey,” he shot her a goofy grin after taking off the helmet.  
“Look, I don’t have time to talk about anything, take a blaster, listen to whatever orders are given. If you’re here, you need to be useful, we can talk if we survive this.”  
He wasn’t used to being told what to do, and yet he straight away did it for his little sister. “Anything I can do, I will.”  
“Anna!” Rose called from behind her.  
Anna didn’t even think and simply took her into a hug. “Good to see you.”  
“You too,” she smiled softly. “Have you looked over what’s left?”  
“Barely anything sturdy, but they’re flyable,” especially if you’re Dameron.  
Dax coughed softly in the background.  
“Rose, this uh- this is my half brother, Dax. Do me a favour, take him to General Organa, get him something to do, I’m going to do as much as I can for those crafts.”  
She looked for a moment, wanting to ask a lot of questions, but everyone knew there was not enough time. “How did you and Poe do with the plan?”  
“It doesn’t matter, what matters is that we’re all here now, we survive.”

No one could say anything before Anna ran off to start trying to figure out what she could do to even be vaguely useful in this situation. Rose and Dax, complete strangers looked at each other, but both knew almost instantly from her reaction that something had happened between those two. Anna wasn’t going to talk about it until she was ready and it was possible that maybe she was never going to be ready, but it didn’t matter, all that mattered was these crafts. Getting into the guts of one of them was where she was comfortable, enjoying the smell and the feel of just being lost in the gears and electronics and slightly unable to believe that now she was working on a craft that maybe her father had once piloted before. Unplugging something, scraping the rust off and then replugging it wasn’t what she wanted to do, but it was all she could, patch and get it working, she didn’t have time. 

The base shook and she hurried back down to the gathering downstairs, still trying her hardest to avoid making any kind of eye contact with him. The First Order were charging a weapon that could blast through that door with ease, and C-3PO informed them that BB-8 couldn’t find a way out of this base. While she trusted the droid, she couldn’t believe that anyone would build a base without a back exit to escape or prepare a sneak attack. She couldn’t finish her thought when Finn told them that they would be alright, all they needed to do was wait it out while they waited for back up to arrive, people still believed in them and they weren’t alone in this fight. People stepped forward to volunteer to take on the army that was on the ground, not all pilots, but all of them filled with spirit. As Poe walked passed her, he leant in to kiss her softly on the cheek, but she flinched away from him, not that he expected anything else. In fact, he’d at least expected a slap, but he guessed she had more decorum than he had.

“What happened between you two?” Dax finally asked, cutting the tension clumsily.  
“Long story.”  
“Well, we got time and not much else. Might as well kill it with some stories.”  
“I told him not to do something, that it was a stupid plan. Instead of just saying I was wrong or that I should get out of his way, he kissed me, he stood there and made his little plan to get me away from the door using my own feelings against me so he could sneak around me. I would have rather just been punched in the face.”  
“Kind of a dick move…”  
She couldn’t stop herself from snorting. “And anyway, I’m still mad at you for what you did!” her tone quickly changing.  
“I get it, I would be too, but I wanted to make sure you survived that so I could find you again. I know neither of us really care for our mother, she abandoned us because she couldn’t be bothered, but when I found out I had a sister…” he looked away for a moment. “I’ve never had a family, I’ve never had people who cared about me. Maybe misguided, but part of me felt that maybe you would just accept me and I could be your big brother and someone would care about me.”  
Anna wasn’t sure what to say, simply reaching out and holding his hand. “You’ve just found me at a really weird time,” she almost laughed.  
“But you and the flyboy… you think he can fix it?”  
“I really don’t know… I…” she trailed off, everything overloading her a little bit as she found it harder to think. “I haven’t been able to love for a while and I let him in and he did that... I’m not sure how to deal with this.”  
“I can beat him up if you want me to, I would one hundred percent do that for you,” he was dead serious.  
She chuckled but stopped once she saw how serious he was. “No, no, don’t… don’t do that. No. It’s fine, we’ll figure it out one way or another, you can’t put the Resistance’s best pilot out of action.”  
“Oh? Well, at least if you can’t forgive him, you can still respect him.”  
“I’ll always respect what he’s done for the Resistance, just not what he does as a human being.”  
“Ah, you’ll be alright, boys are stupid right?” he said with a little wink.  
“You make a good point,” she smiled sadly.

Was she always going to do this to herself? The three men she had fallen in love had all broken her heart. The first left her without a word, just disappearing in the night and never returning, not letting her even say goodbye to him before he decided that being with her just wasn’t for him. The second, sure, it wasn’t necessarily his fault, but he had died, his last words mumbled through pain and discomfort, telling her to carry on living. And she tried, she had tried so hard and now this. She resisted feeling so she didn’t have to get hurt, she cared for people, but she didn’t allow herself to fall in love, she didn’t want to take all of that in and yet he said she should. He pushed until she opened up to him and then because he wanted to get something, he betrayed her emotions. She bit her lip to stop herself from crying.

Usually this was the moment people would walk away from her, or quip to make her chuckle, but this was different. Dax wrapped his huge arms around her and enveloped her into a tight hug, making her feel safe and warm. Her body fell lax, melting into the hug and put her arms around his waist, feeling like maybe he had been the piece of her life she had been missing all of this time. Just someone who wanted to be around her without expecting anything back from her. Instinct told her to pull away, that letting him hold was going to create more issues and put him in danger, but she was just too tired to react. She could feel his hand gently rubbing her back and just for a split second, it was like she was back in her father’s arms. He was caring for her despite knowing she couldn’t give him anything back and it was almost freeing.

Suddenly, she could feel him pulling back slightly and she refused to let him go.  
“Anna?” Jal said, carefully approaching her.  
Her ears pricked up as she spun around and saw her fellow mechanic, her heart soaring as she brought him into a quick tight hug. “I didn’t know if…”  
“It’s alright, apparently I’m harder to kill than you would think,” he chuckled.  
“What’s going on?”  
“Poe… he’s asking for you over the radio.”  
“I have nothing to say to him,” she said bluntly as she shared a wearily look with Dax.  
“I don’t know what suddenly happened between you two-” Jal was interrupted abruptly.  
“Does it matter?” Dax snapped. “She doesn’t want to talk to him.”  
Jal looked cautiously from Dax to Anna. “I know it’s not my place to say, but he does care about you, and you know if you don’t hear him out, this could be a moment you regret for a very long time,” he knew her enough to know he was speaking the trust, even if she didn’t want to admit it.  
“Do you want me to talk to him?” Dax offered, the big brother role fitting with comfort.  
“No, Jal’s right, I’ll hear him out.”

She approached the command post with trepidation and waited for another moment before announcing herself to the room. Connix handed her a headset so she could have some idea of privacy.

“Dameron,” she was short and cold.  
“I know you’re still mad, you have every right to be, but if I die out here, I’m not doing it without telling you that I love you.”  
“Then don’t die and you won’t have to say it,” she softened ever so slightly.  
“Guess I’ll have to survive and say it to your face,” she could hear the smirk in his voice.  
“Not yet, maybe eventually, but not now…”  
“Rodgas…” he sounded defeated.  
“Dameron.”  
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.  
Anna couldn’t respond, she just didn’t know what to say and took the headset off, holding it out for someone to take.  
Dax took it. “Hey there,” he tried to sound friendly.  
“Dax, that you bud?”  
“Don’t call me bud,” his voice only audible to Poe. “You so much as look at my sister before she’s ready and I will break every bone in your body, but only once the one I broke before has healed, got that?” he smiled to the people around him, putting on a show that this was a great conversation.  
“Loud and clear,” Poe tried to not sound scared but probably failed.  
“See you when you get back,” his voice louder so the people around could hear and a hell of a lot friendlier than it was before.

No one was given a chance to speak to Anna as Dax took the headset off quickly and then put his arm around her to escort her to a small collection of boxes so she could just sit down and decompress. He didn’t need her to talk to know that she was having a very hard time trying to process what just happened. It was a lot and he started to feel a small burn of hatred for Poe, infuriated that he would put all of that on her when he was the one who should be holding in the hatred for himself right now. Poe made the mistake, he should be the one paying for it and yet he was still trying to force her to address something she couldn’t, not now. He sat across from her with a smile, his dark eyes seemingly giving her the light she needed right now. It took all the energy she had to finally smile back, and even though it was barely there, he could feel the warmth radiating back. Is this what it felt like to love someone and to not feel the pressure of anything else tainting it?

The base started to shake as the cannon fired up and blew the doors. If she hadn’t already thought that she was going to die multiple times recently, she may have been more scared, but she was becoming more okay with this feeling. As if it was something that they had been doing forever, she picked up two blasters and threw one in Dax’s direction, he caught it with ease and the two of them approached the command post, waiting instructions. No one else was coming, they were fighting this alone and while everyone seemed dejected, Anna was strangely fine with all of this. She was ready for this fight, everyone else in the galaxy was scared, unable to see a true way out of this and so she could never blame them. The First Order was able to strike fear into the hearts of everyone, people were too scared to speak up for themselves or even others but that was why she was here, it’s why she was going to fight for them. She truly felt like her old self again who wanted to fight for those who couldn’t.

How could they all feel so defeated when she was ready to take on the entire galaxy with just her blaster and her half brother? This wasn’t right and she needed to change it, but before she could even say a word eyes turned to see Luke Skywalker, arriving in a typical mystical fashion that Jedis were famous for. Things had always been difficult for when Luke was mentioned as she respected everything he had done for the rebellion and always understood the sacrifices he had made. He had told her some of the greatest stories as she was growing up, tales of flying and fighting with her father by her side had always made her want to fly those exact same crafts. But Luke was also the person she blamed for taking Ben away from her. 

They shared a stern head nod and nothing else, this was not the time to bring up old grievances, this was a time for him to be the hope that everyone else needed. He sat with Leia, speaking of what was going to have to happen. She thought it would be harder to stomach, but she assumed that all the adrenaline was currently stopping her from feeling what she would have. Either that or this was acceptance that Ben had died the minute he left her to start training. Maybe she always knew from a young age that people wouldn’t come back to her once they had parted and that’s why she tended to cling to them when they were with her. More likely it was that her brain was racing so much that she didn’t have time to really think about what was really about to happen.

Luke ventured out to the battlefield, standing before the troops of the First Order and waiting for a reaction. Everyone watched with baited breath until they opened fire, everyone else rushing into the command room to watch what was happening. The familiar breath of Poe brushed against her neck and she could feel her hand clenching, not quite sure what the emotion was that was coursing through her but she wasn’t going to act on it. He stood behind her, not on purpose, but simply because that was where he ended up but now he was there, he wished that he could do something, that he could say something but it was absolutely the wrong moment. Her scent wafted through his nostrils and he had to suppress the urge to take her hand, place a kiss on her neck, or softly move her hair away from her skin. Maybe the next time they were alone.

The smoke from the attack cleared and the room breathed a sigh of relief in unison as they saw that not only did Luke survive, but he also didn’t even have a mark on him. This was the moment when Anna’s stomach sank, watching as a transporter came down and she knew that he would be in it, she had to not be in here, she wouldn’t be able to watch or even be near it. She heard the cries of Finn, calling for help and it almost seemed like perfect timing as she broke into a run, finding Finn dragging the lifeless body of Rose. She kicked into automatic mode, simply rushing to the side and aiding the other medics, something she was used to when she had been on missions in the past. They had her stabilised and the head medic took Rose further into the base, nothing more could be done for her and they could only wait for her to regain consciousness. 

Poe was looking out of the base, watching as Kylo Ren got off his craft and walked towards Luke. His mind clicked; this was a distraction. Anna stood beside Finn, smiling reassuringly to let him know that Rose was going to be okay. Poe announced his thoughts to those around him. Finn protested against that, they had to fight, they had to help Luke.

“No, no, we are the spark that will light the fire that’ll burn the First Order down. Skywalker’s doing this so we can survive.”

She hated him so much. Those simple words were all it took for her to start looking at him the way she had done before he betrayed her. Her breath hitched ever so slightly and Dax shot her a look, knowing that she was ready to forgive that idiot when she definitely shouldn’t. It didn’t matter, they didn’t have time for this, all they had time for was the next part of the plan and that was getting out of here without the enemy knowing. Poe started barking orders on how they needed to find an exit when they started to realise that there weren’t any noises coming from the creatures around them. With a small sigh, Dax correctly identified them as vulptex, not trying to sound condescending, but failing quite badly. One padded around the corner and let out a small bark and shook its fur, a beautiful melody of it’s ice fur tinkling against itself. Poe ordered everyone to follow him, but everyone still had to look to Leia, looking for her confirmation until they took off after the creature.

Everyone took off after him, except Anna. She paused, looking back out towards the battle between the master and his fallen student. Her mind had almost shut down, unable to even emote how she thought she would feel in this situation, feeling nothing as she caught sight of her first love, the boy she thought she would take the world on with. Then she felt Leia’s hand on her shoulder, escorting her down the tunnel that everyone else had moved down, following the small vulptex towards the exit that all of its friends had used. It was a dead end. They couldn’t keep meeting the end of their plans, there had to be something, some way they could get out of here without bringing attention to themselves.

She slipped her hand into Dax’s, looking up at him with a reassuring smile, this wasn’t going to be it, she was starting to believe that maybe the galaxy was going to help them out. They kept spending their time relying on others when it was just the things around them and themselves that was getting them out of these situations. That optimism was back, this wasn’t it, there was something that was going to save them. All the time she had believing she was cursed, but maybe that was just the nature of the world, recent events, although had seen her lose more people around her, had also proven that the spark of the Resistance was never going to go out as long as she would continue to be stubborn and resilient. As if the galaxy was thanking her for believing in it for once, the rocks in the entrance started to shake, lifting and moving out of the way, revealing a valley and a young girl with the Millennium Falcon behind her. The siblings shared a quick side hug and then everyone made their onto the craft, one person carrying Rose aboard and everyone finally taking a moment to see who was around them, most a little confused at the arrival of Dax, but no one questioning it since Anna was holding his hand.

There is was. That breather she had asked for all of this time. Sitting down in one of the corners of the ship, she brushed aside a small amount of dust, seeing the little scratches of paint in the shape of a star her past self had thought she was the coolest for doing. Oh, you little rebel, the voice of Han echoing though her head and her lips curled into a little smile. She was too tired to do anything else right now except lean up against the wall of the ship and close her eyes, letting the world do whatever it wanted around her. She wasn’t quite asleep, simply drifting at this moment, still vaguely aware but just unable to react. Even more so when she could smell the familiar scent of Poe, hoping he didn’t try and talk to her this time, wishing he would just leave her alone. She felt a blanket being placed over her and tucked softly under her to keep her warm while she had her nap. She could finally just be at peace for a while.


	8. Got To Be What Tomorrow Needs

As things seemed to settle, Poe sat in a place where he could see most of the ship, but mostly so he could keep an eye on Anna, making sure that she was okay in all of this. She seemed to be strangely okay and was taking all of this a lot better than he expected and he couldn’t lie, he was absolutely thankful she was feeling this way. A sharp and painful crack to the back of his head shook him out of his hazy world and he turned around to see Leia scowling at him having just hit him with the full force of a woman’s fury. At first, he was confused at this sudden switch from what the mood on the ship was, then it dawned on him what this was about and couldn’t stop the sigh slipping from between his lips as she sat down next to him.

“What did I say to you?” she was uncharacteristically angry.  
“Which time?” he shot her a cocky smirk.  
She flinched, wanting to hit him once more, but suppressing that feeling. “The time I told you to let Anna come to you,” she was calm once more.  
“But I couldn’t… I needed to tell her, what if I died out there?” he struggled to defend himself.  
“She doesn’t need you to tell her these things. She knows. But she also knows that you do whatever you want to get your way. You knew you weren’t going to die out there, yet you pulled that stunt to make sure everyone on base could see your grand gesture, so others would start to tell her to forgive you. The more you do that, the more you’re going to push her away.”  
He had nothing to say, looking away from Leia.  
“It’s not my place to tell you her story, but she has had every person she cares about ripped away from her. For her to even consider falling in love with you took her a lot. She needs to come back to that decision on her own.”  
“But she needs to know how I feel.”  
“She knows. You don’t need to keep telling her. What she needs is for you to stop trying to force her to confront this.”  
“I just want to hold her again…” he trailed off before he got too graphic in front of the General.  
“And you will, but only if it’s on her terms. She took your blanket, didn’t she?”  
He nodded.  
“She’s willing to let you back in, but it’s going to take time. She’s willing to let you try, but she’s in charge.”  
“So, laying next to her-”  
“Outta the question,” she stared at him quickly. “If she asks, then yes, but until she does, you keep your hands, your eyes, and your lips to yourself,” she stared sternly.  
“What do I do to stop myself from doing that?” he was frustrated.  
“Have some self-restraint, or distract yourself. Get up there with Chewie and start trying to find us a route to safety, finding somewhere we can set up base and start again.”

That was all he could do for this time being wasn’t it? He just had to sit around and keep himself as distracted as possible so he wouldn’t drive himself insane. She looked like she was finally getting some peaceful rest, finally able to let go of everything that was happening around her so she could finally slumber properly. As he watched her, he chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, looking at the love bite he had given her and the guilt sending a sharp pain through his stomach. If he sat here for another moment, he would have to deal with more of these feelings and so he took her advice, moving away from here and to a place where he could scope out the locations of old Rebel bases that perhaps they could take over next. 

Rey was introducing herself to a few of the people that she had never met before, making sure that not only she knew who she was going to be working with, but also to make sure that she could fill the rest of the crew with the same optimism that Leia had instilled in her. She settled beside someone who she didn’t think even looked like he would be part of this group of people, but he was here, so he had to be here for a reason. Even though he was sat down, she could tell that he would have towered over her, that he was someone who would definitely be able to handle himself in a fight, and wasn’t adverse to intimidation. She offered him a bright smile and her hand, introducing herself to him. 

“I’m Rey!” she said brightly.  
“Dax,” he said, not breaking the line of sight he had on someone else.  
She was a little thrown off by his abrupt reaction. “So, what do you do around here?” she just wanted to make conversation.  
“Nothing.”  
“I’m sure that’s not true, everyone has a role here, no matter how small,” she tried to bring his spirits up.  
“No, I do nothing here, I’m not Resistance,” he heard her moving, probably for an attack after his words making little sense to anyone who didn’t know him. “Wait, no, not like that,” he finally looked at her. “I am Resistance in the sense I’m here and I’ll work with you guys, but I’m only here for my sister. I’ve spent years looking for her…” he trailed off.  
Rey was suddenly hit with a wave of emotions, her own family history being a sticking point for her most days. “How did you find her?”  
He smirked. “It took a lot, but I couldn’t give up, especially knowing my little sister was a Resistance hero.”  
“She was worth finding, then?” she sounded a little disheartened.  
“She would always be worth finding, I barely know her and I already know I would die for her.”  
“But is that because you know she can help the Resistance, or for a different reason.”  
“I couldn’t care less about her ability to help the Resistance, I only want her to be happy and free.”  
“You really don’t care about this war?” her curiosity peaked.  
“I didn’t, I do now. If she’s willing to lay her life down for it, so am I. Though between you and me, I’d rather none of us die, you know?” he chuckled lightly.  
“That would be better,” she gave him a little smile. “So uh… who is your sister?”  
“Anna Rodgas, she was-”  
“The daughter of Alister Rodgas?” she interjected with a little excitement, “she was also the leader of Second Squadron, that Anna Rodgas?” she looked up at him with bright eyes.  
“One and the same, though maybe don’t talk to her about it, she’s got a lot going on,” he quickly looked around, catching Poe as he finally left the main room and heading off somewhere else.  
“I’m sorry to hear that, do you know if there’s anything I can do?” she asked softly.  
“Kill Poe,” he muttered.  
“Sorry, what did you say?” she was oblivious to what he had said.  
“Nothing, don’t worry, just… just be kind to her, don’t ask too many questions, let her talk about what she wants to talk about, and if you see Dameron going towards her, stop him,” his voice dropping to a menacing tone at the last part.  
“Can I ask you questions about things, or is that another thing I shouldn’t do?”  
“Dameron broke her heart, if he tries anything, I will break his spine,” he was blunt.  
“Oh. Oh right. Yeah, I’ll stop him if I see him trying to talk to her,” she was flustered, not used to such a nonchalant threat.  
“I appreciate it, Rey,” he smiled. “And uh- if there’s anything I can do to help, I’ll try. I’m not great at strategy or plans, but I’m great at fighting; punching, shooting, hell, even used a lightsaber once,” he bragged.  
“Really? Would you know how to fix one?” she asked him.  
“If the crystal is alright, you just need a new casing for it, if that’s gone, the whole thing is a write off. But I definitely know a guy who knows guy who can get hold of a kyber,” he smirked softly.  
“Looks like you’re also the parts guy,” she nudged him playfully.  
“Black market is the best market,” he winked.  
“Is that what you did before this?”  
“Anything and everything, no job too small, no price to big,” he joked. “It was a living, but pretty lonely…” he trailed off, instantly regretting saying that out loud.  
“I was a scavenger on Jakku, that was lonely as well. And then all of this happened,” she smiled.  
“I guess at least now we finally found some friends,” he smirked playfully.  
“This feels like more than friends.”  
“Like a family,” he smiled at her.

Dax couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he just felt comfortable with her, like it was okay to just talk to her about anything and everything and it wouldn’t really matter. And that’s exactly what they did, engaged in small talk for a while about nothing in particular, but just trading words to keep themselves entertained. Every so often, he would cast a glance to Anna, seeing if she was still asleep and that Poe was as far away from her as possible. Other people in the ship started to find different people to sit with, comforting each other and just making sure that everyone was going to get through this alright. He knew that they had a big battle ahead of them, and sure, maybe he was a little bias, but he was pretty sure that if they had Anna on their side, they were going to be able to win this war.

Finn was still processing what had happened out on the battlefield and how Rose had almost sacrificed herself to save him and he couldn’t quite understand why. She told him to fight for what he loved and not fight what he hated and those were the same things. He was fighting for survival and freedom and the only way to do that was to destroy the First Order, it was the only way they were going to ever get out from under them. As he looked around the ship, he started to think about how little their numbers were now, that they were going to have to find others around them that wanted to fight for the same thing. But then he looked deeper. Everyone on this ship were comforting each other, making sure that each other were okay and that they could all go on to fight another day together and that’s when it finally hit him.

Everyone here had a battle to fight, they wanted to make sure that they were all going to get their freedom, but mostly, they were fighting for each other. Every mission they had been on was to save the person standing next to them, to save the person they were holding onto and that’s what he had to change. He couldn’t let go of the anger completely, he would never be able to forget about what the First Order had done to him and the other people they had attacked, but he could make sure that wasn’t the first emotion he felt when he reacted to something. He would think about the people around him whenever he made a decision and that meant keeping the people that he cared about at the front of his mind. Rey, Poe, Leia, Rose, and anyone else that he fought along side were the people that he needed to think of and not the fact that the First Order took away his childhood and the life that he could’ve had. Not that she was conscious enough to know, but he placed a soft kiss upon Rose’s forehead, thanking her for finally making him see how this war was going to be won.

Poe had it, the planet they could make their way to that would be safe and out of the way of everything. It was on the other side of the galaxy and they could probably get there in a day or two and still be under the radar. He made sure with Chewie that this would be a good possibility and he agreed but told him to ask Leia first. With a new found vigour, he told her about the planet and before he could finish, she already agreed. Ajan Kloss was a place she knew all too well but also knew that perhaps it would be a great place for Rey to continue her training. Not only that, but as a moon, it would perhaps be a place that they could be safe from someone accidentally finding them and exposing their position. The Force was guiding them there so it had to be the correct choice.

At least a day had passed and everyone was continuing to walk around the ship and try to be useful in anyway they possibly could be. Apart from Anna. She was still asleep in her small corner with the blanket draped over her, no one having the heart to wake her up and also slightly scared by the stern looks Dax would give them. Eventually, her eyes did flutter open, letting out a little satisfied mumble as she stretched and let herself adjust a little more to the environment. Using the wall behind her, she carefully stood up, gaining her balance and scanning the ship before realising that her brother had been sat close by, watching her, smiling as he saw her wake up. She returned his smile, ruffling up his hair as she walking passed him and making her way around the ship to see who else was around.

Ghosts of her past followed her around the ship, remembering being chased around by her father when she was a toddler, up to no good as usual. Sitting at the chess table and being taught how to play dirty with Han as she was a little older. Sneaking on board and planning a tiny joyride with Ben when they were teenagers but being caught before they could take off because they cared more about sharing their first kiss instead of stealing the ship. The familiar sounds of Chewbacca echoed around and she wasn’t sure if it was in her mind or if this was reality. Gingerly, she looked down the hallway and her heart raced as she saw the wookiee and took off into a short sprint to hug the old friend tightly. At first Chewie was ready to fight, and then when he saw who it was, he purred with excitement and returned the hug, unable to believe how much she had grown. They pulled back from the hug, just so happy to have old friends around.

As she pulled back from the hug, she could see Poe peering from behind Chewie, trying to catch her eyes as she tried desperately to avoid his. She knew that she had accepted his blanket, and that before they boarded the Falcon that she was starting to see that fire burning in him that made her love him, but she couldn’t forgive him yet, she just wasn’t ready. While she wished she could catch up and talk about old times with Chewie, she didn’t want to be around Poe and so she excused herself, knowing she could find something else to occupy her time and that she could also catch up with him at another time. She continued her solo tour of the ship, letting the memories flood in and fill her with the joy that she needed, oblivious to the fact Chewie had abruptly stopped Poe from chasing after her, even he knew that she needed space right now. 

From her short walk, she had found herself in the engineering bay and a sad smile crept onto her lips and her heart sunk ever so slightly. Her hand rested on the door frame before she walked in and sat up on one of the crates, her feet not touching the floor as she started to swing them and look at her surroundings. Being on this ship just brought back her inner child; the one that enjoyed hearing stories and just wanted to lay around and talk about the stars and the legends of the galaxy. She couldn’t remember how many times she’d asked to hear the stories from Endor, or how they destroyed the Death Star, or a star battle between X-Wings and TIE Fighters, but it had been enough to remember them by heart. Maybe if she did have a mother present, this would all be different, but the only people she had in her life as she grew up were Rebel heroes, so what else was she going to do with her energy. Her shoulder bag laid in her lap and the sad smile finally turned to a small joyful one.

“Hello!” a voice chimed from the doorway.  
It caught her off guard and she almost jumped, looking up she saw the young girl, someone who reminded her of herself so much. “Hey,” she said a little confused. Was this real or was this another ghost of a memory.  
“I’m Rey,” she stepped further into the room.  
“Anna,” she smiled weakly.  
“I know,” she caught herself, “the others told me who you were, while you slept. Wait, that still sounds creepy. Uh-”  
“It’s okay, I get what you mean,” even though she was still a little cautious. “Do you know where we’re headed?”  
“Ajan Kloss, it’s an ol-”  
“I know it,” that knot returned to her stomach. “I mean, I know of it, I know what it was,” she tried to cover herself.  
“Oh?” she asked curiously.  
“It’s a place that Jedis would train, near Alderaan,” she didn’t really wanna talk about it.  
“Do you know a lot about Jedi lore?” she stepped closer.  
“A bit here and there, not a whole lot. I was told a lot of stories as a kid,” her sad smile returning.  
“By your father?” she tried to suppress the excitement.  
It clicked in her head. “You know exactly who I am, don’t you?” a little smirk appearing.  
“I’m sorry, your brother told me you didn’t like talking about things and honestly, he’s a bit scary. It’s just… you were one of the greatest pilots in Resistance history…”  
“Were is the operative word in that sentence. It’s behind me now,” she looked away from Rey.  
“Sorry, I should have just stayed quiet, I’ll ge-”  
“No, it’s fine, honestly, tales of heroes are important, they’re the thing that keep the hope alive. If one person hears the stories that help them to fight, then it’s worth it,” she looked back up with a smile.  
“I remember hearing about the Second Squadron when I was younger and all I wanted to do was fly for the Resistance.”  
Anna chuckled. “I can see why, we dominated when we were all together,” smiling for the first time as she spoke about them.  
“Was the story true about their deaths?” she asked sullenly.  
“I don’t know if the story was told right, but it was the only mission I ever missed and it was the only time we suffer fatalities. No one made it back,” she lied, not wanting to talk about her lost love.  
“Is that why you stopped flying?” She internally berated herself. “Sorry, don’t answer that.”  
“It’s fine, but yeah, that and my father’s health was deteriorating, so I decided I wanted to stay with him as well.”  
“Have you wanted to fly again?”  
“I hadn’t, but recently… I mean, I may have to, we’ll see,” she looked around the bay, smiling at the engine she had once helped repair while Han took her on a secret mission.  
Rey went to ask her something, but stopped herself, realising she had already asked too many questions.  
“Spit it out, what do you wanna know?” she asked with another little smirk.  
“Did you know Ben?”  
A lump formed in her throat.  
“I’m sorry, it’s okay, it’s none of my business.”  
“I did. But I can’t… maybe one day, but not yet,” she choked out.  
“I understand,” she nodded with a warm smile.

Anna suddenly felt exhausted again and didn’t really know what else to say in this moment, but it didn’t matter, Rey didn’t seem to mind the silence. She hopped up on the crate next to her and the two of them simply sat together, not having to talk and not really having to deal with anything else. It was comfortable like there was something calming about her, though it may have just been because of her tranquil Jedi demeanour. Some time had passed and Anna slowly reached into her bag and started to share the memories of her father, the stories he would tell her while she showed Rey all of the holographs she had of her father, the ones of the two of them together and one that he had treasured of him and his squadron which had included Luke. The stories of the war never glorified the combat or the violence, but the spirit of heroes, the hope that drove the entire rebellion, the one thing that they had over the enemy that would help them succeed in this whole mess.

While her father had been alive, she used to tell these stories to any of the children they would come across on their missions, spreading the words of the Resistance and trying to create the legends that kids could believe in as they grew up. Sometimes she would tell stories of her team, never letting them know that the woman who shot down three TIE Fighters with only two shots was the woman that was behind her trying desperately to get into a packet of snacks or that the man who outran the First Order, barely escaping and returning to the base with an entirely burnt out engine was the man currently struggling with a button on his shirt. Then her team would in turn tell stories about her and how she once escaped her crashing X-Wing to take over the piloting of a TIE Fighter all while she stood swearing at her craft. And for the first time since he died, she was able to tell these stories with ease, the joy actually bursting from her heart.

The two of them got lost in stories, not realising how long they had been there for but not really caring. Rey simply enjoyed hearing the tales, smiling and reacting a lot like the children of the galaxy reacted while she told them many times before and Anna was lost in the feeling. It had been a long time, but speaking about the people she loved and flew with had always been hard, unable to even utter their names sometimes and yet now she could talk about all of their exploits. There had been a shift in the way she was looking at everything around her and once they landed on a new planet maybe she would get to feel that sun on her cheeks and she could breathe in the cool forest air.

“Anna?” Poe called from down the hall.  
She didn’t answer.  
“Rodgas,” he called out. “Where is she hiding?” he mumbled to himself.  
Rey jumped off the crate and peered through the doorway and looked at Poe. “What’s going on?” she asked, running the interference that Dax had requested.  
“I need our head mechanic, we’re not sure she’s gonna make it.”  
Anna sighed heavily and appeared from behind Rey. “What have you done to the ship, Dameron?”  
His cheeks flushed and he started to look flustered, wishing he could kiss her but knowing he would probably get a slap from about five different people. “We seem to be losing power and no one knows why.”  
“Outta the way flyboy,” she pushed passed him and walked towards the cockpit.  
Poe waited for a moment, trying to regain his composure and swallowed hard when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Rey whispered before patting him on the back and moving off.  
“Nothing stupid, be smart,” he muttered to himself before walking towards the cockpit.

He stood in the doorway, listening to Anna and Chewie exchanging information about what was currently happening with the ship and he watched her as she ducked under the console and started to check and cursing loudly to herself. He folded his arms across his chest and smiled to himself, he couldn’t stop himself. The smile quickly disappeared as he saw the stern look from Chewie, coughing lightly and straightening himself out so he would stop looking at her with such a dreamy smile. She appeared back out from under the console and mumbled to herself as she started to stomp through the halls, stopping suddenly and then going under the grate. With a nimble hand, she reached in and pulled something out without even looking and then cleaned it and placed it back. The engine whirred back to full power and Poe simply watched as his mouth fell agape; she was an absolute marvel. She put the grate back, stood up and looked over her shoulder at him and of course couldn’t resist shooting him a smirk before walking off.

Before she could disappear from his sight, he started to walk after her but before he could catch up with her, Dax appeared from the shadows and stood in front of him. That was a sure fire sign that he needed to go back to the cockpit and get them to their destination no matter how much he wanted to chase after her. He sighed heavily, making sure to shoot Dax a quick look of disagreement and then moved away. Dax looked over his shoulder and watched as Anna moved back to the main area of the craft, seeing that Finn and Rey were now engaged in conversation and exchanged a smile with them before spotting Rose and sat down next to her.

“Feeling rested?” Rose quipped with a cheeky smile.  
“Watch it, I’m still your superior,” Anna grinned. “Yeah, I think that’s the first time I’ve properly slept in about a month.”  
“Dax made sure no one interrupted you,” she smiled softly.  
“At least he knows me well enough to know I need my sleep,” she couldn’t believe she had lucked out with her new brother. “How are you feeling?”  
“Like I drove into a skiier,” she joked.  
“Well, that’ll happen when you do the heroic thing,” she smirked. “You’ve got heart, I’ll tell you that.”  
“I just did what I thought was right.”  
“Sometimes that’s the hardest thing to do, I’m proud of you,” she placed a hand on hers.  
She squeezed it tightly. “Thanks.”  
“So, you ready to rebuild this Resistance?”  
“I think so, but I don’t want to be behind a workbench,” she sounded determined, “no offence obviously,” she added quickly.  
“Hey, I would rather have an entire workshop to myself and all of you get out of my way,” she joked. “But I think you’ll have to, we’ll need as many guns as we can.”  
“Do you think I could do it?” she suddenly sounded nervous.  
“Of course you can, look what you did out there on Crait. You’ve got the heart of a fighter and you might not have the technique, but that comes with training, and with help. Look around, there’s people here who will help you.”  
“You really think so?”  
“Not to sound cliché, but I know so.”  
Rose smiled as she looked up at Anna. “So, your brother? Where did he come from?” she asked curiously.  
Anna laughed. “I have no idea. He found me. We share a mother and wanted to find me, and he did.”  
“He’s a determined one.”  
“Definitely,” she chuckled. “His heart is definitely in the right place.”  
“You’re really lucky,” a sadness crept into her voice.  
“I know…” she trailed off and then looked back at Rose. “But I’m also lucky because I have you, and everyone on this ship. We all have each other.”  
Rose nodded and looked up at Anna. “You know you’re the reason I went on that mission?”  
“Wait… what?” her brows furrowed.  
“We fight for each other, that’s what you said to me. We survive, you told me that before I left. We don’t fight for ourselves, we don’t fight for some unknown thing in the galaxy, we fight for the people we hold close to us. It’s what my sister died doing, it’s what all the people before her did. We survive to keep doing that.”  
“Never knew I was good at motivating people,” she smiled sadly.  
“I know we’ve all been through a lot, but for the first time, I felt the hope from you, the absolute desire to want to win this, but not for victory, but for everyone else. I don’t know if it’s because of Poe’s influ-”  
“Probably not,” she interjected quickly even though she knew she was probably right in some ways. “Holdo’s actions reminded me of what we’re here for. When I flew, I flew for my squadron, I flew for the people back on base.”  
“Did something happen between you two?” she asked. She had always seen the two of them close, the hug she caught them in confirmed to her and suddenly she seemed cold.  
“It doesn’t matter, it’s happened now.”  
“Is there anything that I can do, or anyone can do?”  
“The only person who can fix it is him and right now, I don’t want him anywhere near me, so it’ll take a while.”  
“So that’s why Dax nearly punched him earlier,” she chuckled.  
“What did I miss?”  
“Poe wanted to wake you up and approached you, Dax pulled him back and said something to him. Poe seemed to not wanna back down and, well, as lovely as I’m sure he is, Dax is a little bit scary…”  
“That’s because he’s seven foot tall and across,” she joked.  
“I’ve never seen Poe back down from anything, but that, he walked away from.”  
She snorted. She knew why he was really backing down and it wasn’t because he was scared. “We’ll see what happens on the new base,” she smiled softly.  
“Is it weird I’m kind of excited?”  
“Of course not, it’s new and shiny, we get to build a new thing for us to work from and it’ll be ours, we’ll keep what matters close.”  
“And you say you’re not a motivator,” she smirked a little.

Anna shook her head at Rose but part of her was beginning to see that maybe she was taking up that role a little more than she thought she would. After everything that had happened with Holdo, things seemed to start burning inside of her and then hearing Poe swallow his pride to speak her words back to everyone made her realise that this was bigger than all of them. Of course they were the ones that were fighting this on the ground, but there were people that couldn’t fight that they had to fight for. She smiled at Rose softly before the two of them settled into the silence and simply sat for a moment, wondering how much longer it would be until they would finally reach the new base and they could start to prepare for the rebuild to come back stronger than ever. They may have been thin on the ground, but maybe this was going to be their new strength.


	9. First Round, You Rip Me To Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little flashback scene to a simpler time where Snap goes between these two idiots and realises they're probably made for each other or something.

The fleet of X-Wings slowed for their landing into D’Qar and everyone was just happy that they had all made it back safely, but of course it wasn’t all smiles and welcomes. Anna stood at the landing bay, arms folded across her chest as she looked at the black X-Wing, a small smoulder coming from the undercarriage and a missing panel that she would have to fix. She understood that the missions were dangerous and sometimes things happened, but why was it always Dameron’s crafts that ended up so much more damaged than the others? Because he took unnecessary risks to be the big shot hero to keep his reputation of the best pilot in the Resistance. She barked orders at the others and then flagged Poe down, getting him to do the familiar thing of driving it slowly into the workshop.

As Poe got out of his X-Wing, he started to take off his helmet and flash her a smile, but she had already turned her back on him and was walking towards the other busy mechanics who were checking over the rest of the fleet. Everyone seemed to have everything else under control which meant she would have to try and confront him. She didn’t want to but the footsteps behind her told her that he wasn’t going to go away as easily as she had hoped he would. Maybe he’d give up soon, but that was evidently not the case as he finally reached out and grabbed her shoulder, turning her so she would face him.

“You already mad at me?” he flashed that signature cheeky grin.  
“Dameron, look at your X-Wing and then think real hard about the answer.”  
“It’s not that bad…” his statement was punctuated by a sudden pop coming from the underside of it.  
“Sure, and I’m a Jedi,” she glared at him.  
He gasped dramatically. “Really? And you’ve told me? I am so honoured,” he continued to grin.  
“I know you think this is all about the excitement of flying, but your actions have consequences, you need to grow up at some point.”  
“Where’s the fun in that?”  
“It isn’t, but in case you haven’t noticed, there’s a war going on. We need grown ups to fight it.”  
“You know I’m serious once I’m in that craft… We got caught up, I was just looking out for my squadron,” he was suddenly defensive.  
“You can have their back without risking your own life,” she said bluntly.  
“Aw, were you worried about me?” he switched back to his usual tone.  
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t confuse my concern for the mission as concern for you.”  
“C’mon, without me, you’d never have a challenge,” he smirked.  
“And not just with X-Wings,” she muttered.   
“Just admit it, you’d miss me if I wasn’t around,” he looked directly at her with a little smile.  
She was caught off guard for a moment, confusion flashing in her eyes as she looked away from him. “I’d miss what you bring to the Resistance,” she looked up at him, honesty lacing her voice and still hiding the real truth of it.  
“Which means you’d miss me,” he grinned.  
“I don’t have time for this, Dameron.”  
“You can tell me, I’ll keep it to myself, I promise,” he ran a hand through his hair.  
“Just drop it,” she said a little more forcefully than she meant to.  
“We both know there’s something here.”  
“I’ve got work to do,” she said, turning to walk away.  
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. “Rodgas, co-”  
Instinctively, she raised a fist and hit him. “Don’t ever grab me, Dameron,” she sneered.

The entire base had watched as the whole thing escalated, but no one wanted to get involved since it wasn’t really any concern of theirs and yet, they all were enthralled by these two. They waited to see if the two of them would finally embrace, or kiss, or something. Instead they all got to see a punch and as the crack echoed around, they all turned back to their own lives, acting like they hadn’t been watching. Before he could apologise or say anything else, she already pushed passed him and made her way back to the workshop. He was left standing in the middle of the base, nursing a now bleeding lip and looking up to see Snap shooting him that look that made him know he’d gone too far. 

Anna sighed loudly as she sat down on her chair, looking at Poe’s X-Wing, wondering for a moment if she should just pass this off to Jal for the time being so she didn’t have to deal with him. Then again, she took a lot of pride in looking after this craft, making sure that it was at the best it could be, every single modification something she used to prove her skills to herself. Sometimes she gave him a mini-upgrade without him even noticing until he came back and would wonder why it was more powerful or easier to manoeuvre. The gunk in the engine needed to be cleaned out at least and she could do that with her eyes closed and pass it off onto him again without any more input. 

As she breathed in deeply, she tried to clear her head of that stupid flyboy and his perfectly quaffed hair. Why did she have to sit here and think about him and the way that he would smile when she continually told him what an idiot he was? Before she knew it, she was humming quietly to herself as she began to unbolt one of the panels, a smile beginning to creep onto her lips. She was so involved with the task at hand that she was oblivious to the person coming into the workshop to have a quick word with her.

Snap was making his way into the workshop and was thinking that he needed to smooth things over with Anna right now after the small display that had happened. Sometimes her anger was explosive and a little uncalled for, but Poe seemed to enjoy riling her up just a little bit more than was necessary. While he wasn’t the person doing it, he felt he had to apologise on behalf of the Black Squadron leader. He would never consider himself close to Anna because there was simply no one close to her, but he saw himself as someone she could tolerate. There was also the fact of him being there when she had been recovering from her crash despite not being in her squad, but trying his best to help as she stubbornly refused help.

“Hey,” he said gingerly as he approached.  
“Snap?” she asked as she turned in the chair, “hey, what can I do for you?”  
“Ah, not a lot,” he grinned, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Just wanted to apologise for Poe, he can be a little… uh-”  
“Irritating? Hot headed? Unbelievably infuriating?” she snorted.  
“He can be,” he chuckled. “But honestly, he doesn’t mean anything bad with what he said, he thinks he’s charming sometimes.”  
“Shame his charms come across as arrogance,” she rolled her eyes.

He wasn’t sure how to put it and he really didn’t know if he entirely wanted to tell her what was even going on. It wasn’t because he was scared about starting a fight with Anna, but it was partly because of the nervous feeling he would get when he was around her. He didn’t know if it was a crush or if it was just admiration, but right now, every time Poe messed up, he got the chance to spend time with her and if he told her the reason for Poe’s actions, maybe he wouldn’t get to spend as much time with her as he wanted. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment and took his hands out of his pockets to stuff them into the arm holes in his flight vest.

“I guess that just comes with the territory,” he joked.  
“You’re just a good of a pilot as he is and you’re not a typical flyboy,” she smiled softly.  
“Just try to stay humble,” he blushed ever so slightly.  
“You’re a good guy, Snap, that’s why,” she walked over to the workbench and picked up a tool, “mind mucking in and helping a gal out?” she offered a cheeky grin.  
“Of course not,” he said, pushing up his sleeves. “What do you need?”

Almost with ease, like the two of them had been a team for years, they started to work together as she ordered him around the ship and got him to hold onto a panel as she struggled with one of the problematic screws. Any other person would have probably offered to take over but he wouldn’t belittle her like that, knowing if she felt she couldn’t do it, she would ask for help. He wished that sometimes Poe would listen to him, that the more he pushed, the more she would push back and neither of them would get what they wanted. Despite how much he could see that they were probably perfect for each other, he also knew that they were both terrible at all of this.

Anna wasn’t sure if Snap was here to actually spend time with her or whether it was because he had been sent here to get information by his commanding officer, but either way, it was a nice change having him around. The two had flown together before, but never in the same squadron, both having respect for each other and both knew the other had a lot going on in their minds and not enough time to think about any of it. He had been someone who helped during her transition to the head mechanic, taking things a little easy on her and making sure people were patient with her. Both of them knew what he did, but neither acknowledged it out loud, but she did hold a soft spot in her heart for him, one that would always consider him a dear friend. A soft smile came to her lips as she tightened the panel back up and they were finished with the X-Wing, then her gaze shifted back to Snap.

“So, were you really here to apologise for the flyboy?” she asked, folding her arms across her chest.  
“You’re still going to be suspicious of me if I say no,” he chuckled.  
“You make a fine point…” she looked at him and then smiled softly. “He can just be…” she trailed off, unable to find the word.  
“Forthright? Forceful? Unforgiving?” he smirked.  
“Yeah, you could say that,” she seemed wistful. “It’s just a lot.”  
“I know, I can ask him to back off a bit, he probably won’t listen, but I can still try.”  
“You don’t have to, it’s fine, honestly,” she forced a smile.  
“He doesn’t get that the friendship stuff is fine, but the flirting is too much for you, and he won’t because he can’t separate the two, especially when it comes to you.”  
“What?”  
“Come on Anna, everyone on the base can see it…”  
“See what? What are you talking about?”  
“You really don’t know?” he was genuinely confused.  
“I have zero idea what you’re talking about,” a worry coming across her face suddenly.  
“He really likes you, he never stops talking about you… He doesn’t get that this isn’t flirting, this is you pushing him away.”  
She seemed dumbfounded.  
“You thought he just enjoyed teasing you for fun?”  
“Well… yeah, that’s just what he does, he annoys everyone and charms his way out of it.”  
“Yes and no, he has a special place in his heart for annoying you it seems,” he tried to joke.  
“Snap, you gotta tell him no.”  
“Do you not like him?”  
Words completely escaped her.  
“Anna?” he approached carefully.  
“What? No. Yes. Wait. I don’t know…” her brain scrambled for a moment. “It’s just… I don’t think I’m ready,” she said sadly.  
“And that’s okay, you lost all the people you loved in one moment, you had to watch Aldo…” he trailed off, realising he was probably making things worse. “It’ll be okay,” he smiled.

She couldn’t hold back as she almost fell into his arms, pulling herself closer to him for a tight hug. All that time in the hospital would never be forgotten between them and it had created a bond that she could trust. Letting people into her heart had become even harder, especially after her dad had died, but Snap seemed to have got in there just before she began to shut down. Her emotions for Poe were confusing and almost sent her into a tailspin, realising the reason she constantly exploded at him was because she was pushing him away. Most of the time it had just been fleeting thoughts that she could just abandon once they were too much, but now she had knowledge that he was falling for her and now she had to think about how she was going to have to let him in or let him down.

“I gotta say, I never wanna be on the end of your right hook,” he joked as he held her close.  
She snorted as she pulled back from the hug. “I guess it should be me apologising to him really.”  
“Not at all, he over stepped, if someone’s walking away from you, you leave it… He pushed it.”  
“But I didn’t have to hit him…”  
“Is there any other way he would have left you alone? The answer is no by the way.”  
“I guess…”  
“Plus, if you didn’t do it, someone else would probably do it at some point,” he grinned.  
“Maybe,” a small hint of a smile returning to her lips.  
“Between you and me, I think you’re the only one with guts enough to knock him down a few pegs,” he smirked.  
“Looks like I’ve done everyone a favour then,” she tried to joke, but the guilt still sat in her stomach.  
He could tell it was still eating at her. “It’s fine, he’ll forget about it in an hour and go back to annoying you,” he tried to joke to lighten the mood.  
“Maybe I’ll go hide in an empty droid shell for the rest of the war…”  
“It’s alright, I’ll talk to him, it can’t hurt.”  
“You don’t have to.”  
“No, but I will, hopefully it’ll get through his head at some point.”  
“Good luck, that thick skull is next to impenetrable.”  
“I’ve got through the First Order, I think I can get through to him,” he smirked softly.  
“If anyone can do it, it’s definitely you,” she smiled.

Snap never liked to outstay his welcome and thought that this might be his best moment to take his leave. He gave her a small smile as he told her he’d see her later and as he left, he felt a soft pat on his back and then watched as she returned to working on the last parts of the X-Wing she had to put back together. Now, he had to go and find Poe and see if his ego had taken as much of a blow as his face had. He made his way towards the sleeping quarters, guessing that’s where he would be to lick his wounds as he continued to wonder what he had done wrong. Part of him didn’t want to talk to Poe and let him sweat it out, but he guessed he had to do something.

Poe’s lip had stopped bleeding, but it still stung, wondering what had been the one thing that made her finally lash out. He nursed his face as he sat on the edge of his bed, wishing for one moment he could see into her mind. Sometimes she was totally fine with the flirting and it wouldn’t end this way, but other times, this was it and he just wanted a signal for when he was over stepping. With a small sigh, he looked up as he heard the footsteps, hoping it was her but knowing it wasn’t from the sound, it was just Snap.

Snap had a strained smile on his face and that could only mean that the apology hadn’t gone the way that he wanted it to. He didn’t want to talk about and made sure to make a show about it, huffing loudly and laying back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling like a man who had the weight of the entire galaxy on his shoulders. Even though he was a grown man, he sometimes acted like a toddler when he didn’t get his way, folding his arms and pouting until things went right. The bed shifted slightly as Snap sat on a spare spot, slapping Poe on the leg to try and get him to sit up to no avail.

“She doesn’t hate you,” he finally said, looking at him sternly.  
“Look at my lip and tell me that again…”  
“You did grab her without warning, what did you expect?”  
“I guess…” he sounded so defeated.  
“You just need to take it a little easier with her, don’t be so full on all of the time.”  
“But I can’t help myself around her, she’s just…” he sighed, thinking about that intoxicating smile.  
“You got it bad,” he chuckled.  
“She does something to me I can’t explain.”  
“I think that’s what they call love.”  
“Maybe.”  
“No maybe about it, you follow her around like a little lost porg.”  
“I just don’t wanna miss out on the way she smiles when she’s working on something, the way she figures it out and it falls into place for her like she’s solved everything,” his lips turning up slightly again.  
“Yup, that’s what they call love.”  
“How can you be so sure?” he asked, finally sitting up and looking at him.  
“When you lay down, before you fall asleep, what do you think about?”  
“Her smile, the way her hands glide over a craft and she instantly knows what’s wrong,” he ran a hand through his hair.  
“Love.”  
“But…” he tried to defend himself but couldn’t find the words.  
“What do you think about on the way back from a mission?”  
“Getting to see her ag- oh… yeah... this is love, isn’t it?” the whole thing finally clicking into place as he looked at Snap.  
“Yup,” he couldn’t resist the knowing smirk in return.  
“So what do I do?” he asked, looking at him with desperation.  
“It doesn’t matter what I say, you won’t listen to me…”  
“I will, you seem to know her better than I do.”  
“Oh, so now you’ll take my advice,” he sniped. “Before you got here, she went through a lot, she’s just not ready to be in love yet. So just… be a friend to her. Stop trashing X-Wings just to get her attention. Stop flirting with her, treat her like any other person around the base that you like being around.”

Poe waited for a while before making the decision to go and apologise in person. It might not have been the best idea if she wasn’t entirely calmed down just yet, but he still had to try and make amends for his stupidity while trying not to anger her. He waited in the doorway of the workshop, watching her for a moment as she cleaned her hands on a rag, smiling as she talked with one of the other mechanics. She was close to him, holding his elbow and pursing her lips and a jolt of jealousy coursed through him that he couldn’t quite control, wishing he didn’t feel like such a teenager. Was she flirting with that guy or was he just seeing something that wasn’t there because he was so struck with Anna? Either way, he sighed with relief as he saw them walking away and now Anna was alone.

He didn’t make his presence known straight away, watching her for a moment as she returned to her workbench and began to work on a few parts here and there. It was the only time that she seemed to stay still as she tinkered away and concentrated with that adorable little stare as her brow furrowed and her lips pursed. Maybe one day this could be the thing that he would come home to every day and they could build this life together, but first he had to try and stop making her so angry she would throw a punch. He wasn’t entirely sure when he should make her aware that he was there, but he could feel himself finding it harder to stay quiet.

“Uh… hey,” he said a little unsure.  
Anna looked up a little started. “Dameron, what you doing here?”  
“I… uh,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “I just wanted to say sorry for earlier.”  
“I’m assuming Snap put you up to this,” she smirked softly.  
“Not entirely, but he did point out that I grabbed you without warning, and that was kinda dumb of me.”  
“I’m sorry? Could you say that again? Dameron admitting he did something dumb, this really is a monumental day,” she finally put the part down, shifting her full attention to him.  
“Yeah, yeah, I get it, drink it in, I’m admitting to a mistake.”  
“Never thought I’d see the day,” she couldn’t stop the smirk playing on her lips as her folded her arms across her chest. “I did get you pretty good though,” she chewed on her lip, a little embarrassed.  
“I never want to get punched by you ever again,” he chuckled.  
“Well, don’t go around grabbed me when I’m walking away.”  
“Lesson learned.”  
“But uh…” she wheeled her chair a little closer to him, “I didn’t mean it, you know? It was just a gut instinct.”  
“It’s fine, gives me a bit more of an edge now,” he winked.  
She rolled her eyes. “Maybe less of one when they find out it came from me.”  
“I’m not gonna tell them that, need to keep the mystery,” he smirked.  
“And the embarrassment away,” she smirked right back.  
“Although, maybe I would get kudos for riling up the head mechanic enough to get her to punch me in the face.”  
“Like you’re the only man I’ve ever punched,” she snorted.  
“Oh, I’m not your first?”  
“Don’t be so full of yourself, flyboy,” she pursed her lips. Then she caught herself and pushed her chair away, just a little. “And yes, I’ve fixed your X-Wing.”  
“I would never expect anything less from you,” he smiled softly.

He could feel her already trying to push away and so he knew that this was the moment that he would have to tread carefully, so instead of the usual brash flirting he was usually inclined to do, this time, he took it easy and broke into a conversation about the X-Wing and how much smoother it seemed to be flying in the recent weeks and she confessed that she had given it a bit more a tune than the others. It was the small things that always seemed to keep him wanting more from her, just knowing that she had done this for him made him wish that he could kiss her as a thank you, but he didn’t much want a black eye to match his fat lip. Instead, he would smile brightly and thank her, changing the subject so he could simply just spend time with her.

While they were in this workshop, it was like the galaxy outside wasn’t falling apart and they were the only two people left, no war was going on and they didn’t have to worry about rushing off to another mission. They sat around and chatted about almost nothing at all, it was something that they both needed to just remind themselves that there was a life to be lived when they weren’t Resistance fighters. They lost themselves in conversation and time just seemed to sail by as they were able to savour the time together. She almost found herself opening up to him and feeling like she could be herself around him, but she caught herself before she opened up too much. There was something about being around him that made her feel like she could live once more, but she didn’t know if she was ever going to be ready for that.

She couldn’t resist a smile with a nonchalant shrug as he told her that she was the best mechanic around and that he really did trust her with his life. It probably wasn’t hyperbole and she knew that she was a pretty decent mechanic, but it still didn’t erase all of the mistakes she had made in the past. She couldn’t sit there and take his praise when she had caused deaths she could have prevented, and so she brushed him off with that shrug. Poe took that as his cue to try and convince her that she was a great mechanic, letting maybe a few additional compliments slip while trying to make her see the beautiful person she really was. Most people would probably swoon or at least flirt back a little bit at the compliments, but Anna looked a little uncomfortable, shifting in her chair a little and then just rolling her eyes, recovering the aloofness she was usually great at.

Usually, Poe would have double down on his flirting, but deep down, he was almost as flustered as she was that he had accidentally let a few more compliments slip than he had wanted to, so instead he just groaned dramatically. The two of them had one of their typical stubbornness stand offs and eventually, he just gave in and shook his head. She smirked triumphantly and the two of them continued their conversation like nothing had even happened. He told her a story about a night out that he had of blowing off steam in a cantina and the ridiculous stuff that he got up to and that snowballed into her telling the story of her inebriated state once making her dance on a table occupied by a few bounty hunters who weren’t very impressed with her.

The chatter just didn’t seem to end, like they were trying to fill every moment they had together with something so they didn’t have to be apart, and yet, he still knew that if he broached the subject with her she would simply shut the conversation down and he wasn’t ready to say goodnight just yet. She cast a glance outside and noticed that most people were settling for the night and all the movement around them had completely stopped, not even a droid beeped. Neither of them voiced their disappointment that they would have to give into the human need for sleep for at least a few hours so they could be ready for whatever tomorrow brought, but both acknowledged that it was now getting late. He flashed her a half smile as he made his move to leave for the night.

“Night, Poe,” she smiled and squeezed his shoulder ever so lightly.  
“Night, Anna,” he said smoothly as he touched her elbow softly.

He hovered for a moment as he watched her walking towards her sleeping quarters and chewed his bottom lip softly before turning dramatically and rushing outside so she couldn’t catch him grinning from ear to ear. Rarely did she ever even address him by his first name that it almost knocked him off his feet, only ever getting it out of her when she was open with him or in that truly happy state where nothing was of much consequence. He was taking this as a sign that she was opening up to him, that everything was eventually going to work out just the way that he wanted and from this moment on, maybe it would be a hell of a lot easier to get her to admit that way that she felt about him.


	10. Take Any Fresh Steps Or Watch It All Fall Apart

Time had passed and they were slowly making their new base, people taking up new roles and doing whatever they needed to make sure everything was covered. Dax had started to train people in combat skills, helping with hand to hand combat and also long ranged attacks. People were surprised that he was so good at this, but at the same time, absolutely knew to expect him being a skilled fighter. People who had never thought about taking up weapons were now training hard so they could take part in any battles they needed to. Anna had taken up one of the buildings and changed it around a fair bit to turn it into a decent workshop for her and Jal to work out of. The main difference between this workshop and the one she had on D’Qar was that the sleeping quarters was just a pile of bedding in a corner, absolutely no privacy. Not that it really mattered to Anna, it meant she had to just roll out of bed and could instantly start working, and the fact that she would have a lot of days alone while Jal trained, she didn’t even have to consider decency half the time.

A small scout ship landed back onto the surface of the moon and Anna almost sighed with relief as she saw that there wasn’t anything outwardly wrong with the craft, completely ignoring the already audible shouting coming from the craft. Everyone had become accustom to noise of Dax and Poe engaged in a disagreement of some kind and she started to realise how people had felt when she would be having these fights with Poe. It didn’t matter either way, she didn’t want to get involved in the shouting, hearing Dax complaining about Poe’s pointless heroics when they didn’t need to do any of this, they just had to stay under the radar. Poe shrugged him off in that brash way he did when he didn’t want to admit that he was in the wrong. She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and she drew closer to the craft, checking the exterior to double check there was no damage that could cause issues. Without warning, Dax grabbed his sister into a tight hug.

“I didn’t think I would ever live to see you again,” he joked dramatically.  
“My flying is not that bad,” Poe actually sounded offended.  
“Any issues with the craft?” she asked, removing one of the panels.  
“Flew like a dream,” Poe smiled, looking at Anna, waiting for her to look at him.  
“And you got the part?” she still wouldn’t look at him.  
Dax presented to part from his pocket. “We sure did,” he smiled smugly.

Without a word, Anna kissed Dax on the cheek, took the part, and then disappeared into the workshop to start trying to repair an old X-Wing, one that had been abandoned and probably should have stayed under the moss, but she couldn’t do that. The two men watched as she started to work, back to being oblivious they were even there and couldn’t help but share a little chuckle. Over the last few months, their relationship had become more and more strange as they really got to know each other. Dax respected that Poe was a good pilot and someone who tried to do the right thing but he was still too much of a liability. That was what frustrated him most because he could see the flyboy being something more, but right now, he was far too impulsive to ever better himself. On the other side of the relationship, Poe really enjoyed being around the big goofball, the two of them enjoying joking around and spending a lot of time one upping each other on their crazy stories. The only thing that created tension between them, apart from the missions sometimes, was if Anna was ever brought up in conversation. The minute he tried to ask about her, Dax would become cold and almost terrifying while he threatened him.

“Is she doing okay?” he asked, watching his feet kick at the dirt beneath him.  
“Why wouldn’t she be? She has a workshop all to herself, she has all the people she cares about around her, and she’s got another piece of her X-Wing,” he smiled as he watched her from a distance.  
“Do you think she needs any help?” he started to walk towards the workshop.  
“No, she’s got this,” he placed a firm hand on his shoulder, gripping him tightly.  
“Yup, yeah, you’re right,” he tried not to sound like he was in pain as he backed off from the workshop.  
“Stop pushing this, I don’t want to start removing your fingers, but I will if you don’t back off,” he glared at him.  
“I just want to hold her again…”  
“You really don’t get it, do you?”  
“What?”  
“You’re at fault here, you’re the one who messed up. You don’t get to say that you want to hold her and it all goes back to the way it was. You’re not allowed to just get what you want in this situation. You broke her heart.”  
“But I didn’t mean to.”  
“Doesn’t matter, your actions, your stupid, idiotic actions caused damage. Damage that she has to fix, but she can only fix it when she’s alone and doesn’t have to deal with whatever grand gesture you have planned next.”  
“But I have to show her that-”  
“You don’t have to show her anything, she’s never going to forget the love you two shared, but every time you appear unannounced, you make her feel like she’s being backed into a corner. The more you push, the more she shuts down.”  
“I’m going insane seeing her every day and not being able to hold her.”  
“Then you shouldn’t have used her,” his voice flashed with anger.  
“I didn’t mea-”  
“I’ve heard this before, you didn’t mean to, you wish you could take it back, wah, wah,” he snapped, grabbing him by the collar. “Let her recover in her own time,” a nice sentiment that somehow sounded like a threat.

Dax knew he needed to go blow off steam before he ended up punching Poe directly in the face and so shoved him away and then made his way to the training field he had perfected, a place where they could train for fitness and hand to hand combat. In one swift motion, he unholstered his blaster and fired it at one of the far off targets, not even having to look at it. He sighed with a small amount of relief, feeling somewhat better but knowing that wasn’t going to be enough to work through all of this. He placed the blaster back into his holster and slipped his jacket off, taking up a stance and beginning to punch at the dummies he had set up for the people who wanted to learn to fight. At least when he was here, he couldn’t start lashing out at the people around him and no matter how much he wanted to hit the pilot, he knew that if he did, it would just create more conflict and confusion for Anna and he didn’t want to do that to her.

No matter where he was, he was always someone who reacted first and asked questions later and hearing a rustle through the leaves meant that he instinctively drew his blaster once more and held it towards the sound, waiting for someone or something to appear. Rose emerged, her hands in the air with a smile, already accustom to this behaviour around the mystery man and playing along with it. She had taken almost everything in her stride and just didn’t let anything stop her and that was something that Dax admired a lot. Maybe he had a tiny soft spot for her, but he wasn’t going to openly admit that to anyone right now, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to say anything outwardly to make her think he felt that way for her. He put his weapon down and smiled sheepishly, holstering it and then leaning on the dummy, wondering what she was doing here.

“I just… uh- I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I overheard you and Poe…” she trailed off, pretty sure they were still arguing about the only thing they ever argued about, but didn’t really want to discuss it with him if he didn’t want to talk about it.  
“The eternal argument of trying to get a stubborn man to leave a stubborn woman alone,” he snorted, setting himself down on one of the logs.  
“You would think he would get it by now…”  
“Poe? Never, he’s pigheaded. Someone could tell him that they had the answer to all of this, that if followed the close instructions, they would one hundred percent get back together and he would still think he knew better,” he rolled his eyes.  
“But are you okay?” she asked more directly.  
“I will be…” he smiled sadly. “I just don’t want her to be hurt again…”  
“Of course you don’t, she’s your sister and we all know you’ve got a big soft heart under all this,” she grinned.  
“I would say keep it a secret, but you all know it by now, my bad reputation is ruined now,” he chuckled.  
“Surely this reputation is better,” she smiled softly.  
“I suppose it depends how I see my future. If I wanna go back to the seedy side of the galaxy, it’s definitely a no,” he grinned. “But if the plan is to have friends and maybe a family after all of this, then yeah, I think I like this reputation more,” he got lost in her eyes for just a moment.  
“I think I do too,” she said with a little smile.

Moments like this were becoming more and more frequent between these two as they started to grow closer. Dax wasn’t sure if these were real feelings or whether it was just simply because they were being forced together in this way. Either way, it didn’t matter all that much since he enjoyed the way that he felt when he was around her. He didn’t need to be tough or show off his skills to impress her and keep her around him, all he had to do is smile and she would smile right back and the two of them would just sit in that moment and nothing else would matter. He wasn’t going to push it, and he wasn’t going to force it, he would let her make the choices and for now he would just watch her as the smile danced on his lips. She looked away with a little shyness, feeling herself flushing red before she could stop herself, wondering if he could feel this as well.

Since the battle on Crait, her confidence had continued to grow and most of that was in part due to Dax and the way he helped her to train and that he always encouraged her, never telling her she was doing something wrong. She chewed at the inside of her cheek, trying to decide between taking a chance or leaving things the way they were. She had to be brave. As she looked back up at him, she heard the answer in her mind as clearly as possible and leant forward and placed the tiniest of kisses on his lip. He was caught off guard, but it was a pleasant surprise, something that brought a smile to his lips and he wanted to lean in for another kiss when there were suddenly footsteps and a call from Jal for a hand with something in the workshop. The two of them didn’t want things to look obvious but they didn’t want to walk away from each other right now, except it’s all they could do. Dax grabbed his jacket and waited for Jal to turn and make his way to the workshop before he quickly kissed Rose on the forehead with a smile and then he was gone.

The X-Wing was going to fly again, she was going to make sure of it. Sure, she should have been working on something else that was more important, probably making sure that other crafts were all ready for the next mission and yet she just wanted to look after this X-Wing. She didn’t need to fix it, they had enough crafts around the base from acquiring them and minimal fixing. This was a hard job that didn’t need to be done, it should be scrapped for parts and everyone could go about their day without hearing the cursing and the sudden moments of her ordering a new part from her brother. Everyone told him to stop indulging her on this, but he knew she needed a good project, something to keep her from having to think or deal with some of the things around her. She’d just sent Jal to go and get Dax, needing three pairs of hands and probably more strength than the three of them had anyway, but they would give this a shot.

Footsteps echoed through the workshop and she didn’t even look up from under the panel she was in, ordering them to head around the back of the craft and pull on something. With a little jiggle of one of the plugs, the craft burst into life, quickly followed by nothing at all. She groaned loudly as she leant against the side, staring into the panel for a moment before she finally looked up and saw that those footsteps belonged to Poe who was stood before her, clutching onto a few pieces of grass and a slight puff of dirt over his shirt and jacket. Any other time and she would have stormed off, telling him that she wasn’t in the mood, or that she just needed more time, but for once, she reacted by clutching her chest and laughing, realising that as he had walked passed the back of the craft, he’d been hit by the firing up of the engine and whatever he had in his hands had been blown apart and the years of dirt and grease build up spluttered onto his face.

“Nice grass tuft, idiot,” she snorted, finally able to stop laughing.  
“I was trying… it was a grand gesture, I wanted to give you flowers,” he said with a twinge of sadness.  
“Flowers die, Dameron, especially when you pick them,” she was blunt.  
“Oh… yeah,” was he ever going to do anything right? “Do you need any help?” he asked, leaving the stalks of the flowers on the workbench.  
“Jal and Dax are on their way over, I should be alright,” she was dismissive.  
“Oh… right,” he was like a sad puppy.  
She finally looked at him and caught his eyes. Had she let him suffer enough yet? Her face softened ever so softly. “Maybe uh,” she wiped away some of the dirt from his face, “come by later,” she said looking away from him again.  
“Yeah, sure,” he was suddenly filled with optimism.  
“Finally found him,” Jal announced as he walked into the workshop with Dax behind him, stopping as he spotted Poe.  
“I’ll uh-” he coughed, changing back to professional mode, “I’ll get out of your hair,” he said, quickly excusing himself and making his way out.  
“What did he want?” Dax snipped as he approached her.  
“Just wanted to see the progress, wondered why I was wasting my time on this,” she lied coolly.  
He saw the stems and stalks and his suspicious prickled. “Right,” he didn’t buy the lie at all. “So what you need me for?” he changed the subject, knowing she wouldn’t talk about it no matter how hard he tried.

She wiped her hands on her overalls before pulling the sleeves up and sliding the zip up to protect her undershirt. A gear shifted and she started giving orders to her two helpers and trying to get things in working order. There was no denying that she was a completely different person when she was working, just focused on getting the task done and the world around her disappeared. Neither of them protested, even when she was scolding them for unplugging things at the wrong time or not using enough force because they didn’t know how much abuse a craft like this could actually take. The work they were doing wouldn’t even be the last thing to be done, this was maybe the third thing on a list of about a hundred, but neither of them dared to point that out to her.

This craft seemed to mean so much to her and no one really knew why and she didn’t think anyone would really understand it. Everyone knew she had a fondness for the X-Wing, it was the craft she knew absolutely inside and out, known to be one of the few pilots who could repair it while she was on a mission and legend had it she could do it in mid-flight as well, but that was unconfirmed. But this particular craft seemingly had called to her and she didn’t know why, the only thing she could say was that she wanted to see it in the skies again and once she had put her mind to something, no one was going to get in her way to stop it. That was probably why no one had stepped up to try and stop her and since Leia had no objections to it, no one else could find a reason to tell her to stop.

A few hours had passed and it was clear that everyone was beginning to grow tired and even Anna was flagging slightly, agreeing that maybe it was time they had a break from it and picked up the work tomorrow. They all paused and then finally perched themselves upon whatever surfaces they could, breathing and savouring the rest. Neither of them wanted to ask about it, but both of them wanted her to bring it up so they could find out what Poe had really been in the workshop to do. Jal and Dax shared a look, both trying to get the other one to bring it up, but neither of them wanting to be on the end of her quick thinking and seeming ease at lying to them. Dax decided he would finally do it, looking up at her and catching her in a dreamy look towards those remains of what he assumed had been flowers, he knew it.

“Gift from Dameron?” he quipped, looking at her with a look of vague disappointment.  
She snapped out of her absent-minded staring and looked at him. “What?” her tone pointed.  
“He brought you flowers?” he already knew the answer but wanted to hear it from her.  
“So what if he did?” she folded her arms across her chest.  
“He’s trying, you gotta give him that,” Jal tried to keep everything light.  
“He doesn’t just get to bring flowers and be forgiven, that’s not how this works.”  
“And I’m not going to. Jal said it, he’s trying, and I want to hear him out, nothing more.”  
“If he tries anything, I’m-”  
“I know, you’ll make sure he can never use his legs ever again,” she flashed Dax a smirk before sitting down next to him. “I know you’re trying to protect me, but I’m a big girl, I can handle the flyboy,” she took his hand.  
“I just… I don’t trust him.”  
“But you trust me, right?”

Dax looked up at her and it suddenly dawned on him that no matter what Poe did, if he continued to hurt her, she wasn’t going to stand for that. Sure, he could keep threatening him and pushing him away from her, but he wasn’t going to listen to him and if she was ever going to forgive that idiot, they needed to at least be in a room together first. He pulled his little sister into a tight hug, feeling like the galaxy’s biggest moron. As they pulled back from the hug, she nudged him playfully and he finally cracked a smile at her, a silent agreement that he trusted her to protect herself when she needed to. They heard a little call from outside the workshop, letting them know that someone had prepared some food if they wanted to join for an entire meal for the camp, Dax and Jal realising that this could be the perfect moment for Anna and Poe to have that conversation and so they excused themselves.

It was always nice to spend time together with all the people around them, everyone together like some huge dysfunctional family that also somehow worked no matter what. Jal couldn’t help but notice as Rose positioned herself next to Dax, something he had noticed was happening more and more over time, not that he could blame either of them, both attractive in completely different ways, but definitely attracted to each other. He settled in his spot, noticing Poe still here and gave him a quick nod to the workshop to let him know that Anna was over there on her own. He smirked softly to himself as he watched him disappear off with two bowls of food in hand and part of him really hoped they would finally figure this out.

Dax couldn’t stop himself from occasionally looking at Rose as she ate, even the way her lips pursed as she took the food off her fork made him want to kiss her again. What was happening to him? Before becoming part of this whole thing, he barely thought that he was even capable of loving and yet the moment that he met Anna, he was filled with all of the love in the galaxy. Now he was truly falling in love with someone, someone that he admired for her strength and kindness, but also her humility and ability to learn from her mistakes. How could someone this delicate and gentle come out of something so brutal? Before she could catch his eye, he looked away, not wanting to make things weird for her, people watching you eat was always a little bit odd. But he couldn’t resist looking back at her as she flashed a smile at him.

The two of them locked eyes and she could feel the flush coming to her cheeks again, but she didn’t look away this time, instead just smiling brighter at him. There was no explanation for how she made his heart burst and she couldn’t really understand why she felt this way for him, but they did and all they could do was enjoy these feelings and keep each other close. Instead of making a move or doing something that would be too forward, he once more let her take the lead in this situation, looking away from her as he felt her hand brush against his leg and looked down to see that she was offering it to him. Smoothly, he slipped his hand into hers as he continued to eat, feeling her squeeze it ever so slightly and hiding his smile behind a bite of his food. It wasn’t that they were scared of people finding out and casting judgement, but there was part of him that just wanted one thing for himself, something that he didn’t have to answer questions about and just be happy that he could hold onto her.

Poe couldn’t hide his nerves as he made his way over to the workshop, excitement and fear bubbling inside of him, not sure if he was about to make all of this better or so much worse. He stopped just short of the door, giving himself a moment to breathe in and look a little less like he was about to throw up and then walked in. His breath hitched ever so slightly as he saw her; her hair up in a messy bun with her overalls tied around her waist again as she worked on a small bit of machinery at her bench. Something about watching her work always just made him feel so content, like this was what he wanted to be around as he grew old and he would do anything to make this dream stay around. He coughed lightly to gain her attention, smiling as she turned around and presenting her with a bowl of food.

“Thought you could use some fuel.”  
“Thanks,” she took it and placed it on the bench, resuming her work.

He blinked slowly, unsure of what he should do next. Was this where he just walked away and let her get on with whatever she wanted to do? Or did he risk pushing time with her a little more? Before he could make his decision, she finally finished up on the piece and turned to him with a warm smile, pulling the tie out of her hair and letting it fall around her shoulders. She pulled a chair from behind her and presented it to him for him to sit down, and he did so. For a few moments, they sat in awkward silence, not sure who should speak first or whether they should just eat in silence first. He noticed that she still had the stems on her workbench and couldn’t stop the smile coming onto his lips.

“So uh…” she wanted to try and find something to say, but just wasn’t sure where to start. “How did the mission go today?” she inwardly kicked herself.  
“Pretty routine, nothing much, we did have a moment we thought would get sticky, but I had it under control,” he was proud of his dumb heroics again.  
“I’m sure you did,” she snorted, unimpressed as usual.  
“How’s it coming along anyway?” he asked, gesturing to the X-Wing.  
“It’s gonna take a lot more parts and probably a little more care, but I think I can do it.”  
“You’re really attached to this one, huh?”  
She took the bowl into her lap, just feeling the warmth from it. “Can’t abandon a perfectly good craft just because it needs a bit more attention than the others.”  
“I guess…” he looked to the craft for a moment, and then back to her.  
She took the spoon from the bowl and took a mouthful. “Uh… thanks for the flowers… well, what was left of them,” she grinned slightly.  
He took that was his cue to eat with her. “Wasn’t expecting an engine blast,” he chuckled. “I just… you know, just wanted to say sorry.”  
“You’re persistent, I’ll give you that,” she smirked.  
“I’m just sorry, and I wish I cou-”  
“Stop, please. No matter how many times you say sorry, it’s not going to change that you still did what you did.”  
“I know, but I just wa-”  
“I don’t wanna talk about it, it’s in the past. We both know why you did it, and nothing will change that. You…” she took a breath. “Let’s just not talk about it, alright?”  
“Yeah, sure, sorry,”  
“And stop saying sorry, please, for what sanity I have left.”  
He laughed. “I’ll try.”

The two of them carried on eating, the two of them just talking and exchanging stories of adventures since they’d been on the new base. Anna mainly had tales of stupid things she’d got up to while exploring, falling in a hunter’s trap and having to radio the base so someone could come and help her out, and Poe mainly stories of all the weird and wonderful people that Dax seemed to be in contact with throughout the galaxy. The two of them were finally able to just have a conversation and nothing else around them mattered, almost like they had been before the whole mess after Jakku. They had always had good conversations about nothing, it was only when he tried to flirt with her or would trash a craft that she used to grow angry with him and start to snap back. Anna hadn’t laughed like this in a long time and she was beginning to remember why she loved having him around and why she had ended up falling in love with him. Without any kind of warning, he leant forward to kiss her and she instantly pushed him away.

“What are you doing?”  
“Kissing you? Wait… is that… did you not want that? Is this not what this is?”  
“No… no you absolute moof milker!” she stood up and walked away from him.  
“I’m sorry, I thought that’s what you wanted.”  
She turned and laughed, almost defeated by his stupidity. “If I wanted to kiss you, I would have kissed you myself, I have the ability to do that, I do have my own mind.”  
“That’s not what I meant… I just thou-”  
“No, that’s just it Dameron, you don’t think, you never think, you rush in and crash around and expect to always come out at the hero. You’re not a hero, you’re a chancer and you’ve just been so damn lucky.”  
“I just miss you…”  
“Good! And at this rate you’re going to miss me for the rest of your life.”  
“But I just want things to go back the way they were.”  
“That’s never going to happen. You…” she took a deep breath to try and calm down just a bit. “What you did on Haddus was reckless, and it was stupid. What you did to me… I thought I could trust you, I thought you cared. What you did proved to me that I was so wrong.”  
“But I do care about you, you can trust me,” he pleaded.  
“What if you disagree with me again, you gonna kiss me to get around me again? You gonna manipulate my feelings so you can do exactly what you want to do?”  
He had no response.  
“Your actions have consequences, and I know that sounds like a foreign concept to you. You broke my heart and it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a bowl of soup and some flowers to make me fall in love with you all over again.”  
“What do I have to do?”  
“Just go,” she turned away from him.  
“Anna, please,” his voice faltered.  
“Get out!” her hand loosely gripped the part she had been working on.  
“Just let me-”  
“I said get out!” she screamed.

The part flew through the air, barely missing his head and crashing on the wall behind him, both of them watching as it shattered into pieces. Her fist clenched tightly and he took that as his moment to leave, quickly slipping out the door and leaving her as her eyes began to fill with tears. Maybe they just weren’t compatible and this was a completely futile endeavour. She collapsed back into the chair and started to sob quietly as she drew a knee up to her chest as she placed her foot on the edge of the chair, knowing that this was the moment she had probably lost him for good. She felt like she had been backed into a corner and she just wasn’t ready to face any of this, but he just had to keep pushing, he couldn’t just leave her alone.

There was a scuffle of footsteps that she couldn’t hear over her own sobs, flinching as she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, pushing them away instinctively until she heard the voice of Jal. He didn’t push, he never grabbed her and hugged her when she wasn’t ready and instead let her come to him as she stood up and took him into a hug. He comforted her cautiously, making sure that he just held her while she sobbed in his chest, flashing her a comforting smile when she pulled away and reassuring her that they would be able to fix the part up to be just as good as it was before she broke it. He didn’t need to know what happened, he didn’t even really want to know, he just wanted to make sure she was okay right now.

The last of her sobs left her body and she pulled up the sleeve of her overalls to wipe her nose and then dab her eyes, breathing deeply to reset herself. After a few moments, Dax appeared in the doorway, looked around and then went to take off, stopped by Jal’s firm grasp of his arm. The only thing he wanted to do was to repeatedly punch Poe until he was spitting out teeth, but that wasn’t going to help anyone in this situation, instead, he knew he had to stay with his sister and probably let Jal talk to Poe. Anna almost fell into her brother’s arms, completely exhausted and he helped lay her down, the two of them bundling up in the bedding together as he held onto her. She tried to relax, she tried to sleep but the sobs wouldn’t stop again, and all she could do was cling to him and hope she would make it through this night.

“Poe,” Jal called after him, trying to catch up with him.  
“Forget it, she’s never going to forgive me,” he kept walking.  
“Poe, jeez,” he caught up with him but was now breathless. “Look…” he panted. “Just… wow, you really have long legs,” he puffed.  
“Jal, now’s not the time, just… leave me alone.”  
“Just… hear me out,” he looked at him seriously.  
“What?”  
“Mind if we go somewhere private?”  
Poe walked ahead towards his bunk house.  
“Sure, I guess I’ll follow,” he muttered to himself.  
“What do you wanna talk about?” he shut the door behind Jal.  
“Oh, just the lovely weather we’ve been having… What do you think I want to talk to you about?”  
“What’s the point? I messed it up completely.”  
“You sure did,” he snorted. “But seriously, this is still salvageable, trust me.”  
“How can you say that?”  
“I’ve known Anna for a very long time, I don’t wanna say I know what she’s thinking, but I know exactly what she’s thinking.”  
Poe snorted as he sat on the edge of his bed, placing his head in his hands. “Sure you do,” he muttered.  
“You know me and Anna didn’t always like each other, it’s been a long road to get to this point, but we made it, and I can give you the secret,” he sat on a chair and dragged it to sit in front of Poe.  
“Really?” he looked up, finally interested.  
“Seriously, we used to hate each other. When her dad was head mechanic, I was his apprentice, her job should have been mine, but because of her crash, it was taken away from me. She resented me because I spent more time with her dad than she got to, it was a mess of jealousy and bitterness…”  
“And what has that got to do with me?”  
“I’m getting there… the thing is, all that hatred messed up our emotions and we ended up having this crazy sexually charged thing going on and-”  
“Woah, hang on, you and Anna…?”  
“Yup, we’d start arguing over something ridiculous and end up in bed together. Both of us had a lot of misplaced emotions and didn’t know what to do with them, so that was the end product.”  
“But you two seem so…”  
“Okay with each other? Yeah, because we realised what we were doing was just masking other things. I didn’t push her, or confront her to tell me, but she opened up to me. Because she wanted to. She made that decision.”  
“Why are you telling me this?”  
“I can see how much you care about her, but the more you push her, the more you force her to confront her emotions, the more she pushes back and the more difficult you’re going to make this for both of you.”  
“Were you two still… y’know when me and her…?”  
“Nah, once we both realised we were just ignoring everything else in our lives, we realised what we were doing just wasn’t healthy. Why do you think I’m the only person she never loses her temper with? It’s no coincidence.”  
“So what should I do?” he needed to know.  
“For now, just leave her be. Leave parts for the X-Wing on her bench with nothing else, give her a head nod if you walk pass her, if you need to speak to her about something, keep it just about the job, act as if you’ve never spoken to her before.”  
“But how am I supposed to do that?”  
“Even though you want to kiss her and make her fall in love with you? You have some self control,” he shot him a glare.  
“But then what? I just keep doing that until the end of the war?”  
“The end of the war, the end of time, whatever it takes. When she’s ready, you’ll know and that’s what you have to wait for.”  
“How will I know when she’s ready if I can’t tell her?”  
“She’ll tell you first, I really didn’t think this would be so hard to explain…” he sighed softly. “You have to let her hold your hand first, you have to let her kiss you first, you can’t keep pushing your way in because we’ll end up with no useable crafts.”  
“I hope she can fix that,” he sounded guilty.  
“Of course she can, she’s Anna… There’s a reason she became head mechanic and I didn’t,” he grinned.  
“You came around to her having that role then?”  
“Yeah, she deserved it, I was just a kid who thought he was entitled to the role because I was the apprentice.”  
“But there’s a reason she kept you around.”  
“Yeah, it was my rocking bod,” he winked.  
“I won’t tell her you said that,” he chuckled.  
“Good, I think she would actually kill me in my sleep,” he laughed nervously. “While on the subject of keeping things between us, I knew she liked you the minute you landed on that base…”  
“What?” he was dumbfounded.  
“After she lost her squadron, she barely looked up from her work, the day she saw you, I saw a tiny smile she will one hundred percent deny ever happened.”  
A little bit of confidence returned as he ran a hand through his hair. “Really?”  
“Why else do you think she was always so horrible to you? She was pushing you away so you would hate her and she could forget about you.”  
“That backfired in a big way…” he smirked softly.  
“She wasn’t to know that though,” he chuckled. “But it shows you how stubborn she is. She didn’t let you in until she was ready, until she was able to let go of all that baggage from her past relationships.”  
“Did she ever talk to you about them?”  
“Her other relationships, never, I overheard her once talking about someone with her dad, but I left so I didn’t hear too much. It’s not my place to know. If she wants me to know, she’ll tell me.”  
“Was it someone in her squadron?”  
“Ah, you’re not getting anything out of me,” he shook his head.  
He sighed heavily.  
“Honestly, I am rooting for you, but you gotta wait, be patient, just for once in your entire life. I’ll help you as much as I can, but this is just going to take time. That’s all.”

A silence fell over them and Jal decided that was all he could do. He was pretty sure that Poe had this conversation with almost every single person on the base, even sure he heard him talking to Finn about all of this, but no one seemed to really get through to him. Maybe it was pointless, but he was really hoping that this was the time that he started to actually listen and would stop acting like the situation with Anna was the same as one of his missions. He stood up, giving Poe a firm squeeze of the shoulder, letting him know he was entirely serious about all of this, that he really wanted him to know that he was invested in them getting back together for so many reasons, and then he left, making his way to the bunk room he shared with a few of the other people.


	11. You're A Ghost Of My Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist it any longer because I wanted to show what a truly unbroken Anna looks like, so here's a flashback to when she was with her squadron and things seemed like they would be okay for her.

Second Squadron landed on Endor, the X-Wing fleet landing in a neat v formation, the sign of a truly in sync squadron, and they were ready to start their mission. General Organa had sent them to recover some old maps and although some thought that sending all of them was over kill, there was another secret side to this mission that only the Second Squadron knew about. They had received contact from an old ally from the old war who had to go on the run and was now in hiding. They were terrified for their life and had finally found a place to hide on Endor and it was now their true mission to escort them to a safer place to stay. The five pilots got out of their crafts and started to make their way down the path to meet with the ewok leader.

Although Anna was the leader, she was not the diplomat, always someone who would get caught up in her words and make a fool of herself in front of others, so she tended to allow her right hand woman take over the talks. Eliza was someone who could keep her cool under pressure and that was definitely something Anna was never that great at. There was a reason she had picked the people she had around her and it wasn’t just because they were the finest pilots in the Resistance. Letting her go first, Anna held back a little bit, making sure that they weren’t being followed by anyone that wanted to foil this secret mission.

After a short discussion with the ewok leader, they found out that the person they were trying to help was someone who was currently eating the poor ewoks out of house and home while he panicked, unable to gain the courage to leave the planet in fear for his life. Once they were decided that these were true Resistance pilots, they were given access to the political refugee and tried their best to persuade him that he had to leave with them, but his terror of being captured was telling him that he couldn’t leave this planet at all. Before she could tell him that he was an absolute idiot and start to rip into him, Aldo quietly lead her away. One thing that they always knew was when Anna was about to blow and right now, they could tell she was seconds from hitting this guy over the head and kidnapping him to take him to safety.

They settled into a small camp that Syd and Rathe had set up while they had been discussing things with the ewoks. They could already feel Anna seething in the corner as she tried to stay quiet, thinking over everything that was happening and trying to come up with a better plan than the one she was already thinking of. Everyone left her in her little world, knowing that she would come out of it once she was ready, and if she didn’t, they would just have to deal with whatever mood she would be in. After a few moments, she took her action and started making her way from the camp and probably straight towards the person they were trying to protect. The entire squadron turned their gazes towards Aldo who let out a small sigh before going after her, catching up and grabbing her wrist to stop her from getting away from them.

“We can’t kidnap him, you do know that right?” he said with a little grin.  
“Watch me, I’m gonna do it…” she tried not to crack her serious tone.  
“No you’re not, seriously, you need to think about this realistically.”  
“When has that ever been my forte?” she smirked.  
“Never, but this is a bit different, this isn’t blasting our way through the First Order, this is someone who is a politician, used to being treated nicely, not being bundled into a craft and whisked away like a criminal.”  
“He should be, politicians aren’t exactly all innocent.”  
“Alright, with your hatred of politicians aside, we have to treat this guy nicely.”  
“But if he’s not going to budge, what else is there to do. If he outstays his welcome, there’s a chance that he’s going to end up angering the ewoks and that’s never pretty.”  
“But threats of violence aren’t going to help get him out of this camp.”  
“Are you sure? Because I’m definitely going to try it if he doesn’t budge.”  
“Anna, come on, take a moment to really think about this.”

Anna couldn’t bring herself to look at him because she absolutely knew that he was right, and so with a deep sigh, she gave into him and decided not to go after him again. The two of them decided that they would send the other three to collect the maps and perhaps try and speak to the person they were trying to protect. While they were gone, Aldo sat down for a few moments at the camp to try and calm Anna down, yet she was still pacing around the camp as she tried to figure out the best way to attack this situation. He hated seeing her like this. There was only one thing that he knew he could do and that was to stop her from pacing and distract her with something. Without warning, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her to keep her close. She protested with a little whimper, but quickly gave in and snuggled up to him, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

“Are you gonna stop pacing now?”  
“For now, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not on my feet any more,” she smirked cockily.  
“Don’t be so pedantic,” he rolled his eyes. “But you need to relax, we can’t do anything before we can convince him to come with us.”  
“Do we have to? I mean, the kidnap plan is still valid…”  
“Anna, we both know that’s a terrible idea, plus, waiting to see when he’ll come with us means that we at least get a small vacation,” he grinned.  
“Oh? And what do you want to do on this little holiday?” she purred.  
“I don’t know, but right now, it is just the two of us,” he smirked playfully.  
“Why, Lieutenant Weyfel, what ever are you suggesting?” she said in that mischievous tone.  
“Oh, Commander Rodgas, I’m sure you know exactly what I mean.”

It wasn’t uncommon for these two to share a tent, or being caught kissing, but they would never get up to anything when they had a mission to do. However, this seemed like a moment where they didn’t have much work to do, so there wasn’t going to be any harm in taking the time to be close to each other. Anna just wanted to hold onto him at all times and never let him go, but she also knew how unrealistic that was, so she would be content with stealing moments like this as she shifted her position, straddling him as she slipped her arms around his neck, the playful smile dancing on her lips. He pulled her closer with his hands on her hips and eyed her up slowly, taking her in and wondering how lucky he was to have ever found anyone like her.

His fingertips lightly traced along the exposed skin near the base of her spine as her tshirt rode up while she leant forward to place a soft kiss on his jaw line. She always tied the sleeves of her flight suit around her waist once they landed, it was like she was able to work harder when she was dressed that way. It was one of the little things that he noticed that made him fall in love with her just that little bit more every time. She placed another small kiss along his jawline, each one getting closer and closer to his lips until she finally gave him what he wished for. The two of them stopped for a moment, just looking at each other until it hit them how much they’d missed the physical contact and then instantly started kissing again.

Everyone knew that the two of them were together but it was still something that they enjoyed keeping to themselves. While they weren’t worried about being caught and they weren’t trying to keep it secret, they just enjoyed having one thing that was theirs and didn’t belong to the war. It may have been born from it, but it was still theirs as they held to each other. Her lips pressed roughly against his as her hand brushed through his hair, pushing herself as closely against him as she could while his hands moved up her spine. She slowly pushed her tongue into his mouth and he pushed back, both of them almost battling for dominance against the other as they pulled each other closer and closer. Almost breathless, she rest her forehead against his as they broke the kiss with a little smile, wondering if they could get away with staying on Endor for a few days.

“You calmed down a bit now?”  
“No, I still want to punch him and put him on a ship.”  
Aldo sighed dramatically.  
“But I’ve realised it’s not exactly a great plan, so maybe I’ll let Eliza do the talking, me and Rathe can figure out a safe passage while it’s going on so I at least have something to do.”  
“Or you could, you know? Relax a little, take the chance to get a breather.”  
“There’s a war going on Aldo, we don’t have time for breathers, we gotta take every opportunity to win this thing.”  
“We can afford a few days of rest, the rest of the Resistance has got us covered while we’re busy.”  
“You think the First Order take days of rest?”  
“Probably not, but I don’t think they have emotions or a choice to take a break if they wanted.”  
“Maybe…” she was defeated. “I guess a few days won’t make any difference, I could do with the sleep if I’m honest,” she chuckled.  
“You and me both, what I wouldn’t give to not be rudely awakened for once,” he grinned back.  
“What if I was to wake you up with a kiss?”  
“Now, that wouldn’t be rude, that would be the most welcome thing to wake me up in the morning.”  
“I’ll have to keep that in mind then,” she smiled, kissing him softly on the cheek.  
“Oh, my little flygirl, you know you could murder me and it would still be the sweetest moment of my life.”  
“What is it with you and the absolutely ridiculous?” she shook her head at him.  
“Because I want you to know I would fly to the end of the galaxy just to kiss your lips,” he smiled, watching her closely.  
“Luckily, you don’t have to go that far, all you have to do is purse those lips,” she leaned in, her nose nudging against his.   
“Lovebirds!” Eliza cooed as she approached. “If we can show him the path and he approves it, we can escort him off this planet and to the sanctuary.”  
“Right, so we gotta plot him a suitable course then,” Anna said as she looked over her shoulder.  
“That sounds like a hard job, at least two or three days, right?” Aldo teased slightly.  
“Oh at least! Could even take a week,” Eliza said playfully.  
“Come on, we could get it done in a day,” Anna said, finally getting to her feet.  
“No, come on, we deserve a few days here, please,” Eliza looked at her with puppy dog eyes.  
Anna let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine, fine, we’ll stay here and bunk off,” she finally gave in.

With the new maps in their possession and their knowledge of most of the routes around the galaxy, Second Squadron started to plot a few different courses that would grant safe passage to the sanctuary where the politician could hide out the war in safety. As experienced fliers and hard workers, it didn’t really take them that long to have several different routes that they could present to see what would take his fancy and they could get him out of there. But right now, it was time for them to have that tiny breather they were all craving. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to fight this war and do everything they could to stop the First Order, it was more that they were all completely burnt out from back to back missions, never getting the chance to recover from wounds or fatigue before they had to fly out again. Though she pretended it was against her will, Anna was glad to finally relax for more than fifteen seconds.

The ewoks were happy to provide the squadron with some good food to power them through as they continued to pretend to look busy and generally spending their time laying around and recharging. Sleeping in was a luxury she usually couldn’t afford, but today, Anna woke up later than usual, stretching out with a little satisfactory moan and then grinned as she finally felt rested. She started to shift herself, sitting up and trying to decide how long to wait before she left the tent. As she could hear the enjoyment of the rest of her crew, she finally gave in and started to make her move to leave the tent and join the rest of them. She gave Syd a firm squeeze on the arm with a bright smile, looking to the forest scene that was unfolding on the sketchbook. A small squeak escaped as she felt hand squeezing her hips quickly and turned to see that it was Rathe up to his usual high jinks. She hit him playfully and the two of them grinned as they half hugged both still kind of laughing while his arm stayed around her shoulder.

They talked briefly about not much at all, just keeping themselves occupied with each other’s company, sitting on one of the nearby logs as they got comfortable and his arm slipped around her shoulders and she leant slightly on him. Their conversation was only briefly interrupted as Eliza ruffled Rathe’s hair and then placed a soft kiss on Anna’s forehead with a smile and then went back to lazing in the sun as she read from her book. The idle chit-chat resumed as Rathe and Anna wondered what other things they could get up to while on this planet and how long they could realistically stretch this holiday out for. While Anna was reluctant to keep putting off her Resistance duties, she could understand why they wanted to push this as far as they could. They could just pretend that life was normal just for a time and the war wasn’t consuming their entire existence.

Aldo returned to the camp, panting heavily as he slowed down from his run and tried to get his breath back. No one paid him much attention as they carried on with their activities, apart from Anna who couldn’t resist casting a look up to him with a small smile. Rathe nudged her playfully, knowing he was already taking a backseat to Aldo’s shirtless form in the camp right now. She rolled her eyes and pushed him back, perhaps a little harder than she meant to, but either way, he still laughed it off, taking his arm from around her and letting her go. She couldn’t resist another playful poked at Rathe before getting up and making her way over to Aldo, smiling softly and pushing a strand of hair back into his quiff. He went in for a hug and she protested, pushing him away quickly.

“No, you’re sweaty and gross, don’t you dare,” she squealed, fighting him off still.  
“You will accept this hug, you can’t fight it forever,” he teased as he carried on trying to pull her in again.  
“I will break your arm,” she threatened with a grin.  
“I can still hold you with my good arm,” he finally got her into a big sweaty hug.  
“That’s it, you’ll pay for this,” she grinned as she jabbed him in the ribs.  
“Ow, you monster,” he gasped dramatically, taking his arms away from her.  
“Aw, I’m sorry, did I hurt you, poor bub,” she teased, poking him in the chest.  
“You’re going down,” he smirked.

In a flash, Aldo had his arms back around Anna as he picked her up and carried her around the camp, and she protested with a few screeches through her laughs, already unable to act tough and scared like she had tried to. The rest of the camp simply ignored it, carrying on as he ran around in circles with her, chuckling the entire way until he finally stopped, placing her on one of the logs around the camp and smiling down at her. She rolled her eyes at him, giving him a playful shove which he over-reacted to and stumbled to his knees, acting defeated. He placed his hands on her knees, panting and acting like he was about to drop dead. Instead of coming to his aid, she pushed his hands away, causing him to fall onto his back and she grinned as she jumped on top of him, pinning his shoulders to the floor.

“Looks like you’re the one who will perish,” she grinned.  
“Now, now children, play time is over,” Eliza said, barely looking up from her book.  
“Aw, but mum,” Aldo whined playfully.  
“No buts, someone’s going to get hurt,” she played along.  
“Yeah, hopefully Aldo,” Rathe snorted.  
“And you’ll be next,” Anna smirked.  
“I wouldn’t bet on that,” Rathe snorted.  
“Oh yeah?”

Rathe simply responded with a raised eyebrow which Anna saw as her invitation to attack, getting off of Aldo in one quick movement and rushing to Rathe. He got to his feet before she could get to him and ran off, looking over his shoulder with a grin as he saw her chasing him. Of course, he slowed down ever so slightly so she could actually catch up with him and when she did, she jumped onto his back, announcing to everyone that she had caught him and grinning brightly. The entire camp turned their attention to her and applauded with cheers and hollers, Rathe sat down with a massive sigh as Anna stayed on his back, her chin resting on his shoulder as she grinned brightly. She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and finally got off him, nudging him playfully before she announced she was going for a little bit of a rest in her tent.

With a little smirk, Eliza couldn’t help but throw Aldo a spare cloth so he could pat himself down so he was less sweaty to join Anna for her little lie down. He rolled his eyes, but he still did exactly what she expected him to do and made himself a little more presentable for some more alone time with the woman who had stolen his heart. Quietly, he made his way to the tent and poked his head in, smiling as she looked up at him and without a word, he laid down next to her. He slipped his arm around her waist and snuggled up to her, nuzzling at her shoulder while she placed a hand on his cheek, just wanting to feel his skin against hers. Tentatively, she placed a small kiss on the tip of his nose, smiling sweetly as just savoured this moment.

“You know I love you?” Aldo said quietly, ever so slightly nervous.  
“Of course I know that, you fool,” she snorted, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.  
“Thanks for ruining the moment,” he sighed dramatically.  
“Would you expect anything less?” she looked at him seriously.  
“I guess not,” he chuckled. “But seriously… I do.”  
“I know, and I love you too,” she smiled softly.  
“Promise me something.”  
“That sounds ominous, what’s going on in your head?”  
“Just promise me that if anything ever happens to me, you won’t shut down.”  
“Don’t talk like that…”  
“It’s something we have to think about though, we do something filled with danger. I need to know you’ll be okay if something happens to me.”  
“I can’t promise you that, you know I can’t…”  
“I just don’t know if we should keep doing this.”  
“So we’ll deny being happy in this moment because you’re worried about the future?”  
“What if I don’t make it out of this war?”  
“What if neither of us make it out? We should take these moments now while we can have them.”  
“I just want you to be okay…”  
“I won’t be okay if I lose you, of course I won’t because I love you, but I’ll be able to heal. I don’t know how long it’ll take, but I’ll get there.”  
“You better…”  
“And if this war takes my life, I know you’ll be alright, again, not right away, but one day, you’ll be alright, especially since I know you’ll have everyone else.”  
“You do make a valid point,” he finally smiled.  
“And that’s why I’m the Commander around here,” she smirked.  
“Yeah, yeah, alright, show off,” he grinned.  
“We’ll always be alright,” she pulled herself closer to him.  
“Yeah, we will,” he placed a soft kiss on her forehead.


	12. Feel The Scar of Where You Entered

The next few weeks were much of the same as people continued to train and plan the things that they needed to do. Rey and Finn had gone off base to look for someone that they wanted to consult with about the Jedi texts, not sure if he would be willing to help, but making sure that they gave themselves the best chance to bring him on board. Dax and Poe had taken the Falcon along with Chewie to make contact with a few other dealers in parts of the galaxy further away, someone that could help them fix a few more ships they needed to get in the air, but also still trying to get the old X-Wing the parts Anna so desperately was looking for.

Turns out the historian they had found, Beaumont Kin, was a Resistance sympathiser and wanted to do anything he could to help and since he had nothing much left for him on his planet since the First Order had ordered the study of Jedis to cease, he came back to the base with them and was currently helping Rey study the texts that she had taken from Luke. Dax used his connection to the underground to find one of the most sought after parts for the X-Wing and of course the presence of the Resistance turned a few heads which had resulted in intel that there was quite possibly a spy in the First Order that wanted to make contact with them as soon as it was possible. They set up a line of communication that could be whispered back to them in a series of coded messages and messengers and they would be the first to find out when contact was made. Before they could land, Dax handed the part to Poe with a stern look and he knew exactly what it meant.

Everyone was busy apart from Anna. Uncharacteristically, she had laid down in one of the open spaces and just looked at the sky, smiling to herself. It had been a very long time since she just took a moment to appreciate what she was fighting for, what she wished she could do every day, and it was as if she was refilling her belief just by watching the clouds pass overhead. The spot she had picked was oddly calm considering all the running around and fighting that was happening close by, but her mind wasn’t thinking about that. In fact, she wasn’t thinking about anything, just letting her mind drift, random thoughts appearing and then passing her by, true calm coursing through her body. Even the sight of Poe in her mind’s eye didn’t rile her up, simply reminding her that maybe they still had a chance to fix it.

Soft footsteps padded towards her and she barely reacted, almost able to determine who’s they were and not minding that she was about to be joined by the young Jedi. In absolute silence Rey started to take her backpack and staff off her person and put them in a near pile off to the side and then laid beside Anna. No words exchanged between them, but they were happy to just lie together and watch the skies. In a perfect world, everyone would be here, just able to not worry about a thing, but there was that little hiccup of the war happening around them. Anna closed her eyes for a moment, the real reason Rey being here slipping into her mind and a lump forming in her throat once more, was she really ready to talk about this? She would find out, she guessed.

“How’s training been going?” she asked amiably.  
“Really well, I feel more ready every day.”  
A pang of sadness struck her. “I’m sure you’re going to be amazing,” she tried to sound happy for her.  
“My success doesn’t necessarily mean his demise,” she tried to comfort her.  
“I really hope so,” she wasn’t convinced.  
“We don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready.”  
Anna sat up, looking to Rey and then crossing her legs. “I think I am ready.”  
Rey sat up, matching Anna’s stance in front of her. “If you need to stop, it’s okay.”  
Anna smiled sadly. “I just… I never thought I would lose him like this, you know?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I knew he was going to leave, he was training with Luke, but I didn’t think he could ever become Kylo…”  
“Was there never a darkness inside of him?”  
“I wouldn’t say there was no darkness, but there was just as much light. He was filled with adventure and intrigue, we just wanted to rule the skies in our own way,” she paused, her smile returning for a flash. “We were gonna be a two person rebellion against anyone who told us what to do.”  
“Did you speak to him much after he left to train?”  
“He would send me little messages with his Jedi powers, you know, little whispers in my ear while I waited for him to come back. But they stopped and I just assumed he was training harder, or Luke had told him that was against some code, or something like that…”  
“What was he like though? Before he left?”  
“He was just like any one else,” she paused. “That’s not true, he was more than that. We grew up going on made up adventures around us, pretending to be heroes and saving each other. As we got older, we left the stories behind and wanted to make our own. We would sneak out at night and lie our way into cantinas, or…” she trailed off, her mind shifting to that night of their first kiss again.  
“You were closer than friends?” she already knew the answer.  
“I honestly thought he was the one,” she snorted at her childish dreams.  
“Did he never try to contact you after her turned?”  
“Once, but he knew it was a pointless gesture.”  
“Why do you think he did it then?”  
“I don’t know…” she thought back to that moment. “Maybe he really thought I would stand by his side, or maybe he wondered if I could bring him back to the light.”  
“Do you think you could ever get through to him?”  
“I’ve never thought much about it,” she lied, she had fantasised about telling him to come home and he would, but it was impossible for it to happen like that. “It’ll take more than a few words to bring him back.”  
“But you think Ben is still in there?”  
“I do,” she was almost hopeful. “He was always lost, looking for a cause, the cause he found was just the wrong one.”  
She took Anna’s hand. “You’ve carried this all this time?”  
She swallowed hard. “Maybe if I’d tried harder, none of us would be in this mess. Both of us wanted to get out of the shadow of the legends of our families. Both of us wanted to go far away and just start a life of our own but he still wanted to make Leia proud. Maybe if we’d got in a craft one night and just left it all behind…” she couldn’t think about it any more.  
“It’s not your fault. He made these choices, you didn’t. There’s only so much you can do for someone. Maybe now is the time that you can do something for him.”  
“You’ve seen his conflict, haven’t you?”  
“I think I have, and I think he’s reachable, but I need to understand why he turned to the Dark Side.”  
“All he ever wanted was to make his own path,” she said wistfully.

A silence fell over them and Rey knew that she had pushed took much, she should have given Anna more time and space, but her thirst for information was now her downfall. Anna smiled sadly and took Rey’s hands in hers and comfort washing over both of them. She had needed to tell someone as it had burned inside of her for too long, but now it was like she could let those feeling go. There was so many “what ifs” but they didn’t matter, this was the situation they had been given and they had to do the best they could to just deal with this. All the hatred for what had happened between her and Ben faded and she felt at peace with it.

“When you see him, tell him I forgive him,” she said calmly.

Anna stood to her feet and before she left, she bent down and gave Rey a small kiss on the forehead and left her in the tranquillity of the silence, leaving her to do what Jedis did best, whatever that was. At first, she was slightly shaky on her feet, but once her mind cleared, she regained that strong stride she was infamous for around the base. Her workshop was in sight and suddenly all she could think about was the X-Wing once more and she couldn’t wait to see if her brother had come back with another part. She stopped in her tracks, watching as Poe left her workshop, her brows furrowing with a little confusion as she waited for him to pass before she picked up her pace again. On the bench sat a pristine part, no note, nothing along side it, just the part and nothing else. He had been the one leaving them and wasn’t sticking around to catch a moment with her. She couldn’t stop the smile fluttering from her heart.

* * *

Kashyyyk had become the new focus of the Resistance, trying to rid the wookiee home land of the First Order’s current occupation. It was taking time to slowly push back, advancing slowly and creating better strategies than they were coming up with, and they could feel victory coming on soon. It was the last push and for added support, a few others from the base joined, everyone trying their hardest to rid the land of the First Order. They now had all of the bodies they could bring to the front line and they were going to be in for a gruelling battle, but they weren’t going to give up, they would never give up. And following a speech from Poe to the troops around him, quickly followed by a call to arms from Chewie, they were ready and they went out there with all of their hearts.

It had been a three day push and they were finally able to push the First Order out of Kashyyyk, everyone exhausted but thankful for some wookiee hospitality to bring them to a state where they at least weren’t about to fall asleep on their feet and so that their wounded would able to survive the trip home. Optimism was starting to bubble more and more through the Resistance and they seemed to gaining more and more victories, helping to show themselves that they were capable of this, that they were going to be able to win when that last push came. They loaded up the transporters and a small group boarded the Falcon and they made their way back to the place they called home.

Poe trusted Dax enough to carry on making his way back to base while he checked in with the people aboard, leaving the cockpit with a friendly pat on the shoulder. He had started to notice that his new partner in crime was someone that he did actually enjoy being around him since he stopped desperately chasing his sister. Deep down, he could tell that it was killing Poe, that he wanted to do something stupid, but he was going to make sure he didn’t do that, just for everyone’s sakes, especially when there could be a chance that Anna would murder Poe if he messed things up again. Jal had been trying to sort out a few things between the two of them and Dax was thinking that maybe he should help out a little more.

A small swerve around an asteroid warranted a little joking cry from Poe and Dax rolled his eyes before concentrating back onto what he was doing. But before he could, he caught an envelope just in the corner of his eye and curiosity got the best of him as he leant over and picked it up. Written in a scribble was his sister’s name and he furrowed his brow, opening it and sliding the letter out. As he unfolded it, a ring on a chain fell out. He quickly looked over his shoulder to see if he was going to be interrupted but no one was on their way, he was safe to read this and hopefully get to the end before Poe returned.

_I wanted to speak to you before I left, but I knew that it was probably unfair to push you into talking with me if you’re still not ready. But if you’re reading this, I didn’t come back. I’m sorry I didn’t make my way back to you, but I know you’ll be okay because you are a lot stronger than anyone else here. If I had a way to go back and change everything so that you never experienced hurt, I would. Everyone keeps telling me that my actions define me and not my words, but that’s still not going to stop me from telling you how sorry I am, how I wish I could take back what I did to you. If things had been different, if I had been different, if I wasn’t such an idiot, I’d be able to show you every minute how much you mean to me. I can’t force you to remember me the way I want you to, but I hope you can hold onto the times we sat up for hours talking about nothing at all, when we finally kissed after years of dancing around it. The love I felt from you was the biggest, brightest, and most brilliant I have ever felt. This ring belonged to my mother, it was her wedding ring and I always knew you were the person I wanted to give it to, but it was just waiting for the right time. I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to wear it but I hope you’ll at least keep it. Put it at the bottom of a drawer, use it as a fancy pull switch, whatever, but I just ask that you hold onto it. I hope you find the last part of your X-Wing and once all of this is over, you can fly to wherever you will be happy and you can finally rest._  
_I love you,_  
_Poe._

“Hey!” Poe’s voice echoed behind him. “You can’t be reading that, put that back, that’s not for you,” he stormed back into the cockpit.  
“Shouldn’t have left it lying around then, should you?” he handed it over to him.  
“I didn’t, you must have snooped around for,” he snatched it from him.  
“No, I steered around an asteroid and it fell out of the console.”  
“Doesn’t matter, it wasn’t for you to read,” he mumbled.  
“Too late for that,” he snorted. “But at least I know that you do think about her more than just someone to fool around with.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“You actually do love her.”  
“I keep telling you that, why does no one listen to me?”  
“Because you have only just started to listen to what we’ve been telling you all along, you kept pushing her when she needed space.”  
“Because I can’t deal with the space,” he was angry that he’d been pushed to defend himself like this. “I can’t live without her by my side,” his voice shrank.  
“I… I didn’t realise that you felt so strongly about her. I thought this was all just some hormone, macho flyboy act. You know, keep poking until the girl comes back because you know she will…” he felt a little bad he’d judged him this way.  
“Back on D’Qar, before all of it… she was the reason I would come back to the base with a twinkle in my eye. She was just… wow,” he sighed with a smile on his lips. “Watching her work was something everyone should get to see, and she would always shoo me out, but I would just watch from the door instead. Whenever I brought back a craft in a state, she would tell me off and I could never stop myself from thinking about how beautiful she looked when she was angry. Sometimes she would apologise, but most of the time she wouldn’t. Either way, I didn’t care, I got to see her. When she would apologise, it wasn’t a long speech, it was just a “uh, didn’t mean to shout so much” and that was it. Every second I was with her, I wanted to kiss her, but everyone told me she was married to her work, that she would never give up her time for me…” he laughed quietly to himself. “All it took was getting tortured by Kylo Ren for her to finally let me in…” He rubbed his forehead and sighed as he finally sat down in his chair. “Not that it matters anymore,” he turned his attention back to flying.  
Dax sighed dramatically as he threw his arms in the air. “Fine! I’ll help you.”  
“What?” he looked at him suddenly.  
“I’ll help you. You two idiots deserve each other,” he smirked. “Plus I know you’ve been sneaking into her workshop to leave her the parts instead of leaving them in the command post…”  
“That was Jal’s idea, I was just going by what he thought would be best…”  
“You don’t have to defend yourself, I get it,” he smiled.  
“Do you really think I can fix this?”  
“For once, I really do,” he looked over at him, smiling.

Almost silently, a plan was formulating between them, trying to figure out the best way to get a plan that would put them together in a gentle way, something that wouldn’t make her feel like this is forced. There was something that they could do, but it would mean taking a slight detour, something they would have to explain away as something else so people weren’t suspicious of these two using the Falcon for their own things. Then again there was a chance if the people on board knew it what it was for, they would simply just be too tired to argue with them. So, they made their way to one of the outer rim planets, one where Dax knew a guy who knew a gal, who knew a droid who was somewhat of a magpie and had that last piece of the X-Wing that Anna needed. Poe had the part memorised just in case of a time like this.

Before they landed back on Ajan Kloss, Dax had asked Jal to try and get Anna out of the workshop so they could arrange the reunion in a dramatic style, just the way Poe would want it. He then made sure to ask Rose if she could run some interference when she was on her way back to the workshop, so that they could hear them and know that Anna was almost back. The plan was in his head perfectly, it just now had to go the way he hoped it would. With a little mischievous smile, he landed the Falcon and everyone burst into action where they needed to be; Jal back to the workshop, Poe out of the way, Rose with a watchful eye on Anna, and himself playing it cool like he always did.


	13. What I Want Isn't What I Need

Anna barely looked up as Jal walking into the workshop, tinkering on a part that needed to be repaired before it could go into a craft that would need to fly within the hour. He perched himself against one of the many crates around as he waited for her to even turn around so he could catch her eye, waiting with baited breath. When she finally did, he gave her a puppy dog eyed look, something she hadn’t seen from him since they were on D’Qar and he had fallen in love with one of the pilots that turned out to be an absolutely awful person. She gave him an exasperated sigh and folded her arms across her chest, not even asking, waiting for him to excitedly tell her what he wanted to say.

“He’s not like the last one, I promise.”  
“Who is it this time?” she asked flatly.  
“Beaumont…” he trailed off dreamily.  
“Really?” she seemed genuinely surprised.  
“Anna, he’s just… he’s so adorable, and he’s filled with so much spirit, and he’s just…” he sighed in thought.  
“You got it bad, huh?” she smirked softly.  
“I really like him. He’s just-”  
“Okay, stop, I don’t need you to keep talking about him, I get it.”  
“Oh, because you’ve never rambled about anyone you’ve ever liked,” he poked.  
“What does that mean?”  
“Oh, that flyboy is such a smug moron, he thinks he’s so great with his amazing flying and perfectly quaffed hair,” he did his best impression of her.  
“Shut up,” she moaned, knowing he had a point. “Did I really say stuff like that?”  
“Every time you spoke to him, you would come back, insult him and then ramble about how beautiful he was… you didn’t think anyone would notice, but I did,” he smirked.  
“Fine,” she snipped. “So, what are you gonna do about this adorable man?” she asked, softening slightly.  
“Well, I was… I was kinda hoping you could talk to him, you know, find out if he would even date someone like me,” he sounded kind of sad.  
“What can I do? I don’t know him that well to just be like ‘hey man, are you into mechanics?’ he’s gonna think I’m hitting on him.”  
Jal snorted. “Sorry, but everyone knows he’s not your type,” he smirked playfully. “Look, short of Rey, you’re the only person he’s ever really chatted with properly, he comes in here and talks crafts with you all the time, so I was thinking that maybe you could subtly find out.”  
“Jal, you do remember who you’re talking to right? I don’t do subtle all that well…”  
“You’re better at it than me.”  
“That’s not saying a whole lot…”  
“Anna, please?”  
“I will try, I can’t promise anything, but I’ll see what I can get out of him.”  
“You’re the best,” he offered his arms for a hug.

Anna rolled her eyes and stomped towards him and brought him into a hug. The two of them were both as useless at interacting with people as each other simply because they spent their time too consumed with working. She didn’t want to tell him that this was a doomed attempt, but he had to know not to expect too much out of her. Little did she know that he expected next to nothing, while his admission to her about his crush on Beaumont was absolutely true, he also knew that he could do this on his own since there was no ego around his latest crush and was someone he could approach and simply talk to. Sure, he was going to have to make the first move, but he was confident that he was going to be able to do it with style and little chance of rejection after studying the failings of Poe.

Walking through the camp, she was oblivious to the fact that people were watching her, making sure she was going to be busy for a while as they set up everything in the workshop. A few people were settling down for a quick little meal to replenish their energy and she thought this was the best way to try and talk to Beaumont. She had spoken to him a lot in the workshop since he was just a curious little thing who would always want to know about the workings of different ships and the history of the use of them in different battles. It was just nice for her to get to ramble about all the things she knew and now watch someone glaze over while trying to pretend they were still interested. Grabbing a bowl of food, she sat herself down next to him and struck up a conversation with him. He had been gone for a while and she had kind of missed having him around so she made sure he knew that she was happy he was back.

“How about you, how’s things been here?”  
“Here? Uneventful,” she chuckled.  
“And the X-Wing?” he was genuinely interested.  
“I got so much work done without Jal around,” she grinned. “But there’s just one part I need, just the last piece and it’ll be done,” she was so close.  
“Oh right, that’s gotta be exciting,” he remembered he wasn’t supposed to mention that they had it ready for her.  
“Yeah, honestly, seeing that thing fly is just going to be such a marvel,” she smiled.  
“Isn’t it really old? Like Old Rebellion old?”  
“It is indeed, it’s why some parts are harder to find than others.”  
“Has it changed that much over the years?”

That had been a dangerous question to ask the excitable mechanic and that was when she started to go on about all the changes to the X-Wing over the years, how the specs changed for different reasons and the update to make sure that they could really outrun the TIE Fighters when in tight situations. That the inner workings had to be moved to different places to make the balance of the craft absolute perfection and make them something that was an absolutely perfect version of what they once were. She then began to ramble about how she would still change some things, that there was still room for improvement, but that’s not what mattered. None of it really mattered if you weren’t a pilot with your heart completely in it. People always wanted to be the daring pilot, but very few ever had the true courage of a hero to pull off the things that someone like Dameron did. She fell silent for a moment.

“From what I’ve heard, you had that quality too,” he smiled.  
She laughed nervously. “Maybe, I wouldn’t say it.”  
“True heroes are always humble,” he said absently, quoting an old text he’d read.  
“Tell that to Dameron,” she snorted.  
“You know, he is a good leader, we almost gave up on Kashyyyk, but he pulled us out of that.”  
“Not you as well…” she sighed.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Everyone always telling me how great he is, it’s almost as if people are trying to push us back together.”  
“I would never want to push you back together, but I think he’s becoming a better person, less heroics, more team work,” he smiled. “I just have enough time to think about myself, let alone other people’s relationships,” he chuckled sadly.  
“That sounds like you have a crush on someone… unrequited?”  
“Oh no, nothing like that, I don’t even think I have time to fall in love around here,” he chuckled.  
“Oh,” she tried not to sound too disappointed. “So, you’ve never even thought about it?”  
“Not really, what with training, fighting, researching, translating, and whatever else I have to do, I don’t feel like I have time for a relationship right now.”  
“That’s fair, I used to think the same as well, to be honest,” she nodded with a mouth full of bread.  
“Why do you ask?” he suddenly realised how odd this conversation had become.  
“No reason, it’s just, you know, you spend a lot of time with a group of people on a planet away from the home you’re used to, fighting along side them, sometimes things just creep up on you and then before you know it, you’re in love.”  
“I suppose that’s true. I just… I’ve never really put myself out there because who would even like someone like me?”  
Anna glared at him. “Are you serious?”  
“What?”  
“Come on! You’re a decent looking guy, you’re passionate about what you enjoy, you’re an interesting person to be around, you care about the people close to you, you are a good man.”  
“Good doesn’t always mean attractive though,” he seemed to be talking from experience.  
“Attractive means different things to different people. Take me for example, yeah, people tell me I’m pretty or that I’m beautiful or whatever, but spend more than five minutes with me and you realise I am insufferable.”  
“I wouldn’t go that far.”  
“We both know I’m hot headed, I’m stubborn, I’m dismissive, I’m pretty rude when I wanna be, but that’s alright because that’s who I am and there’s someone out there who apparently wants to be around that. You’ll find someone who thinks that a good man is an attractive one.”  
“Maybe…”  
“No maybe about it, there’s someone here who thinks just that,” she didn’t even realise what she had said while she spooned food into her mouth.  
“Really? Who is it?” his excitement building.  
“Uh… oh… I really can’t say… I was supposed to keep it a secret,” she hit her forehead with her palm. “This is why you don’t ask me to do subtle…”  
He laughed slightly. “But it’s someone on this base?”  
“Yeah, and he apparently thinks you’re really adorable,” she bit her lip the moment she realised she’d let it slip.  
“Really? He does?” his excitement grew.  
“You heard none of this from me, alright, not a single word.”  
“But you won’t tell me who it is,” he said a little sadly.  
“You’ll figure it out, trust me, not many people would have asked me to do this, figure out who would do that, and you’ll have your answer.”

There was nothing left for her to do now but to just get the hell out of there before she just screamed ‘it’s Jal okay, he really likes you’ and then the entire base knew what was going on. She grabbed one more bread roll before she got up and started to leave, patting Beaumont on the shoulder and leaving him with more information than she had hoped to. As she walked back to her workshop, she started to mutter to herself under her breath, chiding herself for being such an absolute idiot. Then again, this was Jal’s fault, she had told him that this was a bad plan and that there was a chance that she was going to stick her foot in it and she had done that well and truly, he could only blame himself at this point. But she was pulled out of that quickly when Rose bumped into her, mumbling a sorry and trying to walk on.

“Anna, wait, I wanted to talk to you about something.”  
“Yeah, what is it?” she carried on walking.  
Rose caught up with her and stopped in front of her, stopping her from walking to her workshop. “I just wanted to ask you about Dax…”  
“What’s that idiot done?”  
“No, it’s nothing bad, it’s just, uh…” she tried to think on her feet, “do you know what he thinks of picnics?”  
She narrowed her eyes at her for a moment. “Are you planning to take Dax on a picnic?” she asked bluntly.  
“I… well, not just me, you know as a team thing, but I didn’t know if it’d be, you know, too sentimental for him?”  
Her eyes softened and she smiled. “He’d love it, honestly. If you can get a hold of some, get him some bantha steaks, he never shuts up about them,” she grinned.  
“Thanks,” she blushed slightly.  
“Let me know how it goes,” she smiled as she turned to walk away.  
“See you around!” she called after her.

That was the signal, Anna was almost inches away from entering the workshop and everyone else had to scatter as quickly as possible. Jal had dipped out and grabbed a bunch of flowers for a gift for her, returning with just enough time to tie a little ribbon around the stems to make it a little more presentable. Poe had freshened himself up to look at least a little bit presentable even though his hair was still a mess, clean clothes really helped him look less sloppy. While they did that, Dax was making sure that all the tools she needed were in the general area of the X-Wing, not moving them, just checking they were present so she could work on it if she wanted to. As they heard Rose and Anna conversing, they started taking their positions, the two helpers disappearing back into the night and Poe nervously standing by the workbench. He couldn’t figure out how to stand, what to do with his hands and he started trying different positions, back to her, did he face her, or what if he just left and forgot about this stupid plan?

He froze as he heard her behind him, his eyes growing wide as his stared at the part, almost terrified to turn around in case she was seething at him. His hands gripped the edge of the workbench, them almost turning white as he suddenly felt like he might throw up. Why had he let them talk him into this? At first, she hadn’t even noticed him standing there, expecting to be greeted by Jal but he wasn’t there. She looked around confused, finally noticing Poe standing as still as humanly possible.

“You know I can still see you even if you don’t move?” she chuckled.  
He chuckled nervously as he turned around. “I wasn’t meant to be here when you got back, I was just going to leave you this and get out of here…”  
“Is that…?”

Before she could finish her question or he could answer her, she rushed to him and brought him into a tight hug. She couldn’t believe that he had finally found it and that all this time hadn’t been for nothing, she could finally finish her job and everyone would be able to see that she could make this thing fly no matter how crazy they thought she was. As her arms held him tightly, things started to stir within her once more, the smell of him making her want to never let go and the way that he held her back making her feel like the safest person in the galaxy. The two of them stood in silence, neither one wanting to be the person to break the hug, but both of them knowing that they couldn’t stay like this forever, especially not when she was still unsure if she was ready to let him back in.

“I can’t believe you found it,” she slowly back away from the hug.  
“Yeah,” he rubbed the back of his neck with an awkward chuckle, “I got it on our way back from Kashyyyk,” he couldn’t look at her just yet.  
“Thank you,” she said softly, placing a hand on his arm.  
“I uh… I also got you some flowers.”  
“They’re still dead, Dameron. Flowers should be left to grow,” she said flatly. She swallowed, catching herself and looking back at him, trying to smile. “But they’re still pretty, I guess,” she wanted him to know that she knew he was at least trying.  
“Yeah, next time I’ll just get you a flower patch,” he chuckled nervously.  
Her eyes lit up and a smile came to her lips. She shook her head and grabbed the part, holding it in her hands to make sure it was real. “Wanna help me finish this?”  
“You want me to finish your project with you?”  
“You’ve been supplying the parts, it only seems fair,” she smiled.

In this moment, all he had to do was keep his cool and not do anything sudden or that she hadn’t asked for. He had to make sure that he didn’t grab her and slam her against the side of the X-Wing and kiss her with the passion that he had missed all this time he couldn’t kiss her. He had to stop himself from just perching her on the workbench and showing her all the things she had been missing out on with him. He couldn’t do any of that, instead, he just had to smile back and nod, and await further instructions on what she wanted him to do. He paused, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath and remembering that if he did any of the things that he wanted to do, he would once again be back to square one.

She had become a one woman explosion of energy as she started to bound around and collect all the things that they needed to get this last part into the craft and to get it working. Instead of the usual way she would bark orders to get a project done quickly, she was like a giddy child, asking for him to do things with glee as she buzzed around. Once she had slipped some of her tools into the pockets of her overalls, she handed the part to him and began removing a panel with care and speed, disappearing to start moving things around and getting the area prepped for the new part to go into. He simply did as he was told and handed it when she asked, providing his hands when she needed him to hold onto something or to keep a wire pressed down while she soldered them into place.

While she hadn’t expected it to burst into life the minute she flipped the switch, she had a level of misplaced optimism that it would which caused a little sadness in her eyes when it didn’t start on the first go. A few more tries and she knew that it wasn’t just because it was a bit clogged up, something else had to be wrong with it. Once more, she ordered him around, telling him where to hold onto parts so she could wiggle them just a little bit and test the connections and place them back in. He just watched in awe, finding it hard to believe that anyone could ever know this much about a craft, from the tiny part that she tapped, stating that sometimes it was displaced when it hasn’t been used because it was the heat of the craft that fused it into place, or that the final part may have needed to have one wire inside of it changed since it was such an old part, a part that she technically would have never come across the whole time she’d been working on X-Wings. Yet all this knowledge was still inside of her.

There was one last thing they could try and he could tell that she was beginning to lose hope slightly that this was going to work, but she was sure as hell going to give it one last shot. She took his hand without warning and he almost passed out, his brain racing to figure out what she was going to do with it and combination of relief and disappointment rushing over him as she placed it in the craft to make sure something didn’t move. She disappeared from his view for a moment and returned, one of her father’s insignias in hand; a small metal pin badge. This had been something her father told her was common and another reason why most pilots used to wear this badge even if they didn’t want to, it fit absolutely perfect in this small gap and held the wires in place while also acting like a better conductor. She reached into the craft once more and put it in place, and told Poe to take his hand out as well. One more try.

It spluttered at first, but as she tried the ignition for a second time, the X-Wing finally burst into life and it was as if the entire base could finally breathe a sigh of relief. He was once more left in awe of her, her determination, and her absolute brilliance, his mouth falling open ever so slightly. She just stood in disbelief for a moment, unable to fully comprehend what was happening in this moment. Then it hit her. She’d done it, she’d actually done it and it was going to be able to fly and no one would be able to stop her. Her lips slowly turned up into a smile and then into a wide grin, still in disbelief, but this was absolutely real. She turned the engine off and she turned to him, letting out a little excited squeak before finally grabbing him and bringing him into a hug which he quickly melted into.

It suddenly hit her what she was doing and she looked up at him, a rush of emotions flashing through her head as she tried to figure out what she wanted to do. There was part of her that just couldn’t have seen this happening any other way, she had always wanted him by her side when she finally got this working, even if he was just sitting and watching her, but now he had helped her do it, it seemed even better. If there was any time for her to finally let him back in, this was it, this was the moment in her life she wanted to remember with him more than any of the other ones. She carefully leant up and placed a small kiss upon his cheek and then smiled at him.

Usually he would have had a reaction, be it a smart quip or just to return the kiss, this time he had nothing. The kiss had simply rendered him nearly useless as he just looked down at her unable to truly process what had just happened. All the time he had wasted constantly forcing her to be around him and making her confront their situation and all it had taken was some space and some time and she was ready to let him back in. All he could hear was the voice of every single person saying ‘we told you so’ and he finally gave her a little sheepish grin, resting his hands on her hips as he brought her into a hug. Maybe they weren’t back together in the same way they had been before, but now they could start to build on what they were starting this time and they could be close to each other without feeling awkward and not quite knowing where they stood.

As he brought her into the hug, she couldn’t help but fall back into old habits, resting her head on his chest like the comfortable old jacket he was. Although she knew that there was still going to be some hesitation on her part when they were in stressful situations, right now, she knew that there was no ulterior motive and she could just feel safe with him once more. All of the time apart seemed to melt away like it hadn’t happened and they were just picking back up where they left off, almost like auto pilot was kicking in once more and they could just be together and not worry about anything else in the galaxy.

Instead of a sweet peck on the cheek, this time she stood up on her toes, placing a kiss on his lips with that love that they both remembered. Without even thinking, they both slipped back into the way they stole kisses from each other like this was the last time they were ever going to see each other. He pushed her against the body of the X-Wing and she shook her head, pushing him back and up against one of the walls and hungrily biting at his lip before kissing him once more. She coyly slipped her tongue into his mouth, a groan erupting from his throat as he did the same, her taste driving him to pull her closer to him, not wanting this to ever end.

One of his hands slid from the small of her back to gently tug on the front of her overalls and she stepped back, breaking the hug and the kiss as all the bad memories flashed in her head again. He knew he’d messed it up again and his arms fell limp to his side as he leant his head against the wall, looking to the ceiling so he didn’t have to see the sadness in her eyes again, he knew it would kill him. He brought his hands to his face, trying to hold in all of the emotions the swirled inside of him. Why was he always this stupid? Instead of defending himself and making things worse, he simply turned and started to make his way out of the workshop.

Before he could take another step, he felt her hand wrap around his wrist and pull him back and he looked at her with a little confusion. No matter how many times he kept messing this up, she was still willing to give him another shot and at this time, he couldn’t believe that she was willing to look passed this once more, and yet here she was, holding his hand tightly and looking at him with those big eyes, begging him to stay. No matter how stubborn he was, she was just as stubborn. Yes, she knew that he’d made another misstep, but this wasn’t something he had done to actively hurt her or that would have hurt her had she been ready. Right now, she just didn’t want him to leave her, she wanted him to stay because she couldn’t stand being without him any more.

“Can we just… take it slow?” her voice barely audible.  
He could feel her grip on him and he knew he couldn’t walk away from her. “Of course, anything, you know I would do anything for you.”  
“I know,” she smiled, just barely.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Stop apologising,” she didn’t even have the energy to roll her eyes.  
“Okay…” he couldn’t find any words.  
“Stay with me tonight,” she asked of him softly.  
“I promise.”

Before he could do anything else, she led him to the pile of bedding which had strangely been made since the last time she had been in the workshop. She didn’t pay any attention to that and instead just pulled him down onto the mattress with her. They both laid down and she snuggled up to him, placing her forehead on his as she tangled her fingers into his hair, placing a tiny kiss on the tip of his nose with a little cheeky smile afterwards. Finally, after all of this time, it clicked in his head what she really needed and that was just someone to hold onto her when she needed it and quickly slipped his arm underneath her, resting lightly on her back. She snuggled up to him closer, placing her head on his chest and with his free hand, he pulled the blankets over them, bringing them closer and keeping them warm. 

As they just spent time just close to each other, their free hands found each other, fingers interlocking delicately. He could feel her body growing tired in his arms as she began to drift in and out of sleep and couldn’t resist stealing one more sleepy kiss, leaning down and placing it on her forehead. They had rushed so much the first time around, but maybe this was the second chance they both needed to really discover what they wanted from each other as he honestly thought he was doing the right thing, not even taking a second to realise that she just craved intimacy in any kind of way and if that came in the form of quickies in a cupboard, then she was going to take it. This was just as nice as anything else they had done and it was evident as he drifted off to sleep with a smile creeping onto his lips.


	14. I'd Never Get Over You

He slowly stirred as sunlight streamed in through the window, feeling actually rested, and dare he say it, somewhat refreshed. His lips were still formed into a smile as he stretched with a little satisfied mumble, just unbelievably relieved that he was finally back with her. All of that disappeared quickly as he realised there wasn’t anyone else lying next to him and he was alone in the bed. He opened his eyes and tried not to slip back, his brain already wondering if this had been all some kind of dream or whether this was her shutting him out once more. As he sat up, he could see her sitting at her workbench, tinkering with something as her delicate hands made short work of the casing and then pursed her lips in thought. Did he dare approach her to see if everything was still okay? It did feel different this time, she wasn’t a bundle of energy just pouring herself into something to stay busy, instead she was meticulously working, a ghost of a smile on her lips. He’d never seen her this serene before and hoped that it would stay this way.

Like he was approaching a mission, he thought through a plan of action, different steps he could take and all the ways she could react and most of them creating a knot of nerves in his stomach. He got himself out of the bed and cautiously stepped around so she could see him in her peripheral vision and not startle her from behind. Maybe he was thinking way too much about this, but he couldn’t ruin this, not again. His movement had alerted her to him and he stopped, standing still once more just in case she was ready to hurl something else at him. She span in her chair, a smile already on her lips as she held one of her tools in her hand.

“I didn’t wanna wake you up with the usual crashing around,” she said a little sheepishly.  
“It’s okay,” there was a shift, knowing that she probably wasn’t angry with him. “What are you working on?” he asked, stepping closer.  
“Transporter ignition, simple stuff really,” she looked back at it and then back to him. She wanted to work, but she couldn’t with him there, she wouldn’t be able to concentrate. “You and Dax got any heroics planned for today?” she asked, still not sure if she wanted him to stay or go.  
“Not today, gotta do the planning first,” he smiled softly as he leant his shoulder against the wall.  
“At least he’s less likely to murder you and dump your body on another planet,” she snorted.  
“Don’t laugh… he would genuinely do that.”  
“Oh, I know, he’s told me plenty of times. You’re lucky I’ve still had a soft spot for you all this time.”  
“Really?”  
“Don’t let it go to your head, Dameron,” she teased. “After all, one more wrong move and I would have let him,” she smirked.  
He nervously laughed, not sure if that was a joke or now. “Well, I’ll stay in line this time.”  
“I hope so,” she sounded odd, he wasn’t quite able to put his finger on what she was trying to convey. “Either way, you need to scoot if you want me to get any work done today,” her joking tone returning.  
“What if I don’t want you to get any work done?” he smirked, pushing himself off the wall and leaning on her workbench, bending over so he was at her level.  
“Then you can explain when the transporter doesn’t start before the next mission.”  
“I’m sure I can come up with something,” he smirked.  
Her tongue rested at the roof of her mouth as her lips parted slightly, eyeing him for a moment. “I’m sure everyone would be really impressed that the mission would be stalled.”  
His lips pursed. “They’d just have to deal with it, won’t they?”  
“You make a terrible leader,” she leant in closer.  
“I make up for it with other things,” he watched her closely.

Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to be almost irresistible as he stood before her? The only thing running through her mind was how much she wanted to kiss him and stop him from going out of that door, but she was going to have some self restraint, she was going to hold back so they didn’t find those old habits becoming their only reaction to everything. She had to make sure that they could be together without it constantly resulting in them tumbling into bed together. At any other time, she would have just thrown caution to the wind and stolen a kiss from him and just let him do whatever he wanted. This time she gave him a little playful smirk and then slipped away, moving to a cupboard to get a few more of her precision tools and leaving him bent over the table with a flash of confusion coming over his face.

As she came back out of the cupboard, she couldn’t stop herself from staring at his form for just a moment; the way that the base of his spine curved ever so softly, the fact that he was almost presenting his butt to her, showing off one of his best features. But it wasn’t just the lust that caused her to stare, but also the little flutter she felt at the way his nostrils flared when he huffed with frustration, his jaw clenching slightly and then his eyes opening once more. One of the reasons she always avoided his gaze was because of how easily she could get lost in those eyes, some how those big brown eyes always rendered her completely useless and it was why she looked away as she walked back towards him. She settled back at her workbench and could already sense that he was tense and she wished she could do something to help him, but she just wasn’t ready.

He knew they were supposed to be taking things slow now, he knew that she was in charge of this situation and while he didn’t begrudge her, he still wished that he could just lean in for a kiss and not be terrified that she was going to react badly to it. He stood up straight and rested his hand on the edge of the work bench, not looking up until he suddenly felt her beside him and smiled weakly, not really sure of what to do now. Perhaps he should just leave her to it and let her get on with her work instead of bothering her for the rest of the day, but he also still wanted to be near her even if he couldn’t have her.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked a little out of the blue.  
“What do you mean?” he was confused, unsure how to answer.  
“You look lost in thought, what is it, spit it out, Dameron,” she almost ordered.  
“It’s nothing, honestly.”  
She glared at him.  
“I just… I’m scared I’m gonna mess this up again…” he looked away from her.  
“Would it be us if it was smooth sailing?” she joked, nudging him to try and make him look at her. “Look, I know the whole slow moving thing might be new to you, but it doesn’t mean you can’t make the first move. It just means keeping this less… you know, physical.”  
“You won’t get angry if I steal a kiss?”  
“No, because if you remember, I’ve let you back in, you idiot,” she poked him in the stomach.  
“I can’t mess this up again,” he said more to himself.  
She took his hand as she stood up. “You won’t,” she smiled.

Her smile caught him and he placed his other hand on top of her hand, looking at her and just letting himself get lost. First he had been too forward and now he was being too cautious and he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to get it right, but now he was beginning to have faith that she would help to guide him. As they waited in this moment, he watched her lick her lips and he realised that there would always be little signs that he would be able to pick up on if he just waited and looked. His confident swagger was back as he slowly brought his hand and cupped her cheek softly, smiling as she leant into the hand and feeling her hand rest tenderly on his waist. Leaning in as his eyes slipped closed, he kissed her lips, confident that this wasn’t going to end in disaster.

“Poe, where you at, bud?” Dax called within earshot

Every time they began to feel like something was going to go their way, they began to remember that there was a war going on around that neither of them could ignore. No matter how they both wanted a happy ending where they jumped in a craft and disappeared to a distant planet, neither of them would ever be able to abandon the cause they both felt burn in their veins. Reluctantly, Anna pulled away from the kiss, but left her hand on his hip as long as she could, waiting until her brother ducked under the doorway and told Poe all about the message they had just got. The hushed tones of someone ready to betray the First Order had started as a pipe dream, then became a lifeline, and now it was an actual reality. He had to leave her again and she was going to be okay, she knew she would be. Smiling sadly, she placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Go be a hero,” she teased with an underlying sadness.

Dax had already made his way out of the workshop with hurried excitement, and eventually Poe left as well, keeping her hand on him until he was finally out of reach. Her arm wrapped around her own waist and she began chewing on her thumbnail, waiting for one more moment before she sat back down at her workbench. It just wasn’t fair and she knew she shouldn’t complain because this had been the life that she chose, but she was just growing tired of having to watch everyone rush off and do something big and heroic while she sat on the base simply just waiting to know if they were going to come back or not. A tiny voice in the back of her head was telling her that she should have taken up training, or that she should have done something more than just sitting with her crafts and droids and hoping that she was making a difference.

The simple act of settling down and working was no longer the enjoyable task she did while she stole glances of Poe in peaceful slumber, it was back to being the only thing that she could do to keep her mind off anything possible. After a short string of curses, blood began to trickle from the slash she had created when her hand slipped, a rare occurrence for someone who was so used to being completely in control of everything. Grabbing one of the dirty rags, she wrapped up her hand and continued to work, focused on finishing since she was so close even though the pain was beginning to throb through her hand now. It may have had a small smearing of blood on it, but it was ready to go back into the craft and she could find another job to do.

The small hub of where the crafts tended to be was buzzing with excitement as everyone started to talk about how much this could mean if this intel was real and something that could really help them. It was soon hushed when Rose spotted Anna with the part in hand and blood seeping through a makeshift bandage on her hand. Everyone stood back and watched as she simply the piece in place and then turned back to make her way towards her workshop. Before she could disappear from the group, Rose stopped her, telling her that she should probably really get checked out, just to make sure, but Anna shrugged it off, mumbling something about it being nothing. No one wanted to confront her but everyone also wanting her to be okay.

“Are you going to bleed over all of the crafts today?” the familiar voice of Leia echoed through the workshop.  
“I’m fine, it’s nothing, I have a lot of work.”  
“Last I checked, we have enough crafts for the time being, you need a working hand to be of any use to us.”  
“It’s fine, it’s-”  
“Don’t give me that, Anna, go and get it seen to, now.”  
“It’s barely a scratch, it’ll stop in a minute and I’ll be fine.”  
“You’re far from fine,” she said delicately.  
Anna finally looked up at her. “I don’t have time to be anything else. I need to work.”  
“No, you need a day off.”  
“I really don’t, who else will fix these crafts?”  
“No one, but none of them have any faults, you have fixed everything, there’s nothing mechanical left to fix,” she still kept that light tone that comforted Anna. She sat down and patted the other free seat.  
“There has to be something left to fix,” she started to look around the workshop.  
“Will you please just sit down?”  
Anna finally yielded and engaged with her.  
“You need to take a breath, go and enjoy the wind on your skin, feel the grass, smell the flowers, get out of this workshop.”  
“How can I do that when everyone else is doing so much?” she sighed.  
“You think you’re not doing anything for us?”  
“Maybe,” she was barely audible.  
“Without you, we would be grounded. And Snap would have been stuck without your instructions on how to fix his craft on the fly. Just because you’re not risking your life in imminent danger doesn’t mean you’re not important to all of this.”  
She had no reply.  
“I know it must be hard seeing everyone running off and fighting face to face with the enemy, stuck here worrying if they will even come back, but that just shows how much you care about them and this cause. You fix these crafts so we can keep fighting even though it goes against how much you wish they would never leave you.”  
“It’s not just that… I feel like I could give so much more.”  
“You have given so much to us already. All the things you’ve done for us is more than most would, and right now, you’re bleeding for us, ruining one of your perfectly good rags.”  
Anna finally let out a small chuckle.  
“Take a day of rest, clear your head, and please, for my sake, get your hand seen to,” she smiled as she started to stand to leave.  
“Uh- before you go… can I ask you something?”  
“You can always ask me something, whenever you need to. What is it?”  
“If I was ready, would you let me fly again?”  
A mix of emotions ran through Leia; pride, hope, happiness, but underlying sadness and worry crept through. She placed her hand on her cheek with a smile. “When you’re ready to fly, you fly.”

Before Leia left Anna alone with her thoughts, she gave her a loving kiss on the forehead. She wasn’t sure if she ever would be ready, but she couldn’t help but think that maybe this was the reason that she had spent so much time trying to fix that X-Wing and that was the missing piece of her. She was going to try and make sure that she took baby steps, that she didn’t rush herself and maybe she would spend some time simply sitting in the cockpit to remind herself why she even started flying in the first place. But that was for another day, right now she needed to try and not think about anything else, she had to take a day off. The only time she had ever taken a day off in the past was when she had been laid up in bed in recovery; rest was foreign to her.

She guessed that her first stop should really be to get her hand checked out, especially since it didn’t appear that the bleeding had actually stopped yet. She peered around the door, seeing that there was someone inside and simply presented the bloody rag wrapped around her hand with a little sheepish smile. The medic checked her over quickly and as if she was working on a part, they worked on her hand, being as carefully to stop the wincing of pain while they fixed her up in the low tech way they had to deal with injuries as of late. They held her hand and started to stitch the wound closed as it was a lot deeper than she had been making out, a few more millimetres and she would have hit the bone. Maybe it was because she tended to have a tolerance of pain or it was something she didn’t want to admit. Admitting that she had injured herself so badly by accident would come with the fact that she had to admit to herself that it was because she was wholly distracted by the thought of losing Poe.

They applied a clean dressing and told her that after a few hours, she needed to come back to have a new one applied if the blood had begun to seep through it and she agreed, even if she didn’t want to. Now she was free to do with her day whatever she wanted to. A day off. She could go back to the workshop and just start cataloguing things, making sure all of her tools were in the right place and that all spare parts were around if she needed them, but she assumed that didn’t count as taking time away from work. Settling down in a small clearing near the edge of the forest, she started to wonder if anyone else around here ever got forced to have days off and tried to not tell herself that of course they didn’t because they would always be needed.

Rose had been slightly worried about Anna, not just because she had been bleeding, but also the way she had tried to down play the whole situation and that it wasn’t of importance. There was an inability to really ask for help or to even try and show that she needed help despite the fact she would always tell people that asking for help wasn’t weakness. Jal had always told her that Anna was just a complicated person and sometimes didn’t make sense, but that was even more reason to check in with her. Anna appeared to be in thought as she sat among the grass and Rose joined her with a little smile, waiting for her to look up.

“You been seen to?” Rose asked, still concerned.  
“All patched up,” she presented her hand to show the evidence.  
“And how you feeling?”  
“I… I don’t know,” she was quiet.  
“What do you mean? Surely you would know,” she was just confused now.  
“I wish I did. It’s like every time I get things straight in my head, something happens. And it’s never even anything big, it’s just something I should expect.”  
“Talk me through it,” she placed a hand on Anna’s.  
“Last night, me and Poe finally started to put things back together, and I thought I would get at least a day with him, some time just to talk, or just hold each other, but the sun comes up and he has to go. I don’t know when he’s coming back, or even if he will.”  
“This is Poe, he’ll come back, he always does,” she smiled.  
“It’s not even the worrying any more though, it’s… it’s the longing,” she said sadly.  
“I get it,” she suddenly became quiet.  
“You do?”  
“It’s different, but it’s the same. Sometimes I feel like I’m never going to get to know the real person I like but it’s all I want.”  
“You’re talking about Dax, aren’t you?”  
She didn’t answer.  
“He’s been through a lot. He’s spent most of his time aimlessly drifting through space just trying to make a living. This is a major shift for him, he’s never spent this much time around this many people and I don’t think he really knows how to handle it.”  
“But he never talks about any of it, as soon as I try to talk to him about the past, he just clams up.”  
“Because he probably doesn’t want you judge him. I don’t know what he did, but he’s probably done a lot of… questionable stuff. That’s not who he is any more, so he probably wants to forget about it.”  
“Why do things have to be so complicated?” she huffed.  
“I guess that’s just life,” she was a little blunt.  
“But you and Poe are working through things now?” she tried to change the subject.  
“I hope so, I want to take it slow and just build this thing together instead of rushing in like we did like last time.”  
“Was it rushing? You two have been friends for a long time, and there’s always been some weird tension between you.”  
“You felt it too?” Anna was genuinely surprised.  
“The entire base could feel it.”  
“I thought it was only Jal who noticed it.”  
“No, no, everyone could see it.”  
Anna laughed nervously.  
“It’s okay though, you two are back together, everyone can breathe a sigh of relief,” she teased.  
“Yeah, I guess they can,” a small smile returned.

The two of them sat around, started talk about all the things they missed about being home, the simple pleasures of not sharing a bedroom with others or having people walk in while you were trying to sleep. Or even not having to plan when you would bathe to work around all the other people on the base. This was the thing that Leia had wanted for her, just so she would slow down and remember all the little things around her that made all the chaos worth it in the end. Something to occupy her time with instead of focusing on everyone else, she just needed time for herself and that there was still life to be lived even if this war was going on.

After a while, they were interrupted by the sound of someone approaching, both looking up and smiling as they saw Rey with BB-8 rolling behind her. Anna couldn’t resist giving the droid her usual greeting of scratching their front panel with a little goofy grin, everyone fully aware of how only she and Poe were the only ones allowed to do that. With a little huff Rey sat down with them, clearly tired from running the course once more that she was determined to complete no matter how much energy it pulled from her. Anna couldn’t resist relaying Leia’s advice and reminding her that everyone needed some time off from time to time and the three women sat around, just relaxing.

It didn’t take much time for them to get comfortable together, Anna carefully plaiting Rey’s hair, Rey delicately brushing through Rose’s hair as she laid her head in her lap and BB happily sitting beside them with the odd happy beeps. The three of them were very much guilty of being people who were working themselves too hard and running almost completely on empty. Spending time with the people you loved was always a nice way to start recharging while idly talking about nothing that really mattered, but it was the time that mattered. This had been something that they knew they had needed but didn’t think they could take the time out to do anything like this because there were still things that needed to be done. Now they realised that the things they had to do were things that were done as a process, it wasn’t two actions and the list was done, it was a never ending list. Pausing that list didn’t mean that they weren’t working hard or doing what was being asked of them, it just meant that they were taking time to really care for themselves. 

The conversation sometimes dipped into more serious moments that were happening in their lives, but they still avoided talking about the direct actions of the Resistance, sticking mainly to their personal struggles. Rey had noticed a lot of the time that Finn seemed wanted to talk to her about something or that he was going to announce something, but every time she gave him the time, he would suddenly change the subject and avoid talking about the matter that was really pressing. Rose had found herself in the curious position of crushing on a man she barely knew anything about and for the most part, no one else knew a lot about him either. She enjoyed the time she spent with him and the small kisses they stole when no one was looking was sparking something inside of her to keep going, but she worried that once the war was over, everything would just fade away. Anna avoided bringing up too much, but of course she couldn’t avoid letting slip how much she hated falling in love with Poe.

Most people just assumed she didn’t really talk about emotions in general because that was her personality and her stubbornness was the reason she hated that he was the one who got to make the first move, but there was a whole lot more to all of it. It was still bottled up inside of her in a mess of emotions that she didn’t want to spill out, and that’s why she never addressed it out loud to anyone. Dax and Poe were completely oblivious to all of it and for the most part Jal was apart from the things he’d picked up from just being around her for so long. It always seemed when she got close to people, the moment that she wasn’t by their side was the time that they left her. Ben had always been happy when he was around her and it was only when he left to train as a Jedi that he slipped to the Dark Side. Aldo always came home when she was flying missions with her, hell, that applied to almost all of her squadron and it was only when she didn’t fly with them on that one mission that they perished. Her father, while not in the best of health, had only passed away the time she had to go off base to find a part when no one else would. Poe was different and he filled her with hope and that scared her more than anything else.

Those thoughts would always stay inside of her, no one was going to get them out of her and that was fine because neither Rey nor Rose were going to try and pull them out of her. Instead they would just sit here for as long as they wanted while filling the silence with the joy and friendship of three people who had found each other in such a strange set of circumstances, a time reminiscent of all the time she spent off base with her squadron. The only time they vaguely stirred to move was when Poe and Dax returned, deciding to stay where they were but letting BB rush off to greet his favourite human. None of them even cared as the sunlight disappeared and was replaced by the glow of the moonlight, still just talking away in the darkness, almost as if they were trying to ignore that the next day was coming, ready to throw them back into the mess of fighting this war.


	15. I've Forgotten What It Is To Cope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big fricking woops. sorry i haven't updated this for like a month but things have just been a mess (like the entire world, lmao) but i'm finally posting it and hopefully i'll be back to being regularly posting again.

On the other side of the base, Poe had greeted his droid like an excited parent seeing their toddler walking towards them and embraced BB with a wide grin. Along with a few others, he settled down and decided now was a good time to recharge with some food and then maybe he would see how Anna was, but first he had to chat with people about the intel they had picked up. If it had been something useful, he would have rushed to Leia and informed her right away, but instead it was general stuff that they already knew because they had Finn with them. Maybe the next contact would help them with something more, but for now he had to start crushing people’s hope that this was going to build a quick attack to end this all in a few weeks.

“Do you know if Anna got her hand seen to?” he overheard Finn asking Beaumont.  
“Yeah, I think L-”  
“What happened to Anna?” Poe interjected.  
“I think she scratched her hand fixing something.”  
“She’s not in the workshop,” Jal said quickly, hoping Poe wouldn’t run off to find her.  
“Well, where is she then? I better go find her,” he stood up, putting his hands on his hips.  
Jal sighed loudly. “She’s probably just blowing off steam, she’ll come back when she’s ready, then you can go and see her, just sit down.”  
“But what if she’s not okay, what if she needs help?”  
“She can handle herself, I’m sure it was nothing,” he looked at him sternly.  
With a sigh, Poe sat back down.  
“Did you at least get something good from the insider?” Finn asked.  
“Not really, just blueprints and layouts, stuff we already know.”  
“Maybe they’ll have something better next time,” Beaumont, ever the optimist.  
“They better, I don’t wanna keep risking my life for nothing,” Poe sighed.  
“Like that’s not what you’ve done your entire life,” Dax snorted.  
“Quit it,” Poe snipped.  
“Trouble in paradise?” Jal teased.  
“I’ve had to put up with him rambling about how much he loves my sister all day, it gets a little thin after a while…”  
“Ah, young love,” Jal smirked.  
“Oh, she’s just so pretty, oh she’s amazing, she fixed the X-Wing so easily,” Dax mocked Poe’s tone all day.  
“Wait, she finished the X-Wing?” Beaumont sounded excited.  
“She finished last night, you should have seen her, oh boy,” Poe’s tone almost matching the one Dax had mocked him with.  
“Can’t wait to see that thing fly again,” Beaumont still in awe.  
“I don’t know if I do…” Jal said quietly.  
“What do you mean?” Poe’s brow furrowed.  
“If she’s flying, who’s gonna be fixing our crafts,” he coolly covered his concern.  
“He makes a very good point,” Beaumont chuckled.  
Poe wasn’t convinced by Jal’s words, but wouldn’t confront him in front of everyone. “She could probably do both, she is a wonder after all,” he grinned.  
“He’s off again,” Dax groaned.  
“It’s cute, leave him to it, we rarely get good feelings around here,” Jal teased.  
BB-8 interjected with happy beeps.  
“I know buddy,” Poe smiled. “Just gotta not wreck it this time…”  
“Keep it in your pants and you’ll be alright,” Dax waved his butter knife, everyone knowing that was a veiled threat.  
“There is more to it than that, she’s just so… complicated.”  
Finn snorted.  
“What was that for?”  
“You’re an idiot.”  
“And what brought you to that conclusion?” Poe sounded tired.  
“You say she’s complicated like she’s a mission. She’s a person,” Finn finally looked up from his food to give Poe a pointed gaze.  
“But it’s true, she is complicated, I never know how to approach her.”  
“Maybe like someone who has emotions and has dealt with a lot and just needs someone to care instead of trying to crack her?” Finn tilted his head slightly.  
Poe had no answer.  
“You’ll get there, women can be complicated,” Dax tried to make Poe feel a least a little better.  
“Oh yeah, how are things going with Rose?” Jal grinned.  
“How do you know?” Dax turning to interrogation mode.  
“I’m not blind, I’ve seen the way you two look at each other,” he smirked triumphantly. “So… what’s going on?”  
“Honestly? I don’t know,” he sighed, defeated.  
“Expand,” Jal looked at him, waiting for the story.  
“I really like her, I do, but the closer we get, the more she wants to know and I just don’t want to talk to her about it.”  
Finn groaned loudly.  
“What now?” Dax snapped.  
“She just wants some honesty, how else can you build trust if you can’t be honest?” Finn looked at Dax.  
“I can’t tell her about my past, it’s a sure fire way to freak her out.”  
“One, you don’t know if that will be her reaction. And two, have you explained that to her?” he asked, growing increasingly frustrated.  
“Well no, I just don’t want to talk about it at all.”  
“You can’t just shut her out, at least explain to her why you don’t want to talk about it.”  
“But what if she tries to force it out of me?”  
“You’re a big of an idiot as he is,” he motioned to Poe. He let out one more frustrated sigh and left the table with his empty plate.  
Everyone left at the table simply looked at each other a little dumbfounded before BB let out a few confused beeps.  
“Don’t worry, he’ll be alright,” he comforted his droid.  
“Can I ask you all something while you’re here?” Beaumont suddenly asked.  
“What is it?” Poe sounded a little concerned.  
“You’re all close to Anna right?” he asked, already knowing the answer but not really knowing how else to broach the subject.  
“What’s on your mind?”  
“Last night, she told me something she said she shouldn’t have and then said that I could figure out who she was talking about if I thought about who she was close enough to know what she did, and I didn’t know if there was anyone else she was close to.”  
Jal almost choked on his food.  
“Just the three of us,” Poe smirked at Jal. “I’m gonna go see where she is,” he got up to leave but noticed Dax hadn’t moved. He hit him on arm.  
“Oh… right, yeah, I’ll help you,” he finally caught on and left with him.  
BB beeped happily and rolled off ahead of them, almost leading them away.  
“So uh… what exactly did Anna tell you last night then?” Jal asked him.  
“Just that apparently there’s someone on this base who thinks I’m cute. Honestly, if I didn’t know about her and Poe, I would have thought she was hitting on me,” he chuckled.  
“But she didn’t say who it was?”  
“No, just that it was someone she was close to, I think she felt bad for letting it slip, like she was trying to keep it subtle…”  
“She said she couldn’t do subtle,” he mumbled inaudibly.  
“Pardon?”  
“Uh… it was me,” he awkwardly smiling, already waiting for the shoot down. This had not been the plan.  
“You?”  
“You sound surprised…”  
“It’s just… uh-” he suddenly became really flustered. “I mean, you’re really handsome, and kind of an action hero, and just… I just read books and, you know?”  
“You think I’m handsome? Really?” Jal blushed slightly.  
Beaumont swallowed hard. “Yeah… and you really think I’m adorable?”  
“Yeah… the way you get excited over Anna’s stories, the way your nose wrinkles when you get to a passage you can’t quite translate, the way you gave your rations to other people who were complaining about being so hungry,” his eyes sparkled slightly.  
Beaumont’s only reaction was to grab onto Jal’s hand, flashing him a goofy smile that Jal was sure he did on purpose to look even cuter.

Dax and Poe had been following BB through the base, suddenly able to hear the chatter of voices through the trees and hanging back for a moment, part of them curious to know what they talked about while they weren’t around. They had shifted around and were joined by Finn, laying his head in Anna’s lap while she placed twists in his hair, while Rose plaited her hair and Rey plaited Rose’s. while most of the day it had been a subject they barely touched on, they were now in deep conversation about Poe, Anna and Rose filling them in about the history; the constant angry flirting, the sexual tension that apparently everyone but Anna knew about, the hours spent with him talking about nothing at all, and of course the time she had almost killed him when all he brought back of a craft was steering column.

She wearily explained how she had hoped that the more she shouted at him, the more he would back off and eventually he would just lose interest, but he never did, always coming back to her and flirting despite having a wrench pressed against his windpipe. It was his persistence that had made her give in and she wasn’t sure if that had ever been the right thing to do. Sure, their first night together had been on her terms, but the moment he came into her workshop and forced his way back in, she just let him have his way and she didn’t know if that had set a routine that they were going to fall into. She just wished they could talk more and they could speak their mind instead of both of them just constantly reacting off impulses. She admitted out loud that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but she did know if that was even probable any more.

The plan had been to sneak in and smirk wildly like he’d tricked her into admitting the truth and to show he’d got one up on her, but suddenly, he didn’t want to do that. He turned back to the base and was followed quickly by Dax and BB who had no idea where they were going. He found Jal who was currently holding hands with Beaumont and while he was happy for them or whatever, he needed to know what he had meant earlier. The words he mumbled had stuck with him and once he heard what Anna just said, it all clicked into place finally and he didn’t know if he wanted to face the reality. Jal didn’t want her to fly again because it meant that she was ready to fly the mission she was supposed to be on; the suicide mission.

“Jal, I need to talk to you,” Poe tapped him on the arm.  
“Kinda busy here,” he couldn’t look away.  
“Now,” his eyes almost black as he glared at him.  
He looked up and saw what was going on. “What is it?” he asked a bit panicked.  
Poe grabbed his elbow and pulled him away from Beaumont. “What did you mean earlier about not wanting to see Anna fly again?”  
“Exactly what I said earlier, we’ll lose our best mechanic,” he tried so hard to keep it light.  
“What did you mean?” he barked, hands on his hips as he glared at him.  
Dax put a hand on Poe’s shoulder. “Bud, why don’t we take this somewhere else?” he looked around at the people staring at them now.

He was causing somewhat of a scene and most people were just trying to eat in peace while they had time for a breather, but Poe didn’t even realise. With a huff, he stormed off towards his bunk house, waiting for the others to join him. Jal quickly apologised to Beaumont and Dax quipped about returning his new boyfriend in one piece before they both made their way over to Poe. Dax quietly closed the door behind Jal once they were inside, telling BB-8 just to give them some alone time, he turned to see Poe sat on his bed with his head in hands already. This was not going to go well.

“Why don’t you want her fly?” he asked, looking back up at Jal.  
“I already told you, I can tell you again,” he nervously joked.  
“Stop it,” he slammed his palm onto the bedside table. “Has she said something to you?”  
“No… it’s nothing like that,” he said quietly.  
“Then what is it? Huh?” he was becoming belligerent.  
“I just misspoke, I worry about her sometimes…”  
He stood up quickly and kicked a chair.  
“Hey, calm down, what’s going on?” Dax asked, started to grow more confused.  
“I have always had a bad feeling about her flying again,” Jal finally confessed.  
Poe started to pace, his hands finding his hips again, his brow furrowing. “The mission her squadron went on, what was the survival chance?”  
“I don’t know,” he lied.  
“Jal, I swear to-” he raised a hand to him.  
Dax pulled Poe back. “Calm it down,” he was back to that intimidating Dax who towered over Poe with no flicker of a smile. He softened as he turned back to Jal. “Just answer him, please.”  
“Slim to none.”  
Poe fell limp against Dax and then instantly caught himself. “You think if she flies, she won’t come back.”  
“We’re all jumping to a lot of conclusions here, why don’t we slow it down a bit?” Dax tried to keep a cool head in all of this.  
“I don’t know, I really don’t, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying that’s what will happen,” a flash of fear in Jal’s voice.  
Poe began to pace, his heart racing and emotions pulsing through his head.  
“Poe, speak to us, what’s going on?”  
“Don’t you get it? She stopped flying because she thought she was on borrowed time, she knew she was supposed to die in that mission with the rest of her squadron, her next flight is her last because that was how it was always supposed to be. You heard what she was saying to Finn, she wants to spend the rest of her life with me but doesn’t think we’ll be together once the war is over. What else do you think that means?”  
A wave of realisation spread over Dax’s face. “No, you’re being ridiculous, she would never want to die.”  
“I’m not saying she wants to, but that’s what she thinks has to happen for her to have a happy ending,” he almost collapsed on to the bed. “And it’s all my fault, isn’t it?”  
“Don’t give yourself too much credit,” Dax snorted.  
“If I’d just left her to her life, she would have kept fixing crafts, she would just been content doing what she was doing, instead I pushed. And then I destroyed the trust we had.”  
“You’re the one thing she can’t fix,” Jal laughed sadly.

Poe buried his head in his hands again, trying to just hide how much he wanted to burst into tears right now at how selfish and stupid he’d been over the time with Anna. He kept pushing and taking everything he wanted from her and never stopped to think about how little she really had to give. Jal mumbled a quick apology and made his way out, closing the door behind him and scurrying off, avoiding everyone right now. Dax stayed, sitting in the chair once he had put it back the right way up and just watching him carefully, hoping he wasn’t going to do anything stupid right now. Then he heard a pained whimper, followed by strained sobs and he shifted the chair to the bed and sat closer, placing a hand on Poe’s arm, just so he knew he was there.

This had all just been too much for him to take in, an absolute mess of information overload and now all he could do was sob like a child who was going to end up losing the one thing he’d found that was worth fighting for, more than anything else in the galaxy. The last time he had cried this much was when he had lost his mother and he didn’t know if he could ever survive another loss like that. He couldn’t even concentrate anymore, his mind not settling on one thought for more than a few seconds to moving to another one, each one more depressing than the last as he thought about every moment he’d ever spent with Anna. Before he knew it, he had finally cried himself to sleep, his body simply unable to stay awake from the pain.

He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep when the door creaked open, waking him and just assuming it was Dax leaving so he could sleep on something a bit more comfortable than a chair and tried to go back to sleep before his thoughts caught up with him. Then the footsteps moved into the room and he sat up, unable to make out the face, but the silhouette belong to someone tall and slight. A delicate hand clamped over his mouth and she leant in, the moonlight finally exposing the mischievous smirk of Anna. He quickly glanced to make sure Dax was gone and once saw that they were alone, he sat up and placed his hands on her waist and pulled her closer. In one motion, she unzipped her overalls and took them off, completely naked underneath and exposed to no one but him. He quickly started to undo his pants, kicking off his shoes and then struggling but eventually getting his pants off.

She pressed against his shoulders, pinning him back down to the bed and kissing his neck roughly, quickly turning to light bites which she then trailed along his jaw line before biting at his bottom lip with a little smirk. While one hand kept him pinned down, her other hand wrapped around his erection and guided it into herself, a satisfied moan vibrating against his skin. All he could do was simply watch her as she rocked backwards and forwards, her lips pursed as she stayed inches from him, her breath hot and heavy as his hands finally found their way to her waist. He leant up for a kiss, but she backed away slightly, shaking her head as her lips twisted into a smirk.

Once she found a rhythm, he began to rock his hips in time with her, making sure to move at the right time so he could push in deeper, watching her closely as her eyes slipped closed and her lips parted to moan ever so slightly. She looked down at him and dipped in for another kiss, a tiny whimper escaping her as he thrust deeply inside of her. It had felt like an eternity since the last time he heard that noise and it just made him want her even more. She started to move her hips quicker, angling herself a little differently so he was able to push even deeper with each one, her breath starting to become ragged as he could feel the pressure building up inside of himself. Then she let out a tiny moan, just that one little noise set him over the edge as he gripped her hips bruisingly tight and released inside of her with a juddering grunt.

He snapped awake, sitting up in bed with beads of sweat formed along his forehead and began to pant softly. He looked around confused, the sun shining into his room and no sign Anna had ever even been here, Dax still sat in his chair next to the bed, slowly waking up from Poe’s rush of movement. He avoided eye contact with him at all costs, his waking brain still trying to process what had happened in the night. His brain had been playing tricks on him, ones that he wasn’t sure how to handle right now, especially while her brother loomed in the room. Eventually, he looked at Dax even though he could feel his cheeks flushing hot while Dax still tried to adjust his eyes to the light in the room. Seemingly, he only wanted to make sure Poe made it through the night and once he saw he was awake, he gave him a little friendly jab on the arm and made his way out, leaving Poe alone with all of his confusing thoughts.

He had no idea what he was supposed to do now, did he go and see her and talk about something, or did he hide away until he was certain that he wouldn’t just grab her out of pure lust. He wiped his forehead with his sleeve, getting rid of the sweat as he thought in the silence, starting to over think everything he could do. Even though it had been just a dream, her touch, her scent, her taste, it was all there and it was the one thing he craved more than anything else right now, but he knew that he couldn’t. Jonesing for her love wasn’t a new feeling, but it seemed to be even harder to deal with now he knew what he was missing out on. He sat on his bed, his hands in his lap as he tried to decide what would be the best move, almost paralysed by trying to make the choice.


	16. There Are Better Days To Find

Anna was in still in a haze of sleep, comforted by her current dream of the near distant future she would have with Poe. The war was over and they were far away from everything, laying together on a distant planet, and he straddled her, dipping down to steal kisses at every moment he could, grinning and giggling. The sun shone behind him, a slight glow radiating around his topless form and a sheet billowing around them. She covered her face with a loud laugh as he started to give her small ticklish kisses, pushing him away and crying out playfully, trying to defend herself against him but of course giving in until he finally stopped, just looking down at her and she smiled, placing a hand on his cheek and waiting for a moment, just taking this all in.

Hurried beeps shook her out of her dreamy state, her eyes slowly fluttering open and blearily tried to focus on BB as she rubbed her eyes, asking the droid to slow down so she could understand them while her brain tried to comprehend anything. Maybe she could go back to sleep and try and resume the little dream, getting back to the perfect life she wanted to have, but no, she knew she had to do the responsible thing and actually respond to whatever BB needed. She wasn’t sure if the droid needed help with something or if they were just trying to get her to do something else, her brain still unable to process what was being said because of the sudden awakening.

Finally, she was starting to understand what was happening, it wasn’t urgent and it wasn’t anything particularly bad, but BB was having issues with the mobility of one part due to being left out in the cold for the night. It seemed very out of character for Poe to do that, but she assumed he had his reasons, but she couldn’t help but feel a small amount of concern trickling into her. The droid continued to beep, not understanding why they had been shut out over the night and sounding somewhat worried until Anna finally placed her hand on them, hushing them with a gentle, soothing sound, and then beginning to gently remove the panel. She hummed happily as she began to poke about, realigning the bearings and then leaning over and grabbing a small bottle, dabbing a rag with the grease and then coating the part. Sitting back, she looked at BB who wiggled left to right and then beeped happily, staying still while she placed the panel back on and then whizzing around her workshop and then settling next to her.

“Buddy, there you are!” Poe exclaimed from the doorway, kneeling in front of his droid and giving them an apologetic hug.  
“Morning to you too,” Anna teased.  
“Oh, didn’t see you there,” he smirked.  
“Sure you didn’t,” she rolled her eyes. “So why are you shutting BB out, huh? Am I going to have to take custody?” she put her arm around the droid, pulling them closer.  
“I was so tired last night, I just shut the door without thinking,” he lied, awkwardly looking away from her.  
“If he does that BB, you come straight to me, okay?” she told them with a smile.  
BB beeped happily before turning to Poe, giving him a nudge.  
“Heard you had an accident yesterday…”  
She looked at him confused, trying to figure out what he was referring to and then realised. “It was nothing big, just a scratch,” she offered her hand, exposing the bandage now spotted with blood.  
“You really should get that changed,” he said sternly.  
“Ah, later, I got things to do,” she took her hand away, not wanting a fuss. “Any decent intel?”  
“Not really,” he sighed.  
“Maybe next time it’ll be better,” she placed her hand on his arm, trying to comfort him.  
“Thanks for helping BB-8,” he just wanted to change the subject.  
“Anything for my favourite droid,” she grinned. She looked up and lost herself in Poe’s eyes. Maybe they could have that future together. “Would you be able to do me a small favour?” she asked him.  
“Sure, what can I do?” he asked  
“I need to get this changed,” she flashed a glance to her hand and then back to him, “wait for me to come back?” she asked softly.  
“Of course,” he nodded.

For one moment, she had to catch her breath, losing herself in his eyes once more and having to steady herself so she could finally leave and get herself seen to. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do while he waited for her to return, simply sitting on her bed while BB-8 waited in front of him, beeping to try and see what was going on, but instead just getting silence. It was always odd to watch as he stayed in thought, not really able to engage and talk to them, but this was definitely a strange situation for him. They were content and yet he could still feel this unexplainable thing that made him feel that they weren’t supposed to be together. He couldn’t accept that was going to happen, the universe had to know that both of them were too stubborn to let it have it’s way. He was caught off guard when he felt Anna kissing his cheek and then watched her sit down next to him, placing a hand on his knee.

“All patched up,” she smiled, showing him the new and clean bandage.  
“What did you even do?” he delicately took her hand.  
“I was clearly tired of having a hand,” she joked. “My hand just slipped,” she brushed it off.  
“You? Slipping? Where is your head at?” he put his arm around her.  
“Too busy worrying about you, I guess…” she didn’t look at him, bringing her knees up and her elbows settling on her knees.  
“You don’t have to worry about me, especially now I have Dax looking after me,” he smiled softly.  
“It wasn’t just that… it’s… it was what the mission was… Suddenly there’s a turncoat who wants to give us information, no one knows who it is. I was somewhat sceptical, that it might have been a trap,” she kicked the dirt under her.  
“Possibly, but why would they only want to kill two Resistance fighters?” he chuckled slightly.  
“To send a message,” she said quietly. Thoughts of Ben flashed through her mind.  
“Maybe,” he considered it, realising it could have happened, but still more likely for the intel to just be false, the ambush coming at a later date. He brought had hand closer. “But stop injuring yourself, okay?” he planted his lips ever so lightly on her palm.  
“I’ll try,” she grinned sheepishly, moving her hand to touch his cheek. “As long as you keep coming back to me.”  
“I promise,” he placed his forehead against hers, one hand resting on the side of her neck. “Why did you want me to wait for you?” he asked curiously.  
She had wanted to talk to him about Kylo, about the terror he wasn’t coming back, about the fact that maybe something could happen because of her past. But now she couldn’t say it. “I just wanted to stay with you for a bit, before we have to go back to whatever we need to do,” she smiled softly.

As they sat together, they could feel the air clearing once more, like everything was back to being okay because they were now holding onto each other and nothing would ever stop them. He wasn’t sure what had come over him, but he was finally able to restrain himself. Of course he wanted to kiss her and hold her, but he didn’t feel that cardinal lust that had tended to dictate a lot of his actions around her. Satisfied that this was the time he definitely wasn’t going to make the wrong move, he leant in and kissed her on the lips, holding her close instead of pushing her down onto the bed. She kissed him back, her arms slipping around his shoulders. Suddenly BB-8 whirred and beeped happily and Poe and Anna couldn’t help but let out small giggles, looking at each other with grins and then to the droid who seemed happy that their make shift parents were finally back together. 

Dax dipped under the doorframe and looked at the two of them, waiting for them to jump apart or to try and come up with and excuse, but instead they just looked up at him as they both held onto each other. He said that Poe was needed for some tactics talk with a few of the others, trying to come up with a plan on how their next attack should go and Anna sadly let him go after kissing him on the cheek. She wasn’t sad in the kind of big way she had been, just sad that she wasn’t going to be able to shower him with kisses throughout the day. While she had planned most of her things while she was a squadron leader, she had steered clear of it since it was her plan that had got them killed, she couldn’t risk it once again. Instead, she would stay in her workshop, watched over by BB-8 under the orders of Poe, while the two main loves in her life went off to save the galaxy.

Most of the day was spent tinkering with things, working at a slow pace, but the entire day flying by as she just worked idly. She didn’t have to think about much for most of the day, just letting it all slide by her, humming to herself as she continued to work. Her hand didn’t even twinge for most of the day, only once feeling pain surge through it when she accidentally dropped something and caught it with the bad hand. But it soon subsided once she was back to working and BB had chirped to cheer her up. The base was busy around her and it all just slipped away, seemingly none of it mattering to her. She didn’t even notice as the sunlight faded away and the moonlight began to glow through the small window.

Poe stood in the doorway, watching her for a moment as she was content, the humming bringing some strange comfort deep inside of him as he placed a hand on his hip, leaning the side of his head against the doorway. Finally, he gave in and padded up behind her, slipping his arms around her tightly, and she put the part down, her hands caressing his forearms, her humming stopping. She broke away so she could turn around, taking his hands and pulling him to her level so she could kiss him softly on the cheek. The two of them just spent a moment looking at each other before she finally stood up and lead him towards the bed, a sleepy yawn escaping her lips.

Instead of being driven by the lust that usually determined their actions, they were simply running on their exhaustion; Anna undressed, slipping a short shirt over her naked body and Poe simply stripping down to his underwear. The two of them quickly settled in, her head resting on his chest and his arm slipped underneath her to hold her close. Her fingertips walked along his chest, simply wanting to feel his skin on hers, smiling as she watched his chest rise and fall with every breath. This was the kind of thing that they had been missing out on all of this time, simply just existing close to each other without everything becoming a jumble of emotions and urges. She didn’t want to ruin this moment, but she knew that she had to talk to him about at least one of the thoughts running around her head.

“Poe?” she uttered cautiously.  
“Hmm?” he replied sleepily.  
She instantly regretted it. “Never mind, rest, you need it.”  
“What is it? I can rest later,” he smiled, kissing her forehead.  
“The mission… the one I was supposed to go on,” she paused, biting her lip.  
“You don’t have to talk about this if you can’t.”  
“I want to… I have to,” she said boldly. “The mission was completely off my own back. I planned it, I riled them up and told them we had to do it. The First Order were moving and Leia wasn’t doing anything about it, I disobeyed her orders. I wanted to strike first, to show that there were heroes still here and we could defeat them in the smaller battles while they attacked defenceless planets. Instead of looking at the bigger picture, I reacted with my emotions and told them all that we needed to do something. It was my speech that got them in their X-Wings and flying a mission that deep down, we knew would be the end of us, but because we were running on adrenaline, we didn’t think. Except when I tried to get out of my bed, I couldn’t even stand and so they flew the mission without me.”  
“You can’t carry that with you forever.”  
“I have to. It’s the only thing that reminds me that sometimes the thing you think is the right thing to do, it isn’t, its the stupid thing to do,” she looked up at him.  
He didn’t know how to reply, all of his words escaping him.  
“I let all the people I cared about die for some stupid ego thing. I sent my family, the ones I promised I would look after to their deaths so I could prove I was a hero,” her eyes became glassy as she laid her head back on his chest.  
He pulled her closer. “It wasn’t your fault.”  
“But that’s just it, it was. It was entirely my fault, and I have to live with that, I have lived with that. It’s why I couldn’t let you in.”  
“It’s different this time, no situation is the same,” he tried to comfort her.  
“I know, but I was too scared to ever lose someone like that again…”  
“Anna…”  
“Aldo was the only one who came back… he was barely breathing, beyond help, we couldn’t do anything. He spent two days dying, I couldn’t leave his side the entire time, and he died clinging to me…”  
“At least he had you in his final moments,” he mumbled, thinking about how he knew he would want to be with her as he died for whatever reasons.  
“And I live with that every day,” she choked out.  
All he could do was gently stroke her hair.  
“I promised myself I would never put myself in a position where I could lose someone like that, I never wanted to be in love. And yet here I am,” she said wistfully.  
“We can never plan for what happens in this life,” he placed a sloppy kiss on her forehead, holding back his own tears now.  
She took his hand and placed it on the scar that ran across her thigh. “This is the reason I couldn’t walk, this was why I couldn’t fly.”  
He traced his fingertips along the scar. “But it’s why you keep fighting, you never give up.”  
“You’re why I don’t give up.”

He kept his hand on her thigh, squeezing it slightly to comfort her and let her know that he really wasn’t going anywhere. She pressed her lips against his chest, finally able to let something go and feeling lighter, like she was able to breathe once more. He could sense that she felt more comfortable with these moments now as she leant into him more, her head resting beneath his chin as he continued to hold her tightly. He kept his eyes on her, waiting as she closed her eyes and began to finally rest, slipping into a peaceful rest. It wasn’t long after that he began to drift off too, afraid to let her go again, that odd feeling still playing in the back of his mind, but he would confront it at a different time.


	17. And Hope That You Won't Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really just wanted to write a flashback scene with anna and ben, so uh, here it is, aha. i hope it goes some way to kinda showing some more things about anna as well.

Anna hadn’t seen Ben in such a long time that she couldn’t stop the nerves from bubbling inside of her and the trembling in her hands. All the time he’d been away, training to become a Jedi and she hadn’t been allowed to see him, but had spoken to him a few times, each time making her realise how much she really did miss him. Her partner in crime wasn’t there to get into trouble with and so most of her time had been spent working with her dad in his workshop. It had been a welcome distraction, but she sure missed that angry yet impressed tone anyone who interacted with her and Ben getting caught up to mischief would have laced through their voice while they lectured them on how they needed to do something more constructive with their time.

Yavin-4 had definitely been eerily quiet without him and it was starting to feel like Anna was the only one who had really missed him. No one else seemed to know that he was coming back and she could only assume it was because he wanted to surprise everyone with something they would never forget, something the two of them would almost definitely get into trouble for. She waited nervously in the empty room, trying to figure out if she should stand up or if she should stay sat down, maybe she should rest carefully on her table, or maybe she should just do something to occupy her mind while she waited.

Then he walked in and everything melted away as their eyes met. At first, she was almost frozen to the spot, taking him in and making sure that this moment was real. Without any warning, she bounded up to him and pulled him into a tight hug, resting her head on his chest, savouring just finally being with him. She pulled back slightly, taking in every part of him again so if they were ever away from each other again, she could remember this moment. The way he towered over her always made her feel oddly calm and right now, she didn’t believe it would be possible to ever feel this way again.

“Missed me,” he couldn’t stop the little playful smirk.  
“Not in the slightest,” she nudged him with a grin.  
“Shame, I definitely missed you,” his features softened as he rested his hands on her shoulders.  
“Fine, maybe a little bit,” she reached up and touched his cheek.

When they were together, it was like the rest of the galaxy didn’t exist and if it did, it really didn’t matter at all. They were going to be able to weather anything it threw at them and being apart for this long was just going to make them stronger than ever before. She began to stand up on her tiptoes and he dipped down slightly, the two of them finally kissing and remembering how much they missed the other’s touch. The taste of her lips always gave him that little push to want to get up to all the things they were told was wrong, and this time it was going to be something that could change their entire lives. He wanted her to stay by his side and he knew that if he was going on this path, her love would keep him strong.

“Okay, maybe a lot,” she grinned coyly.  
“I knew it,” he smiled wickedly. “I never want you to leave my side again.”  
“It’s gonna take a lot to take you away from me again,” she started to hold onto his hand.  
“Good,” his eyes almost dark as he looked at her again.

Something was beginning to feel ever so slightly off, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it just yet. Maybe this was all just because they’d been apart for so long and things had been very strange with Luke, but either way, she was still too happy to see him to care all that much about the little strangeness from him. He still held her hand, slowly pulling her towards the bed with a smile and that feeling dissolved completely. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her onto his lap and she straddled him, looking down at him as all she could do was smile, kissing him softly on the tip of his nose.

“Will you come with me?” he asked her, his hands resting on her hips.  
“Where are we going?” she asked, lost in his eyes.  
“Away from everyone, to start something all of our own. Something that’s ours,” he pulled her closer.  
“Well, I do like the sound of that,” she grinned.  
“Just me and you, and we’ll rule the galaxy with everyone beneath us,” his hands began to dig into her.  
“Ben,” she squirmed slightly, “what are you talking about?”  
“We can get away from everyone who keeps telling us what to do, we can make our own rules, do what we want to do and everyone who thought they could control us will suffer.”  
“I thought we wanted to stop the suffering, we just wanted to be free.”  
“Freedom comes at a price, we’ll have to crush those who held us back.”  
“It doesn’t have to be that way, and you know it. What happened?”  
“What happened? I saw the true face of the Jedi, I’ve seen that the true way to be free is to kill those who oppose us.”  
“Stop it, this isn’t funny,” she tried to pull away from him.  
“You said you would stay by my side, we always said it’s us against everyone else, I thought you loved me,” his voice was low and menacing.  
“You know I love you, but you’re scaring me, Ben. You never wanted to hurt people before…” her voice started to crack.  
“That was before my own uncle tried to murder me,” he sneered.  
“Luke? What happened?”  
“He came into my room while I was asleep with his lightsabre drawn, it I hadn’t heard him, he would have killed me, I had to protect myself,” the anger flickered in his eyes.  
“Ben, are you sure? That doesn’t sound like Luke at all…” her mind whirred as she tried to figure out what could have happened. “Why don’t we speak to your mum?”  
“No,” he almost barked. “It’s just us now, no one else cares about us.”  
“That’s not true, Leia loves you, you know that,” she gently stroked his cheek. “Why don’t we just leave? Me and you, go to some far off moon and we just live, just the two of us.”

She was beginning to worry because she realised that this was the moment she was going to lose him. Her eyes were started to well with tears as she placed her hands on his cheeks, trying to make him look at her so he wouldn’t leave. She couldn’t lose him, but all she could feel was the pain in her heart because she was sure that he was turning to the Dark Side. She wanted to beg him, to do whatever she could to make him stay, but that was feeling impossible. She kissed him softly, holding back her sobs.

“Just me and you, please Ben,” she begged.

There was a moment of silence hanging in the air as he seemed to be considering it, feeling that maybe this time he was getting through to him. She searched for anything in his eyes that meant he was going to agree with her, but he had become unreadable, he really wasn’t the same person she had known before he left. Just to confirm that he really wasn’t that same cheeky, playful mischief maker, he moved in one fluid motion, laying Anna onto the bed and pinning her by the wrists as he straddled her, his eyes flashing dark once more.

“They’ll come after us, you know that. There’s only one way to protect myself, but I want you with me.”  
“Ben please, stop this, you know that’s not true.”  
“They know they have to kill me, and they won’t stop, you love me, right?” he carefully kissed her neck.  
“You know I love you, but this is insanity, they all care for you, they’re going to help you with whatever you think it going on.”  
“You don’t believe me?”  
“Of course I believe you, but they’re not going to kill you, you know they would never do that. You’re still here now, that means that Luke stopped himself, that he couldn’t kill you because no matter what, he still cares for you and he believes the good is still inside of you.”  
“He knows that the darkness in our family is now in me, and it scares him, so he has to destroy me,” he stared at her dead eyed.  
“But you can control it, I know you can, you’re stronger than this, let my love keep you here,” she pleaded.  
“You know it won’t work like that. We’re not day dreaming children any more, I’m a threat.”  
“Not to me, stay with me, please, I love you.”  
“You say you love me but you won’t join me. I thought I meant more to you,” he snarled.  
“I love you more than anything else, and you know that, that’s why I’m telling you to stay here.”  
“You’re either coming with me, or you will help fuel the rebellion against me.”  
“It doesn’t have to be this way.”

Anna tried so hard not to cry, but she was struggling as the tears began to fall from the corners of her eyes, she had lost him to the Dark Side and she really didn’t know if there was any way to get him to come back to her. He got off of the bed and stood in her room, refusing to look at her now as she slowly sat up. She sniffed softly as she wiped her tears away with the cuff of her sleeve, waiting for him to say something, to do anything. There was nothing for a few moments, just silence clinging to the air with a horrible discomfort. Suddenly, it felt like a hand was gripping around her throat and she couldn’t fight it, all she could do was struggle for breath and look at Ben with absolute worry.

“This is the only way it can be,” all the emotion seemed to be zapped from his voice. “You either stand by my side and help me rebuild what my grandfather fought for, or you stay here with the rebel scum.”  
The grip around her throat stopped. “Ben,” her voice wobbled as she looked at him tearfully, “we were supposed to fight for freedom, not kill anyone, that’s never what I wanted.”  
“I gave you everything and this is how you repay me?”  
“I can’t join you on this path…”  
“Just take my hand, it’s all you have to do,” he offered his hand to her.  
“I can’t.”  
“I thought I was your one and only, I thought I was your reason for living,” he snipped.  
“You are, but not at the cost of the lives of the other people I love,” she was defiant, standing on her shaky feet.

The tight grip returned to her throat, but this time it wasn’t from The Force, it was from Ben’s hand wrapping around her neck. Her eyes filled with panic as she looked at him, realising that the loving person she once knew had disappeared in just one moment while he was away from her. She always thought that they were going to become ghosts of the galaxy and only be talked about in stories of those two crazy drifters doing something dangerous and reckless. Instead, he was the one that was ending that dream for her as her eyes filled with tears as she tried her hardest to fight him off. 

“Ben, please,” she pleaded breathlessly.  
“Maybe you should live with your choice. Every time you fall in love, you’ll remember how you promised it would only be us two. You’ll never be able to love another because you’ll remember how you lied to me,” he sneered.

He released his grip, staring down at her for a moment, the two of them standing alone in this room for the last time. As he turned to leave, he flicked his wrist ever so slightly, using The Force to send her violently into the wall, knocking the life out of her for just a moment. By the time she regained the ability to move, he was gone, and there was no evidence he had even been there apart from the hole she could feel in her heart. She didn’t know what she should even do as she slowly sat up, bringing her knees up to her chest and trying to get things clear in her head. Nothing seemed to make any sense, no matter how she tried to think about it, it was like this was all just a very bad dream.

“You better not be sleeping, there’s work to be done, you lazy bum,” her father chirped in his typical joking fashion.

Instead of seeing her curled up in bed catching another nap, he saw her curled up in the corner of her room and he couldn’t figure out what was happening. He wasn’t really great with the emotional stuff and spent most of her childhood letting other people deal with it, but right now, he was the only one here. With a little smile, he sat down next to her on the floor and tried to get her to look up, but she just wouldn’t and he wasn’t sure at all how to tackle this.

“What’s wrong my lil tauntaun?” he carefully put an arm around her.  
“I think I messed up,” she finally looked up at him.  
“What’re you talking about?” he asked.  
“Ben… he’s gone,” she sniffed loudly.  
“Gone? What d’ya mean? Where’d he go?” he was completely confounded.  
“Somewhere I can’t follow him,” she looked away again.  
“Anna, you know I’m not the brightest, just tell me plainly what’s happened.”  
“He’s gone to the Dark Side… Something happened between him and Luke and he thinks that he has a target on his back now, that everyone’s after him and his only choice is to fight all who oppose him…” she held back the tears. “I failed him,” she buried her head into her father’s chest.  
“Hey no, no way did you fail him,” his hand instinctively starting to stroke her hair. “You filled him with all the love in the galaxy, you couldn’t have done anything differently, you can’t blame yourself for this at all,” he held her as close as he could.

All he could do was helplessly hold onto his daughter as she began to weep and cling to him the way she would when she was a child and she was scared. She was scared for what this meant for everyone, not just herself and so absolutely terrified that the galaxy. They both grew up on tales of the Rebel Alliance and what they had to do just to survive against The Empire and she never imagined she would have to find that fight inside of her and carry on what her father had done, but now it was the only thought she had. She had always imagined they were going to escape all of that, but she had been foolish to believe that she could simply will that into existence.


	18. The Sun Burnt Out Tonight

Months passed by and everyone soldiered forward, trying their hardest to keep the last remaining spark of hope glowing as much as they could, but some days felt more futile than others. Of course, some people kept the hope alive enough for all of them, Anna being a constant point for people who felt they were at the end of the battle. She refused to let any of this die, otherwise all the people before them fought for nothing; they didn’t give their lives to let them turn away because things were rough. Fear couldn’t win if they spat in its face. Poe truly believed she was strong enough to carry the entire Resistance right now and he couldn’t have been prouder of her.

The morning came much like every other morning on the base as Anna stirred, rolling closer to Poe in protest of not wanting to get out of bed. He mumbled as he clung to her, agreeing that they would stay here for the day, not moving for anyone. In another life, they would have with no worries or guilt, but they knew they couldn’t and so they started their routine of slowly shifting apart and getting out of bed. Taking things slowly had resulted in a stronger relationship, one where they giggled and stole kisses as they got dressed, playful hitting whenever he joked that her brother snored quieter than her, and of course the slow kiss goodbye and her telling him to go save the galaxy.

She couldn’t help but notice that he had left without his jacket. Some days, she would grab it and chase after him and other days she would hold onto it as she took in his scent, feeling closer to him even if he wasn’t by her side. The problem with this jacket was that it was the one that she had worn aboard Haddus and the one that always brought her flashes of another dark moment she wanted to leave in the past. Her fingers wrapped around it and she held it in her arms, breathing in deeply and a faint smile coming to her lips. She didn’t want him to leave her and finally, after all this time, she slipped the jacket on and hugged herself slightly, feeling the ghost of his touch while the lining of the jacket caressed her skin, almost as if he was there with her. 

The workshop had started to feel like a real home except from when he was no longer there, the emptiness bringing back the stark reality of the war and how alone she could end up after all of this. She tried not to dwell, she had something else planned for today that she was keeping to herself. At times when Poe wasn’t around and no one else would catch her, she had been flying her X-Wing and noticing the small things that could be fine tuned so she could make it perfect. She picked up a small tool and opened one of the panels and began working, her melodious hum returning and Poe’s jacket keeping her comforted.

“Still working on this thing, huh?” Finn asked from the doorway.  
“Fine tuning takes it’s time,” she said absently.  
“I’m assuming Poe doesn’t know you’ve been flying that thing yet?”  
Anna gave him a knowing look as she finally put her tools down. She’d been around people like him all of her life, of course he knew. “I think he’d lose it if he did…” she trailed off sadly.  
“I don’t think he’d react as badly as you think he would.”  
“Maybe, I dunno,” she finally looked up at him. “So what can I do for you?” she smiled.  
“You already know, don’t you?”  
“Just tell her, it’s all you can do in this situation.”  
“It never feels like the right time.”  
“It’s always the right time. You never know if the next time you part, it’ll be the last time you see her. If she knows, then she knows she’s not alone and that’s the best feeling you can ever give someone.”  
“Maybe you’re right.”  
“I’m always right, have you learnt nothing?” she smirked playfully.  
“You’re right, how could I make such a Poe mistake?” he teased.  
“Now come on, you’re not as bad as him,” she winked.  
“Could anyone truly be as bad as him?”  
She pondered in false thought. “Nah, he’s definitely the biggest nerf herder around,” she grinned.  
“But he is your nerf herder,” he teased.  
Her cheeks flushed hot and she couldn’t stop that dreamy smile coming to her lips.  
“So you really think I should tell her?”  
“Yes, and I’m not telling you again.”  
“You do have a real knack for telling it straight,” he snorted.  
“What’s the point in half truths and meaningless words when we don’t know how much time we have left? Grab everything you can. Be honest. Live now, not tomorrow,” she took his hand with a smile.  
“Explain to me how you’re not a commander,” he grinned.  
“Someone’s gotta fix all the crafts around here.”  
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, you’ve fixed more than crafts.”  
“You’re right, I fix droids too,” she gave him a cheeky wink.  
“You’re impossible, no wonder he loves you,” he muttered to himself.  
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” she gave him a pointed look. “Now get outta here, you got people to talk to, I got parts to repair,” she started shooing him out.  
“Alright, I’m going,” he let out a sigh, not wanting to, but knowing he had to.

He left with a chuckle as she stood up, chasing him out like he was a rogue porg trying to burrow into one of her crafts, grinning all the while so he knew that wasn’t in anger, just wanting him to face what he needed to speak to Rey about. Now she could get back to work, tinkering with the innards of the craft with care and attention, each small spark bringing it closer to the perfectly tuned X-Wing she would fly in all its glory. The excitement bubbled inside of her and it seemed the anxiety and pessimism had finally faded away after all of this time. She couldn’t place her finger on why that was the case, and while she wanted to say it was because of the people she now had around her, she couldn’t. She was still terrified of losing them and she would never want to let them down. Something about this felt more like it was the galaxy called to her, pulling her to do this.

Across the base, Jal was currently dozing in the bunk next to Beaumont’s, his bunk covered in open books and loose pages as he tried to figure out the last clue to this puzzle. Jal had tried to help him through the night, but eventually, his mind gave up and his body shut down and fell asleep. He wasn’t book smart, never had been, but puzzles were his expertise and Beaumont had told him that sometimes translations were like solving them because even if you had some of the pieces, you could still figure it out. He did feel somewhat bad for falling asleep, but had honestly got to the point where he just felt like he wasn’t helping. Beaumont let out a loud sigh as he pushed one of the books away, which woke Jal up slowly as he blinked at him bleary eyes.

“You still doing that?”  
“I have to, it could help so much right now.”  
“But have you even taken a break?” he sat up on the edge of his bed.  
No response.  
“You’ve been staring at it for too long, you need to refresh,” he offered a warm smile.  
“I napped,” he still didn’t look up.  
“For how long?”  
“Like… twenty minutes. It’s fine.”  
“It’s not, you really need to sleep properly, you make so many mistakes when you’re not rested, trust me.”  
“But I can’t… if I stop, then it means this doesn’t get done.”  
“You’re not stopping, you’re taking a step back. The more you stare at something, the more you fall into the same patterns. Please, just take a break, for me?” he reached across and took Beaumont’s hand.

He sighed because he knew Jal was right, but he was trying so hard not to give up right now. The moment that he stopped doing all of this was the moment that none of it got done because he was the only one that was able to do this. Then again, he knew that a break would probably help right now since he seemed to be reading the same pages over and over again and nothing changing. Finally he looked to Jal and was able to smile for the first time since he buried his head in these books the night before. He squeezed Jal’s hand ever so softly and gave him a defeated smile, closing some of the books and making a move to finally leave the bunk house and go for a short walk around the base.

As soon as they were both out in the fresh air, it was like they were finally renewed and Beaumont could feel his head clearing ever so slightly. As he closed the door behind them, he offered his hand, coyly smiling as Jal took it and the two of them started their stroll. The two of them had become almost inseparable since they found each other and it had been somewhat of a blessing in a few different ways. Of course it was really nice to simply have someone around who cared about you in such a close way, but also, sometimes Beaumont needed the help to get out of his own head when he started going round and round with one theory. For Jal it had been a very good excuse to spend less time in the workshop and avoid Poe and Anna, but also it was just nice for him to have something for himself, something that he didn’t have to share with anyone else.

“So what did you do before you joined the Resistance?” Beaumont queried.  
“Not a lot really. I was kind of a wild child, you know?” Jal chuckled. “When you rebel so much, it only ends up making sense to join a professional rebellion, you know,” he grinned.  
“Oh, a bad boy?” he nudged him.  
“I just didn’t care about anything. I ran with one of the gangs back on Bespin, nothing too bad, well, not that I got caught for,” he winked.  
“How did you end up in the Resistance then?”  
“Pickpocketed the wrong person,” he chuckled.  
“Really? Who was it?” he was invested in this story.  
“Alister, Anna’s dad,” he grinned mischievously. “He gave me a little pep talk, you know, telling me that I needed to really think about my future because there wasn’t one with what I was doing. You know, the thing that Resistance fighters are good at and made me really think. I didn’t have much else going for me and the Resistance seemed like a really good move. I mean, it’s pretty hard to get a job when all you’re good at is petty crimes,” he laughed awkwardly. He’d never really spoke much about his past.  
“That moment changed a lot for you then?”  
“Just a little bit… I don’t know where I’d be without that moment…”  
“Well, you wouldn’t be holding my hand, that’s for sure,” he smiled.  
“You make a very good point,” he squeezed his hand tighter. “Sorry I’m not more help though,” he said a little sadly.  
“You are, you’re keeping me distracted so I don’t go nuts,” he smiled.  
“I just never really was good with the whole, you know, reading and books and whatever,” he shrugged one shoulder.  
“Maybe not, but you’re better at a lot of other things I’m useless at.”  
“I guess that’s what makes this whole rag tag bunch the best Resistance there ever was,” he finally beamed a smile.

Whenever Jal smiled, it was like the whole galaxy was alight and it was just for him, just his small beacon of light that could keep him going through everything. He pulled him closer and kissed him softly on the lips, another small moment that he could hold in his heart and cling to when he was killing himself over more books and papers. There was something about the small moments that always gave him inspiration or kept him from completely losing himself in another project. Jal was the person who kept reminding him to take time out, to step back and breathe and go into it with a clear head. He was the one who helped him figure out so many things, even if they were inadvertently, they were very important moments.

“We all have our things, you know? Some are good at fighting, some are good at books, and all these pieces are all over the base and when you smash them together, it works, it all makes sense,” Jal mused.  
“You’re a genius!” he exclaimed quickly, kissing his and rushing off.

Most people would probably see that as a snub and be a little bit upset by the whole thing, but Jal was just happy that he could help out in anyway and that Beaumont was able to solve his puzzle now. He was going to leave him to it for the time being, feeling that he would only get in the way for the time being, but would definitely try and check in with him after a while. He turned, a goofy smile still on his lips as he turned around, making his way over to the workshop, wondering if he would catch Anna and Poe at something that he would really rather not see. Ever. Of course he was happy they were together, but he could really do without constantly catching them making out like horny teenagers. But this time, she was alone with her X-Wing, still tinkering and he couldn’t stop himself from shaking his head.

“You need to stop playing with that thing.”  
“I’m nearly finished, honest.”  
“You said that two weeks ago,” he snorted. “Is this a distraction technique?”  
“No… I just need it to be perfect.”  
“You and I both know a craft is never perfect,” he sighed. “Why has it got to be perfect?”  
“It just has,” she let out a frustrated sigh.  
“You’re gonna fly again, aren’t you?” he approached slowly.  
“We need all the crafts in the air that we can, I can fly, it’s only logical.”  
“Are you ready?” he asked simply.  
“Yes,” she answered, defiant.

That was all he needed to hear to know that she really was ready and that he had set Poe into a spiral of worrying for no reason. Things around here were always more simple than people wanted to believe and for some reason, he just didn’t want to accept that she was ready. Maybe there was something in him that was scared; he’d seen so many people leave the base and that they wouldn’t come back and that’s the main reason he didn’t want her to fly again. It was selfish, he knew it, but if there was one thing he really didn’t want to lose, it was everything he had built with her. They’d been partners in crime for such a long time and they’d been bonded by all of this, no matter what happened, he would always see her as the sister that the galaxy had blessed him with, but now he knew, he knew he had to believe in her.

“What can I do to help?” he finally offered.

The two of them began working in the way that they always did, able to navigate the work without ever speaking to each other and everything flowing beautifully. They were a well oiled machine when they worked together and it was why things were always fixed quickly and efficiently. This was one thing that they were both going to miss once this was all over. Friends and relationships would be able to withstand this war ending, but this time together; they were never going to be able to relive this outside of this situation because it was unlikely that they were ever going to have to fix crafts on a constant basis. He stopped as he looked at her, realising that there was a chance that they were actually finished. She stopped as well and finally looked at him and without a word, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him closely.

There was always a weird moment of utter joy that a project was complete and then absolute exhaustion. The two of them sat down, Anna back onto her chair and Jal on the edge of the workbench and it was done. Stillness washed over the workshop as the two of them regained their breath and then normal service returned as the two of them grinned and started chatting about all the little things that didn’t really matter, but they were always things they enjoyed talking about. Jal avoided bringing up anything to do with the conversation that he had with Beaumont, just wanting to avoid the heavy deep stuff for this moment, enjoying the lightness of all of this.

It wasn’t long until Dax returned to the workshop, completely unseen and unheard until he cleared his throat, smiling as Anna looked up at him finally and gave him a playful tap on the hip. Jal gave him a little smile and a firm pat on the arm and then left, feeling that maybe now was the time to check in with Beaumont to see if he’d got any further with his investigation. Dax smiled and made himself comfortable on the other chair in the workshop, taking a moment before he spoke to her to compose himself. They had been given a coded message to meet with someone who would pass them the message they had from their inside man. It meant that they were meeting tomorrow and that there would be an awful lot happening over the next few days and it could mean that he wouldn’t get to see her for a while, or even ever again.

“Good news?” she sounded somewhat hopefully.  
“Depends who you ask,” he joked sadly.  
“Did you get more information?” she asked him, excitement bubbling in her.  
“We’ve got a drop point with the insider.”  
“If it’s something good, this could be it, this could be the final push.”  
“Yeah, it could,” his voice melancholic.  
“I thought you would be more enthusiastic about this,” she was utterly confused.  
“So did I,” he sighed. “For the first time, I feel scared,” he was so quiet.  
“And how does that work?” she shuffled her chair closer to him and took his hand.  
“I’ve never been scared of dying, I never had anyone to care about enough.”  
“Oops,” she said with a grin.  
“It’s all your fault, it really is,” he said, sadness and gladness in his voice.  
“I would say sorry, but I’m totally not.”  
“Typical little sister, always getting your way and not having to be responsible.”  
“And it’s why you love me,” she said in a little sing song tone.  
“I do, and it’s really ruining this bad guy exterior,” he gave her a playful glare.  
“Ah, we all knew you were a big softie underneath all of this,” she put an arm around him. “It’s alright to be scared, I’m always scared.”  
“Don’t trust me to look after Poe?”  
“I trust you more than anyone else to look after the man I love,” she smiled kindly. “Doesn’t mean I’m still not scared sometimes, I just refuse to let it win.”  
“It won’t, hope will win,” he took her hand.

Before Poe could walk into the workshop, he had to try and find Finn and talk to him to see if he could get him to come with him tomorrow. He needed his best men around him for this moment of the Resistance and he wanted Finn there. Of course his hopeful side didn’t expect that anyone would be the wiser and they would be able to get away with this, but he had to plan and he was one of the best shots in the Falcon, he wanted them there, even if it was just as a safety blanket. He caught the ex-stormtrooper deep in thought as he sat against one of the walls of the workshop, not sure how long he’d been there, but pretty sure he hadn’t moved for a while.

“You alright down there, bud?” he asked, squatting down and putting his elbows on his knees.  
He was caught in thought, looking up at him startled and then smiling weakly. “Yeah, I’m alright,” he nodded.  
“I need you to get your head in the game, I want you with me tomorrow,” he offered his hand.  
“Of course, you didn’t even have to ask,” he took Poe’s hand firmly.  
“Get some rest.”

Poe slowly stood back up with ease and pulled Finn up to his feet. Feeling exceptionally sentimental, he took him into a tight hug, patting his back and then ordering him to get more rest again. They needed to stay sharp and keep their head in the game if they were going to get in and out with the information they needed. As he watched Finn walk away, he placed his hands on his hips, taking a hard look at the base they had all built together and swelling with pride. After a small smile, he made his way back into the place that felt like home, his heart warming as he watched Anna and Dax hugging tightly.

“Did you convince her to come with us tomorrow?” Poe asked from the doorway.  
“I’m sorry, what?” she was caught of guard.  
“Tomorrow, I want you with us, the Falcon has repairs that still haven’t been done, there’s no mechanic I trust more than you to fix it in the air.”  
“Why did no one tell me?” Anna was suddenly angry.  
“I guess they thought they could handle it themselves,” Poe grumbled.  
Before she could get too angry, she shook her head. “I can’t… you need to take someone more experienced with that stuff,” she looked away. “Plus, you could really do without the distraction,” she smirked.  
“She makes a very good point,” Dax looked at Poe.  
“You won’t change your mind, will you?”  
“No, but I’ll still be here when you get back,” she smiled, standing up and taking his hand.  
“At least give me a chance to get out of here before you two start… doing whatever it is that you do,” Dax huffed.  
“Aw, you don’t wanna see your sister make out with her swain?” she smirked, looking at him as she put her arms around Poe.  
“You two disgust me.”  
“Might wanna leave us to it then,” Poe grinned at Dax as he put his hands on her hips.  
“When this war is over, I am moving so far away from you two,” he said as he left the workshop.  
“He loves it really,” Anna giggled.  
“No I don’t,” he called from outside.

Poe and Anna were like naughty children near enough all the time, both of them becoming a real duo of trouble makers who were unbearable to be around unless you really had your wits around you. If they weren’t constantly holding hands and kissing between words, they were whispering and giggling about things that people had no clue about. There was an innocence about their relationship that Dax really did admire and was happy that his sister had something that pure that she could hold onto and keep close, but he couldn’t lie that it was just something he couldn’t be around too long. But that’s what relationships were, Poe and Anna’s love wasn’t meant to include anyone else, or make others feel better, it was for them to feel when they were close. He made sure to slam the door closed so they both know he was all the way out and definitely gone.

“I bet he does,” Poe smirked.

He took a moment just to take everything in. Seeing her wearing his jacket once more after all of this time really played on his mind, wondering if this was a sign that she was ready for them to move the relationship forward that little bit more. Of course, she’d worn his clothes before around the base, but this was different, this was something more. It was the jacket that he wore most of the time, rarely seen without it apart from when he either forgot it or felt it would be dangerous to wear it. But it was also the jacket he gave to her, the one that had been a peace offering for the love bite, but the one she returned after his betrayal. Maybe she hadn’t thought, but that was doubtful; Anna was always too inside of her own head for her to wear something that would remind her of such an awful moment, a moment she still refused to talk about because she was coming around to forgive him for it.

“Did thine ears deceive me, but did you call me your swain?” he asked playfully.  
Her nose wrinkled. “I guessed it was about time,” he lips danced playfully into a smile. “Don’t let it go to your head, Dameron.”  
“Too late, Rodgas,” he grinned.

Nerves were new to him, and yet they started to bubble up ever so slightly as he pulled her closer and dipped down to kiss her gently on the lips. He had controlled himself up until this point, but was starting to think that maybe now was the time he wouldn’t be able to resist any more as she kissed him back, pulling him down ever so slightly. Her fingers tangled in his hair, playing absently with it as she began to trail kisses down his jaw line and then to his throat, her teeth scraping against the skin and he let out a satisfied mumble. He had to keep it together, he had to stop himself from pushing his way in, so simply put his hands on the small of her back, bringing her closer. Almost teasing him, she bit him gently, sucking on skin as she traced a line down his spine with her fingertips.

He shivered, his hands trembling ever so slightly as he resisted as much as he could. She pulled back and looked up at him with a wicked smirk, one that made him want her so much, but he couldn’t, he shouldn’t. She went back to her workbench, tidying it up a little bit and he licked his lips, waiting for his senses to remind him that they were taking it slow, that they were being sensible about all of this, but it never came. Instead, his hands gripped her hips as he began to hungrily kiss her neck, sloppy and passionate, finally letting his physical desire for her take over. She had thought she would have at least flinched, but instead, she leant into him, already knowing where this was all going and actually ready for this.

One of his hands rested on her throat, holding her close as each kiss became more of a suckle while his other hand slipped down but stayed above her clothes, already able to feel the warmth coming from between her legs. Her little moan sent a rush to his head as he was finally able to come up to breathe and she reached around to place a hand on the back of his neck, her desire rising as she could feel his breath on her neck. With a deft hand, he untied the sleeves around her waist, and shifted away from her for a second so the overalls could drop to the floor. They were both ready for this. His fingers carefully snuck under her underpants, his fingers running along her slickness, finally pushing inside with one finger.

His finger started to stroke her inside, smiling against her skin as he began to kiss her neck softly this time, becoming more passionate with every little moan that she made. She was finally able to let him back in and part of her with angry with herself for waiting so long, forgetting how good he could make her feel. The physical desire of him had always been there, just she had been better at suppressing it than he was, but right now, she couldn’t, simply craving his skin next to hers, her back arching slightly as she could feel a wave of pleasure course through her. Then was when she could feel him slip in another finger, the feeling of him stroking with just the right amount of pressure to cause her breath to hitch ever so slightly.

Everything about her drove him wild and as he could feel her against him, the bulge in his pants started to grow and he tried to keep it together, but couldn’t, finally letting out a strained groan, his fingers moving quicker as his grip around her throat tightened slightly. She let out a little whimper as she could feel her body aching for him and she pushed against him, her head resting against his chest. He started to slow down his motions, pulling away from her as he finally removed his fingers without warning and couldn’t help but smirk when he heard the tiny disappointed huff. Instead of letting him make the choice, she stepped out of her overalls, turned, grabbed his hand, and led him towards the bed and hurriedly, he started to kick off his boots and unbuttoned his pants. 

She laid down on the bed and pulled him by the collar with her, biting his bottom lip and then kissing him as her hands found the back of his neck, all the while he was pushing off his pants, throwing them to the side and sliding a hand under her vest. His hand found her breast, a finger carefully rubbed over the top of her nipple, then a purr escaped her throat as she began to unbutton his shirt, her hands resting on his chest. He wriggled out of his underpants and teased her with just the tip at first and slid inside of her, both moaning in synchronisation, the relief of this finally happening overcoming them. His thrusts started slowly, kissing her deeply as his tongue slipped inside her mouth, tasting her and starting to fight with her tongue. One hand continued to massage her nipple, playing with it between two fingers and the other grabbed her thigh, pulling it up slightly so he could push in deeper.

Both of them found their rhythm quickly, like it was an old habit neither of them had ever given up for all this time. He started to pick up his pace, slamming inside of her as deeply as he could over and over, each time coming with a louder grunt, the pure appetite for her driving him. Her back began to arch again, angling him deeper and causing long moans, her hand gripping his hair tightly as she pulled him back for another kiss, interrupted by another whimper as a feeling began to swell inside of her. He started to tremble slightly in her arms, the build in him finally coming to an end as he came, and he propped himself up to stop from falling limp on top of her. He panted heavily in her ear as she kissed him softly on the neck.

He wasn’t satisfied even if she was delicately stroking his hair now, trying to let him know that it was okay. With a sloppy kiss, he shifted away, kneeling for a moment as he caught his breath and taking in the sight of her with her legs resting open, still wrapped up in his jacket. He licked his lips and leant in, kissing her thigh delicately by the scar, moving the kisses to the inside of her thigh and then across to between her legs. His tongue ran along her slit and then pressed inside, smirking as he felt her hand on the back of his head, knowing that she was okay with this. He took in her scent, licking her roughly as he continued to press his tongue inside of her, the taste driving him to grab her thigh roughly.

A little murmur echoed through the workshop and he let his tongue explore her before it began to roughly press against her clit. The fingertips of his free hand started to push back inside of her, starting to massage her insides as he tried to find the right spot. He could feel her muscles tensing slightly, realising that he was getting close and began to roughly rub inside her as he started to suckle, little animalistic noises escaping from him. As he could hear her moans becoming more and more breathless, he became relentless, not letting up at all as her legs clamped around his ears, just able to still hear the muffled moans. Her muscles tensed violently as he finally hit that spot, biting her lip but still letting a strained cry of his name. He could feel her muscles fluttering around his fingers as they pulsed and then began to calm, carefully removing his fingers from her heat as her body shook ever so slightly. He placed one last delicate kiss before finally coming up for air, his chin dripping as he once more licked his lips.

She fought to catch her breath as her eyes fluttered open and she quickly sat up, catching him in a kiss before he could do anything else. While they busied themselves with more kisses, she slipped his shirt off and threw it aside and he laid her back down. He wished that they could just do this for the rest of their lives, and if he wasn’t so exhausted, he would. The worry of the mission he had to do had completely escaped his mind and all he could think about was her and making her satisfied with anything she asked him. His hand rested on her cheek wanting nothing more than to do it all over again but his body betrayed him, letting out a stifled yawn. She couldn’t help but giggle, her hand stroking his face and gave him that look telling him that it was okay, he didn’t need to keep giving her everything he had. 

Giving in, he rolled off her, laying down with a huff as he then watched her take the jacket off for a more comfortable sleep and then also taking off her vest. The two of them were now completely skin to skin and he couldn’t help but think this was what absolute bliss was. Once more, they found themselves in their usual position, his arm underneath her, resting on her back to hold her close as she placed her head on his chest and draping an arm over him. His free hand rested on her hip as she found herself draping a leg over him, pressing them as close together as it was humanly possible to get. As he drifted off in her arms, he could feel her lips against his skin, a sleepy moan drifting from him as he tried his hardest to stay awake, but he just couldn’t do it any more and finally dropped off just as she pulled the blanket over them both.

Of course she couldn’t sleep right now, her heart was pounding so fast in her chest that was she surprised it wasn’t keeping him awake. It was an adrenaline rush of everything happening in a way she just never expected. Sometimes she tried to planned out her life in head, and none of this was supposed to happen until after the war, she wasn’t going to let him until she was sure that this was going to last. All this time going slow had built up the feeling inside of herself of how much she really did love him, this wasn’t just lust or some kind of misplaced emotions because they’d been thrown together. This was real and with the impending mission, she just wasn’t sure if they would get to have this moment after the war. She couldn’t spend the next few months being close to him and not showing him how much he meant to her just because she had a predetermined idea of what the future was going to look like.

She peered up at him for a moment, her heart finally slowing and she could catch her breath. Even though she knew he was asleep, she couldn’t resist placing another kiss upon his skin, appreciating him in the glow of the moonlight and hoping that he would always come back to her side. She tried her hardest not to dwell on that too much, knowing that she would make herself sad thinking about how she could lose him. But right now, she felt warm and safe in his arms, snuggling up to him a little closer as she felt the tiredness of the day finally washing over her. She didn’t fight it any longer, her eyes closing as she fell asleep in his arms, they would deal with tomorrow when it happened.


	19. Spinning Around I'm Weightless

The sunlight streamed in and cast a warm glow over them, both still asleep in each other’s arms, not showing much sign of stirring any time soon. The rising and falling of his chest was soothing, almost like her own lullaby to keep her content with never having to get out of bed ever again. It just wasn’t to be as Dax ducked under the door frame to wake the couple up, oblivious to what they’d been up to until he caught a glimpse of their nude bodies barely covered by the blanket. He snapped his eyes shut tightly and turned around, how he wished he could unsee that right now. He coughed loudly, trying to wake them up and hoping they had, but when he didn’t hear any movement, he guessed he had to change tact.

“Wakey, wakey, be less nakey!” he exclaimed loudly, refusing to turn around.  
Anna grumbled, burying her head closer into Poe.  
“Got a problem with being free of clothes?” Poe grinned, stifling a yawn.  
“Only when it’s my sister and her boyfriend where I can see them…”  
“Should’ve knocked,” Anna murmured.  
“I’m gonna wait outside,” Dax mumbled and walked out, making sure to not look at either of them.

Once the door was shut, the two of them moaned like teenagers being dragged out of bed to do chores, neither of them really wanting to move while in their sleepy haven. As they became more conscious, they both became very aware of what today was and that they would have to say goodbye and it could mean the beginning of something dangerous. They both hurried to wake, the excitement of this suddenly bringing them out of the drowsiness, making them wonder if this was going to be the start of the demise of the First Order. The nerves were still there, the worry that he wouldn’t come back was playing on her mind, but she pushed that all down for the sake of the Resistance. She watched him dress quickly, simply taking her time to admire his form, wondering if today would be their last day together, but still giddy of what today could bring, life filling her soul.

“Get out there, rebel scum,” she grinned, raising a hand and slapping his butt.

He let out a little ‘hey’, grinning as he turned around and saw her still lying in bed. She was beautiful and once this day was over, he couldn’t wait to come back to her and never leave her side again. He couldn’t resist slipping back to her side, stealing one last kiss before he left the workshop to gather his group to get that information from the spy. A renewed energy pulsed through him as he clapped Dax on the shoulder, perhaps a little harder than he had intended, but Dax barely flinched, finally looking up and giving him a nod and a slight smile. At least him and Anna had finally sorted themselves out and maybe he wouldn’t have to put up with the pent up frustrations inside of his co-pilot. The two of them boarded the Falcon with the others and they were off.

Their contact had been someone that Dax trusted, the main reason that he was sure that this wouldn’t be false information, Boolio may not have always been on the right side of the law, but he was an honourable man. The Falcon cruised through on hyperspeed to their destination and he had just enough time to reflect on the things that he could lose if they messed this mission up and so he was going to do his best to make sure that it went smoothly. He had never been one to work in a team and certainly had never risked his life for another person, but if it meant that the Resistance would fight to see another day, he was going to do it, no matter what it entailed. He had gone from a gun for hire to a man with integrity, he didn’t know who his father was, but part of him had started to feel that Alister was the father figure looking at him with pride.

He could hear Poe and Finn mumbling amongst themselves and the familiar frustrated noises from Chewie, concluding that they were engaged in a game of holochess, something he had never seen the appeal of, but was the only thing onboard to engage with. He lifted his gaze to watch as Chewie took time to think about his next move, Poe and Finn trying to hurry the wookiee and he couldn’t help but let out a small snort. Then they were coming out of hyperspeed, Chewie leaving the board as Poe and Finn agreed they wouldn’t turn off the game, but of course Poe turned it off, resetting the board for the next time they came back to it. Dax shook his head.

“You never beat a wookiee at chess, how do you not know that?” he scoffed as he approached the hatch to see his old friend.  
The hatch opened as they lined up with Boolio’s craft. “Dax! You Resistance now?”  
“Looks like it, pal,” he smiled. “Know what you have?”  
“Intelligence from an insider, that’s all I know,” he threw down the connector.  
“We can use all the help we can get,” he said, plugging it into R2 so they could download the message.

He couldn’t explain why it happened, but he could feel a sudden knot in his stomach, and as he cast a glance up, he could just about make out TIE Fighters on their way. Poe called out and asked how much longer they had, and they were close, but this wasn’t going to be the smooth getaway he hoped for. Finn made his way down to the gunner’s station and Dax stood poised, waiting. It was done, a flurry of action kicked off as he unplugged the connector and threw it back up to Boolio, giving him a respectful head nod.

“Hurry up and win this war, Valen,” Boolio ordered before going off to make his own escape.

Now all they had to do was outrun the TIE Fighters and hope that they could shake them before they got to base or they were captured. Chewie and Poe piloted the Falcon, currently outrunning the enemy, Finn began to shoot at them, and Dax couldn’t help but feel ever so slightly useless. Poe had wanted him there as more of a good luck charm than anything and look at how much that had worked out, it had to be something to do with his mother; she was the real curse. He watched as Finn took out a structure that fell onto a few of the pursuing crafts and now knew this was going to be up to Poe to fly them out of this.

With a few long strides, he was in the cockpit, looking between Chewie, who seemed to not agree with Poe’s plan, and Poe adamant that it would work, this was oddly familiar. Then he heard it; lightspeed skipping. Before he could protest, the flyboy was already off on his heroics, skipping through planets and having a few near misses, but thankfully having some of the best reflexes that he’d ever seen. In the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but hear Anna shouting at both of them, telling them to stop being so reckless and most of all to actually consider for one second if they hadn’t made it back to base. Then the absolute devastation of the state they would bring the Falcon in, he would have said something, but he knew that Poe wouldn’t have even listened if he tried right now, the stubborn pilot was always in the right. 

They lost the last of the TIE Fighters in the mouth of a creature and they were home free, not that he wanted to know the kind of welcome they would get since trashing the Falcon after doing something that they all knew was dangerous considering the current state of the ship. It was a bumpy landing, but they came into Ajan Kloss eventually, even if it was somewhat damaged and a mess. Chewie was clearly distressed, already expressing how unimpressed he had been with Poe’s actions and that was just the beginning of it. He could already see Poe and Rey arguing over the state of things and he slinked off in the background, seeing if he could see Anna, wishing he had told her something before he had left. As soon as he spotted her, he enveloped her in a massive bear.

“Dax, I love you, but please let me breathe,” she joked.  
“Sorry,” he mumbled as he let go of her a little.  
“Flyboy did too many heroics?” she cooed at him, a furrow appearing as she looked at the state of the Falcon.  
“Lightspeed skipping,” he smiled nervously, knowing that could get Poe into trouble.  
“He what?!” she started to take off.  
Dax grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. “Rey’s got it,” he chuckled. “I just… I wanna say something.”  
“What is it?” she sounded a little concerned.  
“I love you,” he finally said.  
She softened, taking him back into the hug. “I love you more,” she grinned.  
“Don’t start,” he shook his head, pretending he wasn’t grinning.  
“I have to, I’m your little sister,” she punched him playfully.  
Suddenly she felt arms around her from behind. “I wish you’d been out there with us,” he purred in her ear.  
She turned and batted him away with the rag in her hand. “No you don’t, I would have ended you if you lightspeed skipped with the resistors in the state they’re in.”  
“But you could’ve fixed them while we were doing it,” he flashed a charming smile.  
She rolled her eyes. “Not the point.” She bit her lip slightly. “But you got the message, right?”  
“Being decoded as we speak,” a serious tone returning.

This could be it, this could be the whole thing they needed to make everything go their way and it was in touching distance. They all suddenly seemed oddly nervous, especially for them. Poe’s hands held onto her hips for another moment as she quickly kissed him on the cheek with a smile. They were going to be alright. In a change of mood, she looked down at BB who currently seemed to missing a panel. She shook her head and had the droid follow her to somewhere that was a little less busy so she could fix them up and make sure that they were mission ready if they had to accompany all of them.

People began to gather as it seemed that the message had been decoded and they had to move to do something quickly. The news was that Palpatine was gaining power and for some reason, that didn’t seem like news to Anna. Her hand still found it’s way to Poe’s, knowing what this would mean because there was no way he was just going to sit on his hands and wait. The First Order planned to release a fleet of Star Killers to destroy as many planets as possible in sixteen hours and they had to stop this, they had to figure out anything to make sure that they could keep the galaxy safe. They were going to murder entire civilisations and Anna could already begin to feel her blood boiling, her other hand clenching to a fist and thoughts escaping.

Exegol seemed like the best place to aim for, but the main problem was that it had never been charted and the only people who knew where it was were Sith. Beaumont chimed in, explaining that it had been mentioned in the texts, that there was something about it, but no one had found the place where it was, it was a mystery planet that even the Jedis hadn’t been able to find. Rey clicked, Luke had been on the search for the Wayfinder, the thing they needed to find Exegol and had been on the trail of one, but hadn’t found it. If they picked that trail back up, there was a chance that they could find it and then they would be able to locate the Sith planet. Pasaana would be the place to look.

She wanted to go alone, she wanted to do this by herself and not put anyone else in danger, but she forgot how much the people on this base cared and would never let anyone ever do something alone. Finn told her that they were coming and she could protest all she wanted, but it wasn’t going to change that they were going to go with her. Going alone for a mission had never really been a great idea for anyone as there were always times you needed someone else to lean on, no matter who you were. Finn would never let her go out there alone especially since he knew she would never ask for the help she needed, never wanting to put her friends in danger.

BB beeped sadly as they nudged Anna’s legs, looking up at her as she finally looked away from her job on the Falcon and at them. She nodded, she knew she had to do it even if she didn’t want to right now. she was ready to take on the whole galaxy if she had to, but she just didn’t want him to be the one doing it because losing him after all of this would shatter her. Saying goodbye was going to make it too real and she wanted to avoid it, but as BB continued to push her towards Poe, she guessed she didn’t have much choice in this matter. She took his hand as he placed supplies onto the ship, stopping as soon as he felt her there and turned, bringing her into a tight hug.

“Come with us,” he finally said as he drew back from the hug.  
“I can’t, I’m needed here, I need to look through specs and figure out the best approach for an attack.”  
“Be here when I come back?”  
“I promise,” she smiled. “Oh, you left your jacket, did you want it?” she asked, knowing how attached to that thing he was sometimes.  
“Keep it, just in case,” his voice laced with sadness.  
“Just… just come back,” she couldn’t look at him.  
He never thought it would be this hard. “I promise,” he kissed her softly on the cheek.

Before either of them knew what was happening, her arms were around his neck and she kissed him deeply, praying that this wasn’t the last time that she was ever going to see him. Just as quickly as she kissed him, she moved away, unable to stick around before she started to let things get the better of her. Yes, she wanted to cry more than anything else, but she didn’t have time, she couldn’t sit here and indulge, she had to get to work and start to see if they could come up with a plan. She disappeared from view in the crowd of people, busying herself with her own brand of heroics.

“Last chance,” Finn offered Rose, knowing that having someone else he trusted could be nothing but good.  
“I need to stay here, there’s a lot to go through,” she gave him a firm nod.

Rose felt that she would be of most use here since she wasn’t entirely ready for another adventure like the other and going back to her true expertise. There was another part of her that was a little worried of being around Dax in this situation and seeing a side of him that she just wouldn’t be able to deal with. But there was another part of her that wanted to be here to support Anna, her feelings being betrayed as she looked at her fellow mechanic with a tiny sad smile. Finn knew that this was rough for everyone, and that Anna had a lot more baggage than he would ever understand and the words from months ago about the future with Poe not being possible played in his mind. He gave her a firm nod and a smile, letting her go to her friend while he tried to get his head into the mission, knowing that they would have to be as careful as possible. He took one last look at the base that they had spent so long building and boarded the craft, wondering if it was the last time that he would see some of these people.

Chewie and Poe flew the Falcon to the coordinates they were given and they were soon landing on the dessert planet of Pasaana, an otherwise baron planet where a festival seemed to be occurring, something big. They came off the ship one by one and looked to the celebrations, nerves rippling through the group as it seemed to be the first hitch that wouldn’t be the last. 

“The Aki-Aki Festival of the Ancestors! This celebration only occurs once every forty two years!” 3PO excitedly exclaimed.  
“No way! Always wanted to go to one of these,” Dax became a giddy child.  
“Just keep your wits about you,” Poe rolled his eyes slightly.

No one else seemed to be as interested in the cultural experience this would be and he guessed he could understand it, but when you spent most of you life in danger, what was one more mission. Dax let his excitement be put out slightly by the fact that everyone else was tense, remembering that sometimes he really did need to try and read the emotions of other people and that they were used to the pressures of missions having to go perfectly. He looked around the horizon, noting that there weren’t any patrols around just yet, but they were going to have to be careful, it would only take one person to say something and they would be in a lot of trouble. Though deep down, he wasn’t worried in the slightest, he knew that they had complete control over this situation.

They explored the planet, looking out for something that would look vaguely like something Skywalker would have been looking for, but nothing caught his eye. Instead he was drawn to the group of children currently watching a small puppet show. He had never had anything like this, no moments of joy from his childhood to reflect on when he was in times of sadness. He didn’t want to dwell, but his brain started to fall down the rabbit hole of what he would see when his life flashed before his eyes and before all of this had happened, it would have been loneliness and anger. Despite almost a year of spending time with some of the most incredible people, he still wasn’t able to let go of all of the anguish from his past. Why couldn’t his mother have been someone different who loved him? Or why couldn’t he have been lucky like Anna and have a father who wanted him? Instead he was discarded, sold for some quick money like he didn’t matter.

The faint vision of a stormtrooper passed in the distance and his back straightened as he let the emotions drop from him and he was back to the menace who stormed around and was ready to kill without a word. His pace quickened as he made towards Poe and Finn who he could see currently still looking around them. Rey approached from behind and announced they needed to get out of there and before Dax could report on them having company, the stromtrooper announced himself but was swiftly shot by a stranger who told them to follow him. Usually he wasn’t in the habit of getting into any vehicle with someone he didn’t trust, but he guessed that this was one of those times he would have to bend the rules.

Lando Calrissian had been the person to save them and since Chewie was instantly comfortable with this person, Dax didn’t need anything else said. Conversations happened around him that he wasn’t really paying attention to, hand on his blaster as he kept an eye on the outside world, just in case, but soon enough, a consensus had been met and they made their way towards some speeders so they could make their way a lot quicker across the dessert to make sure that they could get to their destination before they were completely swarmed by stormtroopers.

Word of their discovery on Pasaana made it’s way back to the rebel base as Snap told them what was happening, Anna instantly looking up from the blueprints, the pull to do something growing stronger. Leia asked Snap to stay optimistic, but it was too late, the bad news was already creating a slight sense that this was the moment the Resistance was going to fall. They had been here before and Anna refused to let that be something that was going to get under the skin of the people around her. As long as the feeling of hope and the spirit of the Resistance survived, this was never going to be over. Before Rose could react, Anna left the table and approached Leia.

“I can go there, I can run interference, let me help them,” she stood defiantly before the general.  
Leia couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle. “It’s okay, Anna, they have this handled, I believe in them,” she smiled.  
“So do I, but if they need help, I can give it to them.”  
“You need to stay here, please,” her tone shifted, almost worried.  
“I need to help him,” her voice cracked ever so slightly.  
“And you will, just not right now,” Leia reached up and touched her cheek softly.

She was right and Anna hated it when she was. The one thing that she always hated Poe for doing was the exact thing that she was currently considering, wanting nothing more than to just jump into the X-Wing and fly off. She finally gave in and nodded, agreeing to stay on base so she could do what she was supposed to be doing right now, and yet she still felt sick. She wanted to go back to her workshop and throw things, kick things, absolutely trash the room because there was nothing that she could do except sit down and wait for him to come back safely. But instead, all she could do was sit back down at the table and go back to studying the specs of the Star Killers, slowly noticing the flaws in the ships.

A warm hand found its way to hers and she looked up to see the kind smile of Rose shining at her. She tried to return it, barely being able to smile back, but it was there, just about. They were both struggling with similar things, both scared they were going to lose people out there, but both of them knew there was nothing that they could do but wait and stay here for each other. Rose could have easily joined the mission, but she didn’t because she was someone who cared and knew that Anna would need someone to keep her at least upright for the day. Adventure was all fine and good, but she wasn’t looking for glory or to be seen as a hero, she was here to look after the people she cared about and right now, that was Anna.

She took a deep breath, and then finally looked up again, this time her smile was a little stronger and squeezed her hand in return. They didn’t have to rush back to the work, for now, they could just calm themselves. Rose carefully enquired about something that she could see on the blueprints and quickly, they were back to avoiding the emotions that they felt and being able to bury them under an information overload, noticing that there was something that if they could target to take out the navigation of the ships, something that could be a real help once they were able to locate the fleet. The two of them shared a hopeful smile as they held each other’s hands tightly.

Dax kept an eye around, hanging at the back of the formation as they left the vehicle and made their way towards the speeders, his blaster now out of its holster and ready. He hit a panel, watching it drop to the sand and then began to play around with the wires inside, jumpstarting the speeder and then before he could do the same for the other one, Poe had already done it, both speeders ready and running for them to make their way towards the ship they needed to explore. He had kept his lips buttoned, but he had become increasingly suspicious of Poe and the things he knew how to do, knowing that none of this had been part of Resistance training, it was signs of something else, but he wasn’t quite able to put his finger on it just yet.

He boarded the speeder with Rey and kept himself positioned towards the back of the craft, his blaster trained on the enemies they currently had chasing them. While everyone else reacted to the stormtroopers with the jet pack abilities, he simply took a deep breath and fired, taking one of them out without even breaking a sweat. He didn’t mean to brag, but picking off a bunch of idiots in white helmets had never been a challenge for him and he really didn’t have to try hard to find ways to outsmart them. It seemed that BB wanted to join in the excitement and tapped at a canister until it took off from the craft and flew into the air, colliding with another stormtrooper.

“Never underestimate a droid,” Rey announced with a grin.

Dax leant down and gave BB a small pat on the head, impressed with the droid’s quick thinking, clearly Poe had some influence on them. It seemed like they were in the clear and they could get back to what they were supposed to be doing, but as they dispatched of the last stormtrooper, the blast threw them off of their speeders and straight into the quicksand. What an undignified ending to all of this. Dax tried to think quick, finding a way out of this, but he had nothing.

He fell through the quicksand, the muffled conversations on the surface fading away as he fell through and into a tunnel system, his brow furrowing quickly and then softening slowly as he realised he was still alive and that was more than he expected. He could see the flailing limps of Poe and stood beneath him, catching him as he finally fell through, if this was the thing that had injured him, he would have never heard the end of it. He shot him a bright grin as he let him jump down from his arms and they recollected the rest of the group, making sure they had everyone around them before they began exploring. Poe produced his torch, looking around the cave, but Rey had a lightsaber, giving out a lot more light and Poe tried to hide the defeated look in his face.

“Hers is bigger, bud,” Dax smirked, saying it just loud enough for only Poe to hear.

He hated how he always did that, all his jabs were always just loud enough for only him to hear, so if he ever reacted, he would seem like a crazy person. He shot Dax a glare, also knowing that if he ever did start a fight with him, he would be crushed almost instantly, and then have to explain everything to Anna. He breathed out, his nostrils flaring with a little anger as he let it go, simply let it wash over him and carry on with the mission. They started to search the tunnels, light glinting off something, a speeder that definitely belonged to the Jedi Hunter they were looking for, 3PO confirming it had a Sith emblem on it. Chances were, he perished down here, and not far from the speeder, they found the body, well, what was left.

“Bones, I don’t like bones,” Poe suddenly sounding like he was going to throw up.  
“Learning a lot about you today,” Dax quipped as he knelt beside the body.

Poe let it go, just letting it wash over him again as he tried not to snip back. Everyone could tell that Poe was in a bad mood and Dax was the only one who would continue to poke at him until he eventually snapped and that was going to be interesting to watch. In the sand, he was searching, seeing if there was anything by the body, clues, something they needed, anything. The bag was mainly rotted away and nothing inside, but he could see something poking through the sand and dusted it off. A dagger. He grabbed it by the blade, presenting the handle to Rey with a small smile as she took it.

He never understood how it worked, but he could see that she was having one of those weird Jedi moments with it, seeing something about it and hoping that maybe it would be the way out of this place. His ears prickled to a rustle behind them, not sure if it was something everyone could hear. There had been a strange inscription on the dagger, something that was translatable if you knew Sith and the only one with that capability was 3PO. And he did, but it was against his protocol to tell them what it said. Poe was unimpressed, letting out his frustrations with a grumble and looking to Dax, as if smashing the droid’s head open would be the answer to this situation.

He heard the noise again and stood up, turning to where he was sure it was coming from, but no one else reacted. Sure enough, everyone else reacted at the next, much louder noise and they all turned to it, Dax’s hand on his blaster, not drawing it just yet. A venix snake before them, hissing angrily as Poe and Finn aimed their blasters at it. Rey approached slowly, her hand outstretched as she turned her saber off and then continued to approach. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes as Poe insisted on shooting it.

They all watched with baited breath as Rey slowly healed the snake’s gaping wound, seeming to calm the beast who slithered away, revealing the sun beaming in through a hole in the caves. Dax couldn’t help but smile, impressed with the light that shone from within Rey. He gave Poe a quick pat on the shoulder, condescending enough to let him know that he was pretty unimpressed with his attempts to blast his way out of every single situation. Now they had to get on that ship, the Falcon too dangerous to return to as the planet would now be crawling with First Order guards. So they made their way to it as quickly as possible.

The ship was a mess, but it was flyable and that was all they needed right now. Rey didn’t board just yet, deciding she had to do something and who was Dax to tell her that they didn’t have time for this. Instead he kept his mouth shut and started to look through the boxes, seeing what they were really dealing with here and if there was anything they could use. Some of the weapons were old tech, but still just as good as the newer ones, subtly slipping one of the smaller blasters into his pack. Finn asked Chewie to get Rey so they could leave soon, they needed to make tracks quickly.

Dax made himself useful as he started to mess around with the exposed engine at the back, knowing vaguely what he was doing from all the time he had spent with Anna and being a surprisingly fast learner. He wasn’t sure if this heap of rust would fly, but this was the only hope they had in this moment and they had to make sure they could do something to get out of here. The engine turned and whirred, but didn’t kick into life. Something he had lovingly dubbed “the Anna love kick” was the next thing he tried, kicking the engine just at the bottom to shift some of the crud around and the engine sputtered to life and they were ready to go.

He turned around just in time to watch as Rey battled to control a transporter with The Force, losing it as she exploded the entire craft in bolts of energy and Dax’s eyes grew wider. Poe ran off the ship and called everyone back trying to get everyone back in as quickly as possible so they could take off as TIE Fighters approached from the other side of the planet. Dax quickly took up the seat in the cockpit, ready to take it up once they were on board, his heart sinking ever so slightly as he realised that Chewie had been on that transporter, that’s why she fought so hard to bring it back. Once they were in the sky and somewhat safe, they gathered together.

“We need to get him back to Anna, she can get the answers out of him,” Dax said sternly.  
“She can’t get answers out of him if he doesn’t have them in the first place,” Poe placed his hands on his hips.  
“What other choice do we have? Don’t you know anyone?” Finn asked Dax.  
“Never had to interrogate a droid, stole their brains, but never had to crack one,” he answered nonchalant.  
“Chewie had the dagger and that was the only thing we had,” Finn sounded somewhat defeated.  
“Chewie didn’t die for nothing, we have to do something!” Poe sighed angrily.  
“3PO, you got the translation in your memory, right?” he already knew the answer.  
“Why yes Master Dax, but I still am not allowed to tell you what it said, the language of the Sith is forbidden for me to translate, it can only be accessed by a complete redacted memory by-pass,” he informed them.  
“A what now?” Finn asked.  
“It’s a simple-” 3PO started.  
“Black market droid stuff, break in, steal the memory, simple,” Dax interrupted, wanting to get to the point a bit quicker.  
“I know someone,” Poe sighed, defeated.  
“You know someone?” Dax raised an eyebrow.  
“Someone on Kijimi could help us,” he finally said. “But… ah, I don’t know,” he suddenly backtracked.  
“What, what’s there to not know, what happened?”  
“Ran into a bit of bad luck on Kijimi…” he trailed off. “But if this mission fails, all we’ve done, all this has been for nothing,” he swallowed his pride.  
“We’re all in this, until the end,” Finn declared, looking between each of them.  
“For Chewie,” Rey finally engaged, taking Finn’s hand.  
“For Chewie,” Finn offered a hand to Poe.  
Poe took the hand in the most awkward way anyone has ever seen. “For Chewie.”  
Rey offered her hand to Dax who took it without question. “For Chewie,” he joined in.  
“Right, Kijimi,” Poe announced and quickly disappeared to the cockpit.

Dax was starting to think that maybe Poe had just as many secrets as he had in this moment, watching as he tried to avoid talking to anyone. Kijimi was a notorious smugglers planet, a place where there were a lot of black market people and for Poe to know someone on that planet didn’t fit his poster boy for the Resistance act. Something was telling him to just drop this and forget about it, but he couldn’t help but let his curiosity take over and just want to know what he was hiding. Over the time they’d spent together, Dax had let drop more than a few stories of what he’d done in the past, things that he hadn’t told anyone else and he couldn’t lie, it kind of hurt that he wouldn’t share this with him.

“So, Kijimi, huh?” he asked casually as he stood in the doorway of the cockpit.  
“It was a long time ago,” Poe replied noncommittally.  
“Lots of shady characters around there, was past Poe a bad boy?” he asked with a smirk.  
“Just drop it, it doesn’t matter.”  
“I thought we were buds, thought we told each other stuff…”  
“We are… it’s just…” he sighed heavily. “I just don’t wanna talk about it, I’m sorry,” he couldn’t look at him.  
“I’ll drop it,” he gave in.

Poe obviously didn’t want to talk about it and he didn’t know why, but he wasn’t going to keep pushing it because he wasn’t as belligerent as he was. If Dax was one to hold grudges, he would have kept badgering him and simply kicked his feet up with a satisfied smirk and told him that know he knew what it was like when he wouldn’t leave his sister alone, but Dax wasn’t that man anymore. Instead, he simply gave him a firm pat on the shoulder and then made his way out of the cockpit and back to the main area of the ship, sitting with Rey and Finn and letting the comfortable silence fill the air as they made their way to Kijimi.


	20. I Walk The Road That You Started

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all, i am sorry this hasn't been updated in a while, but here it is! i'm sorry this might be a bit shaky, i'm trying to get back in the swing of things and hopefully it's not as bad as i think it is.

They landed on the planet and it was already swarming with First Order guards, wondering how they would even know that they were headed to this place or whether this was just a routine thing for this planet now. Dax hadn’t been here for years, the last time was a passing visit and he never remembered seeing this much of a presence. Still, they had to get 3PO to the person that Poe knew and this was the only place, this was their last shot for any of this to work out. And so they made their way through the streets, hoods up and trying to make sure that they avoided anything that looked vaguely like a stromtrooper. If he had known this, he could have brought papers, he could have been of use. 

A blaster appeared from around the corner and rested against Poe’s head, Dax’s hand resting on his own blaster out of instinct. It was an old friend who didn’t seem exactly thrilled to see him. Quick introductions and more threats that Dax could tell were basically empty, she was angry with him, but she wasn’t cold blooded enough to blow his head off, she would have done it by now if she was serious. Then she mentioned the crew and the light went off in Dax’s head, it all started to make sense and he couldn’t help but smirk smugly to himself as he waited for the right moment. Oh, he loved being right.

“Oh, funny he never mentioned it. Your friend’s old job wa-”  
“Running spice,” Dax grinned wildly.  
“You were a spice runner?” Finn was bewildered.  
“You were a stormtrooper,” Poe snipped back.  
“Were you a spice runner?” Rey asked.  
“Were you a scavenger?” he turned to her. “We can do this all night,” he shot a glare at Dax who was still smug as ever.

Then Poe’s old partner recognised Rey, realising that they could get a decent bounty for the Jedi and stupidly, they thought they’d be able to catch her quickly. He didn’t know if it was the cold if they just weren’t as good as this woman tried to make out they were, but they were sloppy and Rey was a hell of a lot quicker, reacting and defending herself without injuring anyone, knocking Zorii to the ground and she yielded to her, agreeing to help them finally. They made their way through the streets as quickly and quietly as possible, avoiding the current troops until they made their way to the base of operations.

He wasn’t sure what it was, but there was something that he didn’t trust about this situation. It wasn’t that he thought that Zorii was going to sell them out, or that they were going to get found out while they waited for the translation, or anything like that, it was something between Zorii and Poe. He assumed that the two of them had history of some kind and he kept telling himself that he wouldn’t do anything, that Poe had more self control than that, and yet he kept coming back to this knot in his stomach. He watched as Zorii stole a glance of Poe and that was it, he couldn’t be here, he excused himself, saying he would go and watch somewhere and found himself a spot on the roof where he could see everything happening. 

He knew that there was always moments that would change your views of a person, and over the last year, all of those moments had been giving him a better impression of Poe, realising that he wasn’t just a show off who thought he was better than everyone else. Poe was a fighter, he was someone who saw injustice and just couldn’t be the man to sit back and watch. He reacted with his gut and his heart and ran into situations headlong because he couldn’t stop himself. All of those things pointed to him coming back to this planet and whatever he had with Zorii taking over his head and he couldn’t watch that happen. While he knew it would break Anna, it would break her more if Dax murdered him mid-mission and they never got the final push the Resistance deserved in this moment. He had to bite his tongue and just wait for all of this to pass around him.

“3PO’s back up and running, we just need to figure out how to get out of here now,” Poe said from behind him.  
“Good, the sooner we’re off this planet, the better.”  
“Nothing to say about figuring it out?” he asked with a chuckle.  
“Does it matter?” his voice dark.  
“Bud, what’s going on?”

Before he could answer, Zorii appeared from behind them and Dax made that as his cue to leave them to it.

“What’s wrong with him?” she asked, moving so he couldn’t shove her aside.  
“No idea,” he watched him for a moment and then looked back at her. “How long has it been like this?” he asked, looking out over the planet he used to call home.  
“Years… First Order took the kids a long time ago, I just can’t stand the cries anymore. I’m going to the colonies…” she produced a First Order medallion, “I can go absolutely anywhere with this,” she pushed the button, flipping up her visor, “wanna come with me?” a flicker of emotion in her voice as she looked at him.  
His brows furrowed slightly as his mind whirred, was he really considering it? “I can’t walk out on this war… not ‘til it’s over…” he swallowed. “Maybe it is.” His heart had sunk as he remembered all the loss, all the people that seemed to have died for nothing as they just fought for survival, never really making a dent in anything that the First Order had. “We sent out a call for help at the Battle of Crait, nobody came. Everyone is so afraid. They’ve given up.”  
“No, I don’t believe you believe that,” she said, looking at him seriously. “They win by making you think you’re alone,” she nodded.  
Even if the Resistance was alone, he wasn’t, he had the best woman in the entire galaxy waiting for him. “Well, there is this one person,” his cheeks flushed barely visibly.  
“She must be special,” she sounded slightly hurt.  
“She’s the reason I keep fighting, she’s why I can’t give up.”

Neither of them had anything else to say, both sitting in the silence for a moment before they both rejoined the group downstairs. Rey walked towards the door, checking on events outside and suddenly she stopped, announcing that Chewie was still there. Of course he was, there was no way that wookiee was going to get this far in a war and perish, he was a survivor. They would have to figure out a way to get onto that carrier and it would include some daring moves.

They made a hasty plan and made their way out of the backroom, making their way towards the flyable ship with a memory wiped 3PO in toe. There was a pause as Poe asked her to come with them and Dax resisted the urge to stop him, but she handed over the medallion, the thing that they could use to get onto that ship and rescue Chewie. With surprising stealth, they got back to the ship and made their way towards that carrier, ready to rescue a wookiee and get that dagger. This mission wasn’t over yet.

Once they were on the ship, their cover was blown and they had to instantly spring into action. While the others went to find Chewie, Dax stayed behind with the craft, happy to hold the fort as they started the rescue mission. If he was honest with himself, it was possibly the best course of action since he could still feel that knot in his stomach telling him that there was something going on between Poe and his old team mate. There was no way that two people had run spice together and nothing happened. Maybe he was over reacting, but he still felt that Poe wasn’t a strong enough man to ever resist an urge and if something happened, he was going to make sure that he was never forgiven this time around.

As he finally pulled himself out of his line of thought, he heard 3PO chattering with a stormtrooper outside the craft and grumbled to himself. He unholstered his blaster and fired from the doorway of the craft, turning to another blaster firing, this one belonging to Rey and smiling at his fellow rebel. She told him that the Falcon was close by and that he should take the droids in that direction and meet the others there and he gave her a small salute before taking off with the droids, finally getting to the Falcon and seeing the other three with a First Order big wig, assuming he was the spy but not really caring all that much, he had other things to think about.

They made their way onto the craft and they slipped into the routine that made them a very good team. Dax told them where Rey was and once they were all ready to go, the flew around the ship, making their way to the dock to make a quick pick up before they could then make their way to the next point. Kef Bir had been the place where the Death Star had fallen and the vault was currently the home to the wayfinder they needed to locate the Sith planet.

It was a bumpy landing thanks to the fact that the landing gears were currently shot and they had no other choice but to simply crash land in the most graceful way possible, something that Poe was pretty good at. It didn’t take long for a landing party to arrive at the crash site to investigate and see who was here and what they wanted on their planet. After they explained that they were here to find something to help defeat the First Order, they seemed pretty willing to help. Once more, Dax stayed away from everyone, his head still reeling as he found a quiet spot away from everyone as they talked about daggers, clues, and wayfinders.

He was trying his hardest to stay professional, to put that barrier back up that he once had that stopped him from feeling emotions and becoming attached to people, but it was failing miserably. This wasn’t just him filling with anger because he was worried that Poe already had his next girlfriend lined up for the next time that he made a mistake, but he felt hurt. He had trusted Poe with a lot, he had grown to respect him and even care about him and if he even considered doing something like this, it wasn’t just Anna he was going to hurt because of all of this. With a loud shout, he heaved one of the rocks into the ocean, just trying to work through this anger in some way.

“Dax,” Poe approached gingerly. “You still mad I didn’t tell you about my spice runner days?” he joked nervously.  
“It doesn’t matter,” he said flatly.  
“Have I done something? I’ve done something, haven’t I?”  
“Promise me that you’ll go back to Anna.”  
“Of course, why would you eve-” it hit him. “This is about Zorii, isn’t it?”  
“You’re not just going to run off with her and forget that my sister is waiting for you.”  
“I would never do that to her.”  
“And if you screw everything up again, you won’t just run off with Zorii and leave her behind.”  
“No, Dax, what’s brought this on?”  
“The way you looked at her, the way she looked at you. If she was really that angry, she would have killed you in the street, it’s what I would have done, but she still loves you.”  
“I wouldn’t say love. As tough as she tries to act, as offended as she seems, she knows that I would never have done anything differently.”  
“You just up and left?”  
“I had to. I couldn’t sit there and run spice while children were being ripped from their families, while innocent people were being murdered, what kind of man does that?”  
Dax looked away.  
“I didn’t mean it like that, we all have different stories. I was raised on stories of my mum and what she did for the Rebel Alliance, I couldn’t proudly say I was her son and do nothing.”  
“If you had awful parents like me, maybe we’d have been friends sooner,” he tried to lighten the mood.  
“Valen and Dameron, real scourge of the galaxy,” he chuckled, placing a hand on Dax’s shoulder.  
“You found my sister instead, that’s a lot better,” he placed his hand on Poe’s shoulder.  
“She really is-”  
“Don’t, please don’t…” Dax smirked as he interrupted.  
“Just proves she’s got nothing to worry about, I could never stop loving her,” a dreamy smile crept onto his lips.  
“I get it, you’re lovesick,” he snorted. “How’s the Falcon looking?”  
“It’s not on fire, I guess that’s a plus,” he chuckled.  
“I’ll go give Chewie a hand,” he smiled.

Dax returned to the Falcon and started to help Chewie with the repairs while Poe stood on the cliff, watching the waves ahead of him and wondering how much longer they would have to keep fighting. He could feel his bones getting weary and he knew if he sat down that there was a possibility he wouldn’t be able to get up even though all he wanted to keep doing was fighting this war. He closed his eyes and simply felt the sea breeze on his face, letting it caress his skin as he drifted back to being with her, being in her arms and nothing mattering. Once all this ended, all he wanted was to lay with her forever. As his eyes finally opened, all he could see was the form of Kylo Ren before him. Instinctively, he reached for his blaster, shooting and it going straight through him. He wasn’t really there, simply an image.

“The Resistance’s greatest pilot, huh?” he taunted.  
“What are you doing here?” he barked.  
“How’s Anna?” he asked, his voice dripping with venom.  
Poe looked at him, dumbfounded.  
“She hasn’t told you,” he sounded smug.  
“Told me what?”  
“She once loved me. A passion burned hotter than it ever will for you. If she was worth more, she would be by my side.”  
“She’s worth a lot more than you are,” he spat, his fists clenching.  
“She doesn’t even fly any more, how much could she do? Fixing droids like her efforts would bring an end to me,” Poe could hear the smirk in his voice.  
Poe seethed, his lips tightening as he glared at him.  
Kylo snorted. “There’s a part of her that will never forget me. A part that will always compare you to me. Compare the way we kiss. Compare the way we hold her hand. Compare the way we brush that strand of hair from her eyes. But I’ll always be her first. The first kiss. The first love. The first person to taste her innocence.”  
Poe lashed out instinctively, throwing a punch towards the image, simply going through it.  
“I bet she imagines me with her, remembering how hot my touch was. One day, she’ll call my name instead of yours.”  
Poe closed his eyes, hoping that he would just go away.  
“Why do you think she never told you about me? But you told me about her. You told me how much she means to you and how she’s your entire existence,” he started to walk around Poe, stopping behind him. “But I’m hers,” he said in his ear.

Poe turned around to once more punch at the figure, not caring that it wasn’t really him, but just having to do something, but as he did, it disappeared. He couldn’t believe that he was letting this get under his skin right now since there were bigger things to consider, there were things that he had to push to the front of his mind over this. And yet now he couldn’t. She had opened up to him about so many things and yet this was something that he had to find out from someone who wasn’t even there. Instead of thinking about why he had been left out, he started to consider why she wouldn’t have spoken about it. Possibly, this was all too much for her to talk about, or maybe she couldn’t bring herself to admit it to him. For once, he wasn’t ready to kick off and start an argument but instead just wanted to get back to her even sooner.

An odd hush fell over the base as they all looked to Leia, none of them quite sure what was happening, but Anna knew exactly what this was. They had both been aware of the conflict that bubbled inside of Ben and it seemed that it was something they could take advantage of, they could bring him back to them. She wasn’t sure what it would mean for any of them if he did come back to them as they would still have to defeat Palpatine, but also what would happen between him and all the people who he had hurt with his actions. It was something they would have to sort out afterwards, they didn’t have time to consider what this would mean for everyone. Leia walked away from the crowds to be alone, fully aware that Anna was behind her.

“You’re going to try and reach him, aren’t you?”  
“I have to, my body is failing me,” she said sadly.  
“But you have to stay with us,” she held back tears.  
“Anna, I’ll always be with you,” Leia took her hand and smiled. “We’re all with you.”  
“There has to be something else we can do, anything but this.”  
“You and I both know there isn’t.”

A sadness washed over them. They had been forced into this situation and there was nothing else anyone else could do. Anna finally let it out, the tears rolling down her cheeks with silent sobs as she looked at the woman she admired the most in this entire galaxy. Leia touched her cheek lovingly, wiping a tear away with her thumb, giving her a smile to try and encourage her that this wasn’t the end of everything, just the end of her physical body. She didn’t want to leave her, she couldn’t let her do this alone, but knew that she had to, she knew that there was nothing she could do to help. At least this time she got to say goodbye without the traumas of the war forcing her to do it. She took Leia into a hug, sobbing quietly against her chest as Leia delicately stoked her hair.

“You’re going to be alright,” she kissed her on the forehead. “You’re a strong woman and when this is all over, you’re going to have the most brilliant future filled with love and light,” she took her shoulders, squeezing them gently.  
“Thank you,” she wiped the tears from her eyes. “Bring him home,” she said almost inaudibly as she turned to leave.

Leia knew that Anna couldn’t watch another person leave and so she simply watched her leave, her heart almost bursting with pride at who the little girl who used to tug at her dress had grown into. She was a human who made mistakes, but she owned up to them, she never gave up, always pushing herself to do the best for the people around her. A sad smile stayed on her lips, knowing that this was the time that she would have to sacrifice herself for the greater cause, something that so many before her had done and she turned, making her way to a quiet space so she could reach out to her son.

Anna knew that she was supposed to be working, that she should be trying to help the Resistance, but right now, she would have been of use to no one, her mind racing as she considered all the things that were about to happen. War was never easy, but why did it have to keep taking away the people she needed. Leia had always been a beacon of light and hope, someone who made her continue fighting despite people losing faith around her. She had been the only person who was instantly understanding at her shift from flying into mechanics and stood by her. She had been the one to show her the kindness that she tried so hard to emulate her entire life and now she was going to lose her.

The clearing she found herself in was far enough away for the activity of the base to be a distant murmur as she finally slumped against a tree and fell to the floor. It was almost as if her body was too tired to cry any more, not being able to give anything more after all the tears she had shed all this time. A small rustle drew her attention and she saw Rose appear through the trees, unable to even look up at her properly or offer a smile, only able to sit in silence as she sat beside her. Rose knew that Anna tried her hardest to prove that she was strong but she also knew how much this situation was going to be tearing her apart inside and simply offered her hand.

Instead of taking her hand, Anna leant forward and buried her head into Rose’s lap, the tears finally coming this time as she began to wail, pressing herself against Rose to muffle the sounds as much as possible as she laid on the floor. At first, Rose didn’t really know how to react, but soon enough she was trying to comfort her, holding onto her shoulder and brushing her fingers through her hair. There was no point in trying to say anything in this moment, she just let her feel all the things that she needed to, this wasn’t exactly something she could force to get over or snap out of, she just needed to feel it. 

Slowly, Anna started to sit back up, quiet sobs still slipping out as she looked back at Rose, trying to smile, but failing. Rose carefully placed a hand on her shoulder with a warm smile, letting her know that all of this was okay; she was allowed to feel this. The two of them sat in silence while Anna started to wipe her eyes on the sleeves of her overalls, sniffing loudly as she finally seemed to regain her composure. She looked to Rose and took her hand, silently thanking her for what she had done, both of them realising that this was becoming something more than just two people who were on the same planet and before all of this, she would have pushed her way, but instead, she drew her into a hug.

As they held onto each other tightly, Anna could feel her heart sinking in her chest and she knew that this was it, that was the moment that Leia was no longer with them. It took all of her effort to not start crying again, but she held it in. Now was not the time to continue crying and to indulge in emotions when they still had a war to win. As they pulled back from the hug, she gave Rose a nod, watching her stand and taking her hand to stand up and the two of them made their way back to the main fray of the Resistance. Everyone surrounded Leia’s body, paying their respects as Rose continued to hold onto Anna, making sure that she was going to be okay.


	21. There's Some Hope Left In It Yet

Eventually, the two of them made their way back to their little work post, but it didn’t take long for Anna to start getting restless again. Rose couldn’t help but just stare at her for a moment and then tell her to go for a walk, or do something to get rid of the nervous energy that was bubbling inside of her. No one could place their finger on what was going on except just assuming she was nervous about everything that was going to come next in the general Resistance’s final push. Part of her knew what was coming next and that they would be planning an attack on Exegol if they could finally locate it and it would be the time when an extra pilot could be useful. Without realising, she had made her way back into her workshop and stood in front of her truck on belongings.

Anna knelt down in front of it and cracked it open, the first thing she could see were all the old holographs of her and the people from the past. Her father smiled up at her, her old squadron grinned like children, Jal made a rude gesture, Ben looked at her like she was the only woman in the world, Leia and Han gave her that disappointed yet jovial look, Finn and Rey were frozen in conversation, unaware they were being captured, and Poe was posing with a little knowing smirk he was getting a kiss soon. All those memories were what she wanted to protect and now the only thing she could think to do was to keep fighting like she had before instead of sitting back and letting everyone else take action.

Pushing aside the holographs, she saw the folded up flight suit, and she had to catch herself for a moment to stop herself from crying. It was dusty, the usual brightness of the orange faded, a few little blood spots across the chest, and the good luck pin Aldo had once given to her. She could hear someone approaching and looked up to see Snap smiling down at her, knowing exactly what she was looking at. He crouched down beside her, his eyes glancing back at the flight suit for a moment and then to her.

“So is this why you’ve put that X-Wing outside?” he asked casually.  
“You noticed, huh?”  
“Of course I would, you put a Mark Two out, I’m going to notice, even with all this madness going on,” he smirked. “Dameron know?”  
She looked away from him. “I… I didn’t want him thinking about it, you know? He’s got enough to deal with right now…”  
“How are you gonna ask him?”  
She snorted. “I’m not asking for permission, I’m telling him, he has no choice in the matter.”  
“I suppose that’s what he would expect from you,” he smirked softly. “Are you ready?”  
“I have to be, don’t I? We need crafts in the sky, we need whatever we can get,” she looked at him sternly.  
“But you haven’t flown in a while, think you’ll remember how?” he joked.  
“You asking seriously here or forgetting that I used to out-fly you at every chance I got,” she nudged him playfully.  
He lost his balance slightly and sat down on the floor. “Alright, little miss “I own the skies”, I get it,” he smiled brightly.  
She sat beside him. “You don’t think he’ll be mad, do you?” a small amount of fear in her voice.  
“Mad? Oh, of course not, I think he’ll just be worried. He loves you and just wouldn’t want to lose you.”  
“None of us want to lose people, but that’s war, I can’t sit back and let everyone else play a part while I just sit back and wait for you to come back.”  
“You’re a fighter, we all know that, he’ll understand.”  
“I hope so,” she sounded sad.  
“He will, and if he doesn’t, well, he has no choice, you’re still gonna do it.”  
“You make a good point,” she smiled sadly. “Do you think I’ve made the right decision?”  
“Does it really matter what I think?” he looked at her seriously. “But yeah, you have. You always know what’s best for you. And if you’re going to regret staying behind, then you definitely should go,” he gave her a little firm nod.  
“Someone’s gotta show you flyboys how it’s really done,” she winked.  
“You’re gonna need a flight suit.”  
“Still got my old one,” her smile was ever-so sullen.  
“Then you only need one more thing,” he grinned.  
“Yeah?” she asked, already knowing what it would be.

Back when they were both flying, the two of them started a ritual for whenever the other would go on a mission, something neither of them had done for years. Before either of them left the base, they would always punch the other in arm playfully, and the other would promise to return the favour when they came back. With a twinkle in his eyes, he punched her ever so slightly on the arm and watched as she over reacted in that adorable way she always did and then shoved him playfully.

“I’ll get you back for that, just you watch until we finish this mission, Wexley” she grinned.  
“Oh, I look forward to it, Rodgas,” he grinned back.

The respect they had between each other was growing even more and there was something about her that he knew he was always going to admire. She couldn’t help but smile as she watched him for a moment, just now realising how much love she had been filled with because of all the people around her. For one more moment, the two of them just looked at each other and then finally, she gave in, throwing her arms around him and pulling him close. As the two of them hugged in the workshop, they pushed that feeling that this could be the last time they would ever see each other, and instead just bathed in the happiness of this moment.

“See you in the sky, flygirl,” he nudged her playfully.

He got to his feet and gave her a little wave as she returned to searching the box for something else, something that she wanted to give to Poe before they left. It was the badge her father had been honoured with when he retired from flying that he gave to her. It had always been her good luck charm and the one thing that she ever felt might have had magical powers. But she had to stop looking as she heard the footsteps behind her, trying to cover up the exposed flight suit as best she could.

“What is it Poe?” she asked, her voice hoarse.  
“How did you know it was me?” he watched her.  
She stood, turning to him. “I just know what you sound like,” her features softened.  
“Leia made me General,” he sounded lost.  
“She believes in you,” she approached, taking his hand. “We all do.”

He couldn’t explain how scared he was, he had to stay strong for her, but Kylo’s words still played in his mind as he looked down to the way her hand wrapped around his. Did she really still think about her time with him while she laid next to him? Now was not the time to talk about it or even bring it up, all of that fading away once he’d realised that her eyes were puffy and tired looking. He had wished that he could be there for her, that he could have held her, but the galaxy was cruel. At least he was here now and he brought her into a tight hug, just holding onto her for a moment, a moment they could hold onto before he had to start planning their next moves.

“What happened to your arm!? Are you alright?”  
“It’s nothing, just a graze,” he lied coolly. He tried to find the words to say to her, searching in her eyes and getting lost.  
“Go, they need you,” she smiled sadly.  
“You not coming?” he was a little confused.  
“There’s something I need to do, I’ll come and find you.”  
He let go of her hand, ready to leave.  
“I love you,” she said quickly, kissing his cheek.

He didn’t even get the chance to pull her back when she slipped off to carry on whatever she had been doing before he arrived. He just stood there and took her in, watching her as the words replayed in his head, her sweet tone ringing those three little words it felt he had waited an eternity to hear. Finally he left, a smile still on his lips as he rejoined everyone else, finding out what they needed to do next, leaving Anna to whatever she had to do. She mumbled to herself, trying to remember all the things she needed, running through the list in her head over and over.

She dove back into the box and pulled the orange jumpsuit out and placed it onto the bed, laying it out, already picturing herself back in it. This was it and she knew it, she had to get into the air and she would have to fly, for the Resistance. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest fiercely, her head racing with a million different thoughts, considering how this may happen. The nerves faded ever so slightly as she finally saw the small badge and she held it in her hand. Her father came into her mind, reminding her what a fine pilot she was, what a true fighter she was and most of all, what a spirited person she was. She was going to be fine, no matter what happened. She slipped the badge into her pocket and closed the box.

Returning to the melee, she searched the crowd, spotting a few gathered around a console, seemingly looking at a map. As she approached, she could see that it was a mess of a map, something that would most likely be a very dangerous flight and she swallowed hard, not knowing if she was really up for something this intense. A blip appeared on the screen, Luke Skywalker’s old X-Wing and the hope bubbled back up inside of her. They could follow that flight path and they would be golden, finally able to get to Exegol and to take their last stand, bringing the fight to them. Finn knew it was Rey and she could see the wheels turning to make the plan.

Everyone gathered around, listening as Poe and Finn began to give out the information, letting everyone know that the First Order were currently without shields, only able to put them up once they left Exegol which meant they were defenceless. As everyone mumbled amongst themselves, she carefully slipped behind Poe, taking his hand so he knew that she was at least with him on this. An air team and a ground team would work to take out the navigation tower and then destroy the cannons. They needed more pilots and Chewie and Lando were going to be the ones to get them.

“We got friends out there, they’ll come if they know there’s hope,” distinct murmurs of disagreement came from the crowd. “They will! First Order wins by making us think we’re alone, we’re not alone,” he finally acknowledged Anna’s hand, flashing a small smile to her over his shoulder. “Good people will fight if we lead them.”  
The base suddenly erupted into movement as people started to prepare for the coming fight while Anna pulled Poe back. “I’m coming with you,” she said defiantly.  
“No, Anna, you can’t, you need to stay here, you need to be here when we come back, we don’t know how quickly we’ll need to pack up and leave, I need you running things from here.”  
“Not happening, I’m flying whether you tell me I can or not,” she wouldn’t budge.  
“Please don’t do this,” his voice wavered.  
“You said it yourself, good people will fight. We need more pilots out there, I’m a pilot, let me do this,” she demanded.  
“I don’t want to lose you,” he finally confessed.  
“You’re not going to, before you came along, I was the best pilot around here,” she teased, squeezing his hand gently.  
“Nothing I say is going to stop you, is it?”  
“Not in the slightest.”  
He let go of her hand. “Promise me something?”  
“What?”  
“If we come back from this, promise we’ll stay together.”  
“Until the end of the galaxy.”  
He pulled a chain from around his neck and offered it to her. “It was my mother’s wedding ring, take it with you.”  
Her lips fell apart as she looked at him, her eyes welling with tears. Happy tears. Without a word, she took the ring on the chain and held it close. “Only if you’ll do one thing for me.”  
“Anything.”  
She produced the small badge from her pocket that belonged to her father. “Wear this,” she held it out for him.  
He took it, holding it for a moment before closing his hand around it. “It would be an honour,” he smiled.

She placed a hand on the back of his neck as she pulled him closer for a kiss, wondering if this was the last time that they were going to be able to do this, if either of them would be forever carrying the weight of the loss. It didn’t wholly matter right now, right now what mattered was flying this mission and making sure that the food guys were the ones to come out victorious. They both embraced each other for what could be the last time and then went off, getting ready to do what they both did best. She rushed back to her workshop, getting back into her old flight suit and suddenly feeling the calm wash over her trembling body. Placing the chain around her neck, she was ready.

“So, you’re flying, huh?” Dax asked from the doorway.  
Anna grabbed him for a hug. “I have to.”  
“I know,” he smiled. “You’re gonna be great out there.”  
“You not flying?”  
“Ground team, you know I’m better at punching than flying,” he chuckled.  
“We’ve all got our skills,” she grinned slightly.  
“I know goodbyes and all that stuff is pointless, especially if we make it back, but I’m glad I found you, I hope you know that.”  
“I always knew,” she smiled absently. “And you know you’re the best big brother ever, right?”  
“Goes without saying,” he winked. “Now go do your heroics,” he smirked.  
She stood up on her tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

It had been years since she flew and was more than a little rusty at first, the old X-Wing fighting her at first, almost like it wasn’t happy to have a new pilot in it. Thankfully, it didn’t take too long for her to shake out the cobwebs and finally get back into the swing of things, her mind clearing and the controls feeling like an old glove. Suddenly, she felt free once more as her heart soared and her past faded away into the darkness of the sky and just let the flight be the only thing that mattered in this moment. With expert precision, she followed behind Poe, following the trail that Rey had given them, the way to make their way through the electrical storm that had caused true devastation to the skyline.

The true force of the First Order washed over her as she could see the crafts, they filled the entire air space and she would have sworn that they were never ending, but instead of the dread and fear filling her, she let the hope pour in, the fact that they were going to be able to do this. She flew close to the carrier, making sure to draw fire and protect them, they were the most important thing right now and once they had landed, it was all about making sure that they weren’t outnumbered. The calm concentrated her, only able to focus on taking out the enemy transporters before they could land, but having to change targets once she was joined by TIE Fighters.

An undeniable smirk appeared on her lips as she began to do the things that she had once been infamous for, flying around one of the Star Killers to draw the TIE Fighter in her direction. Before they knew what had happened, she had turned quickly to fire at them and watched as they crashed out of the sky. There was never time to celebrate as another appeared, chasing her through the sky as she swerved to avoid being hit, looking to a fellow pilot who took them out for her. But it wasn’t long before the creeping doubt started to rush through them.

Maybe this was the end of them, but that didn’t mean it was the end of the Resistance. This would be a story that was going to live until the ends of time and everyone would remember when they wouldn’t give up, even when all hope felt like it had been snuffed out, and that’s what she was going to fight for right now. She no longer felt like she was fighting for survival, or that she was going to fight for the people she loved, she was fighting for the survival of the entire galaxy; she was fighting so that they would one day find the hope to once more stand against the First Order when they had the strength to do so.

As she continued to shoot as many TIE Fighters as she could, she couldn’t help but notice they never seemed to stop coming. The old Anna would have admitted defeat, simply closing her eyes and waiting for the end to come, but this Anna, she wasn’t going to let a few First Order scum stop her from going out this easily. Flying straight up, she dodged laser fire and then completed a loop in the air with such precision, it was a shame no one saw it. She then fired at all the ships that were once behind her, hitting every single one. That was until her own craft was hit and the engine started to fail.

“Poe,” her voice cracked over the radio.  
“No, no, no,” his eyes already filling with tears.  
“It’s okay,” she said calmly. “I’m only one person in this thing, there’s more people out there, never give up hope, please,” she pleaded with him.  
“You can’t leave me like this,” he begged.  
“I’m hit pretty bad, but it’s okay, who’d thought it’d be me dying doing the heroics.”  
A chuckle escaped through his tears.  
“You’ll be okay, you’re always okay.”  
“I love you,” he choked out.  
“I know.”

Almost as gracefully as she had been flying, her craft continued to fall from the sky until it eventually hit the ground of the planet. Poe looked around, seeing more people perishing under fire and he couldn’t believe how foolish he had been to pin his hopes on something he wasn’t even sure existed. They had always thought that people cared for this cause, but maybe fear was going to be the thing to win out in all of this and the Resistance was going to fade from everybody’s minds eventually. He tried to compose himself, holding back the tears for his own stupidity. Despair had finally set in and he knew that this was the end of all of them.

“My friends, I’m sorry,” he struggled to even speak. “I thought we had a shot, but there’s just too many of them...”  
“But there are more of us Poe, there are more of us,” the comforting tones of Lando coming over the radio.

As quickly as the hope had left him, it returned as he flew up to see how many people were willing to fight along side them, all the people that were finally able to stand up and take on the First Order. He gave his orders to blast as many of the cannons as they could and his head was back in the fight, realising that Anna had been right. He had to stop giving up his hope, he needed to sit back and truly believe despite things looking like they weren’t going to work out. He needed to keep faith in other people and the things that they were capable instead of believing that he was the only one who could take action and make things happen. He had to win this fight for her.

It had been her hard work along with Rose that had made them realise that the minute they hit the cannons in the right place, it would send a blast through most of the Star Killers and knock it out of the sky. One of his hands found it’s way to his chest, pressing against the badge for a moment and then flying with more life than he ever had before. The good feeling didn’t stop as he found out that Zorii had survived the destruction of Kijimi and she was now here, fighting along side the cause that he truly believed in. He just wished that Anna could have seen all of this.

Lightning flew through the air and suddenly, every Resistance ship was in freefall, no one able to gain control as their electronics seemed to be fried. No one knew what was happening and all they could do was to give in and wait. Poe swallowed hard as his eyes slipped closed; maybe he was going to be with Anna sooner than he expected, but then he thought that was possibly a better idea than living out the rest of his days with her. The craft was utterly useless and all he could do was wait for the eventual end unless something drastic was going to take them out of this. He wasn’t sure which outcome he would prefer.

As the lightning seemed to vanish as quickly as it had appeared, he no longer had the time to consider himself, he had to get back to being the leader that Leia wanted him to be. All of the other crafts burst back into life and everyone followed the order to carry on taking out the cannons while they waited for the signal from Finn that the navigation was definitely taken out. Except he didn’t need to confirmation, watching as one of the ships burst into a fireball and that was it. Was that really it? Had they finally come out on top in this situation?

From the ground, Anna shifted in the burnout X-Wing, unable to really comprehend how she had survived such a crash, but she didn’t question it. She strained to breathe as she watched the fireball erupt across the sky and thought that maybe that’s why she was still here, her brain not able to let her slip away until she had finally watched the light of the First Order finally being snuffed out. With one final movement, she took off her helmet and felt the air of the planet on her face for once last time. Her eyes slipped closed, the darkness feeling comfortable, like it was the place that she belonged now and that she would finally be able to rest.

“You can’t give up now,” a familiar voice floated on the wind.  
“You’re not real,” she mumbled, keeping her eyes closed.  
“Open your eyes and see, I’m really here,” he knelt before her.  
Her eyes opened ever so slightly and she saw Ben, a blue glow around him and a wave of calm stopping her from spitting at him for all he’d done to the galaxy. “Why are you here?”  
“To tell you to hold on, don’t slip away just yet, they’ll come for you, you’ll survive.”  
She could feel her life force draining, the blood seeping out of a number of wounds. “I doubt that,” she snorted, coughing instantly, blood dripping from her mouth.  
“Rey told me you forgive me,” he changed tact, hovering a ghostly hand near her shoulder.  
“You had a moment of weakness that they took advantage of,” she winced, the pain searing through her body. “I may have done the same, I can’t hate you for that,” she looked at him.  
“That’s why you’re a better person than me,” he smiled. He watched as her eyes slip closed again. “Don’t you dare, fight for them, fight for the man you love,” he demanded, wishing he could shake her out of this.  
“Anna, is that you?” Poe voice crackled through the radio  
“Poe,” she mumbled quietly.

Chatter on the radio drowned out most of Anna’s conversation with the Force ghost, but Poe was almost certain that he could hear her voice, wondering if it was just his mind playing tricks on him. That was undeniably her and by some kind of miracle, she had survived and he was going to find her and bring her home, no matter what it took. Lando was currently handling rescuing Finn, and so he made his way down to the surface of the planet, ordering everyone to make their way back to base and he would catch up with them when he could, his mind drifting to whether he really would.

He found her wreckage, landing close to it as he leapt out and ran to her side, skidding on his knees as he drew her close to him. She was still warm, but barely responsive right now as he tried speaking to her. This wasn’t the way it was going to end. He tore at her flight suit without thinking and tried his best to stem the flow of blood as best he could with what he had, knowing that this wasn’t going to do much, he had to get her to someone who could do something. He shook the feeling that someone was watching them as he scooped her up into his arms, carrying her to the X-Wing and getting it. It was a tight fit, but it didn’t matter, he held her close to him on his lap, begging her to stay with him, to just hold on for just a little bit longer.

This wasn’t the time for a daring escape or something stupid, this was the time for simple and safe flying, making sure to get back to the base as quickly as he possibly could. He landed and rushed from the craft, carrying her limp body as her breathing had almost come to a stop and someone took her from him before he could say anything, rushing her to somewhere they could work on her away from everyone else. Her blood had stained his clothes and spotted over his hands, he desperately tried to rub it away, his eyes filling with tears once more as he couldn’t even bring himself to comprehend what had happened on the planet. They had won but the loss was starting to play on his mind.

Everything was passing around him in a blur, not being able to focus on anything as all he could think about was how he had killed the woman he loved. He was shaken out of it quickly as he felt the warm touch of Finn, wrapping an arm around his neck, and then Rey’s arms slipping around his waist as the three of them embraced. He was still thankful that they were the people he had around him, that they had made it through all of this, but he couldn’t quieten his mind. How could he live with himself after all the losses they had suffered? He knew that death was just a by-product of war and that everyone knew what they had signed up for when they were fighting, but he had led them to this.

Everyone else congratulated each other and the joy spread through the camp as everyone began to celebrate, but he just couldn’t, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Walking to the medbay was going to be a stupid idea, he knew it was just an intense form of torture since he would be absolutely useless, but he wanted to see her, he wanted to see if she was okay. He breathed in deeply, bringing his hands to his face to stop himself from crying again, wishing that he could just do something of use for once. Dax paced outside the medbay, waiting for something, anything so he knew that his sister was going to survive this time. Poe expected a shove, a punch, something that he deserved but instead was swallowed by a hug, falling limp into his strong arms.

Dax held him, feeling his body shake as he let the sobs out, but Dax refused to cry, crying meant that he was ready to say goodbye and he wasn’t. He would stand strong and hold Poe close, making sure he knew he was there to take the weight of this for both of them so he could let his tears flow. He held him upright, realising that he wasn’t able to stand on his own feet, his body weighing him down as he still convulsed. He couldn’t let the state of his friend weaken him, he had to carry him through this so they would both be able to help her get better. Making a judgement, he started trying to carry him away to somewhere else, anywhere, but there was resistance.

“I’m not leaving her.”  
“There’s nothing you can do here, you need to rest, you need to breathe.”  
“No, she needs me here, so she comes back to me.”  
“She needs you to be at full strength when she wakes up.”  
“What if she doesn’t?” his voice shrank.  
“She will, Anna won’t die on anyone’s terms but her own.”  
“What if this is her terms?” he choked through tears.  
“Dameron,” he grabbed him by the shoulders, “snap out of this, right this second,” he almost barked. “What has gotten into you?”  
“She’s never got him out of her head.”  
“Who? What are you babbling about?”  
“Kylo…” he looked away.  
“Anna and… him?” Dax was completely shocked by all of this.  
“He was her first love, she’s never been able to shake him, it’s why everything has been a fight, because she can’t let him go.”  
“We all have a past, I was a bounty hunter, you were a spice runner, she loved someone else,” he looked at him, waiting for him to look up. “She loves you, and only you.”  
“She carries him in her heart, there isn’t room for me.”  
“If there isn’t room for you why did she fly for you? Why has she spent countless days by your side? Why is she wearing your mother’s ring?”  
“He’s still with her, he’s part of her, she’ll always carry him,” he babbled, almost incoherently.  
A sharp crack echoed through the base as Dax slapped Poe across the face. “Pull yourself together,” he ordered.  
Poe just looked at him, dumbfounded.  
“She is laying in that bed fighting for her life and there’s only one person she wants to see and it’s not me, and sure to the stars, it ain’t Kylo kriffhead. It’s you.”  
Poe had no response.  
“You’re no use like this, get some rest and come back later once she’s out of surgery.”  
“How can I sleep when she’s like this?”  
“Close your eyes, your body will do the rest.”

He didn’t believe him, but he also knew it was pointless arguing with him, and so he finally stopped pushing back. With Dax’s help, he made it back to his bunk on unsteady feet, collapsing in a heap once he knew the bed was beneath him. He didn’t realise how much his body was screaming for rest, for him to stop moving so he could recover from such a tense twenty four hours. Dax had been right, his body shutting down as soon as his head touched his pillow since he’d been running on fumes for a while now. It wasn’t peaceful or relaxing, it was just necessity as the blackness overcame him, nothingness forcing him to reset his systems.


	22. Chapter 22

It felt like just a few minutes, but he’d been out for hours, waking up with a start as he tried to catch his breath, Dax coming to his side quickly to comfort him. He was able to calm his breathing, concentrating on what was around him in the moment, and breathed one last deep breath to stop himself from crying once more. Reality was settling back into his mind and he didn’t want it, he wanted this all to be a bad dream. He tried hard to get it together, to keep the pieces of him in one place, but he could already feel the shakes starting to take over his body. He had to see her, he had to make sure she was still holding onto whatever life still pulsed through her.

He tried to pull himself to his feet but he just wasn’t strong enough to do it just yet, Dax coming to his aid and helping him up, bringing an arm under him so he could lean on him. Together, they made their way back to the medbay as other people started to gather around and both of them sank for a moment, worried that it was going to be the worst news. Finn looked to Poe with a warm smile, one that filled him back up with hope as he explained that Anna made it through and she was just resting now, waiting for her body to regain its strength. If Dax hadn’t been there, he would have collapsed to the floor and sobbed more and more, thanking whoever had looked over her to make her get through this. Instead, Dax simply nodded sternly and dragged his limp body through to her, setting him down on one of the chairs by her bed.

He had never truly noticed how delicate her body looked, this moment taking all of the strength and fire he saw burning away from her. Even when she slept she looked like the kind of person who would simply wake up and punch you in the throat if you were too close. Right now, she was lifeless and it scared him, wishing the colour would come back to her pallid skin, or that he could see just a flash of what made her who she was. Instead she was just still and it scared him. The doctor told him that she was vaguely aware of things going on as she slipped in and out of consciousness, but she wouldn’t have the strength to reply, even if she wanted to. He looked up to Dax like a lost child, but he could tell that this was finally hitting him and gave him a nod, letting him know that he could go if he needed to.

Even the warmth from her body had gone as he took her hand, her touch icy. It was okay, it was going to be okay because he was going to be her warmth, he was going to be the strength she needed to come back to him. He traced a thumb over the back of her hand, knowing that it wouldn’t bring her back to them, but he was going to at least let her know that he was there and he wasn’t going anywhere. No matter how long it took her to wake up, how ever long it took for her to be back to her old self, he was going to be by her side. Even if the words that Kylo had said still played in the back of his mind, he wasn’t ready to give up on her just yet.

Dax just couldn’t do it. Seeing her in that way just took the life out of him and he knew that if he stayed in that room, he would just end up going insane. In the short period of time that he had got to know her, he had always seen her as a fighter and lying in that bed was no way to keep fighting. He wasn’t buying into the idea that she was going to give up and just let her life fizzle out like that, he knew she was going to survive this, but he just couldn’t bring himself to sit at her bedside and wait. There was only one thing he could do and that was just to work through his frustrations in the small training ground, just to get all of his anger out on the galaxy for doing this to the one thing that had changed his life in a way he would never have imagined.

His jacket came off quickly and he started to box with the training dummy, punching it repeatedly to just try and work through the anger. He never set out to care about people, he never came here to make friends and part of him deep down had kind of hoped that his sister was an awful human, but she wasn’t. But then why else had he really come looking for her? Of course he had been looking for a better life, for a reason to live instead of just existing. She gave that to him and not just with her ache for the galaxy to be soft and gentle once more, but also with all the love and friendship with so many other people he never expected would care for him, but they did.

Good people like her should never have to sacrifice themselves and while he knew that there had been other good people to die because of this war, this wasn’t just anyone; this was his sister. He had come to the conclusion that he was just going to have to stay here and keep throwing punches until she woke up because if he stopped, there was a chance that he was going to breakdown. He was so pent up and involved that he didn’t hear Rose approaching from behind, only being able to let the anger consume him in this moment, flashes of old ruthlessness and uncaring Dax trying to take back control.

Hesitant to approach him when he was like this, Rose still did, carefully placing a hand on his shoulder and feeling tense for a moment before he turned around to look at her. All she could see in his eyes was a pure rage burning but in a flash it was gone and the softness returned, his eyes starting to well up. Everyone dealt with things in different ways and most of the time, he simply would react with violence as a first instinct, but she wanted to show him that it was okay to be vulnerable, to be honest with himself. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her own worry for Anna bubbling, but not quite at the point of spilling out. Almost instantly she could feel his arms around her, holding her close as he still held back the tears.

It took a few moments, but he finally started to cry silently, still holding it back slightly as he tried to be strong for those around him, but this was at least a start. She tried to comfort him, telling him that it would be okay, but that wasn’t the thing that was making him so emotional over all of this. His optimism told him that it would all work out fine, that she would live, but it was the things that came with waiting for her to wake up and worrying if she would still be the same person after this. He held Rose tighter and just hoped that none of this was going to change, that after all of this, he would still have a sister who loved him for him, that he was still going to have all the friends that cared for him, and that Rose wouldn’t see him differently. As her grip tightened around his waist, he could feel a small amount of comfort that maybe this was just another little blip and they were going to get out of this okay.

It was a few days as everyone waited with baited breath, no one wanting to really talk about it, but most people realised that this was the only thing that was on everyone else’s mind. Dax was still keeping it together as well as he could, helping Finn with sorting things out to start slowly making their way back to civilisation and beginning to rebuild all the things that the First Order had destroyed. No one else entered the medbay apart from the medics who would tend to Anna, making sure that she was okay and trying to keep Poe at full strength as he spent every moment with her that he could. He refused to leave her side, holding her hand the entire time, even while he dozed in the chair, hoping that one of the times he opened his eyes would be the time that she would pick to wake up with him.

He was leaning over, his forehead pressed to her hand as he forced himself to not sob while he waited, feeling like only half a person without her life keeping him going. He pleaded with her quietly to wake up, hoping that maybe she would hear him and come back to him. As he drew back, still holding her hand, he watched her eyelids flutter ever so slightly and he could already feel his heart starting to skip beats. He didn’t know how much energy it would take her to wake up, but he willed it, wishing he could push his own life force into her if it meant she would finally wake up. Like she was waking up from a quiet slumber, her eyes slowly opened with a slight mumble and he was sure that his heart stopped for just a second.

“Ben,” she mumbled quietly, confusion in her voice.

In that moment, the heart that was once fluttering with hope was shattered into pieces, anger coursing through his veins, sadness flowing through his heart. He had been right all along and she was still holding onto that one love from her past, it had been why things never really worked out for her past relationships and it was the real reason she pushed him away all that time. All the time they had been next to each other and she had placed soft kisses on his skin, she had been wishing that he was someone else. Every time she moaned, she thought about him. Every time she held his hand, she had wished it was his. He couldn’t believe that he had ever been so foolish to believe that all she needed was his love to feel content.

“Poe,” her tone softer as her vision finally cleared, squeezing his hand.  
“I’m here,” he tried so hard to not sound hurt.  
“How long have I been out?” her voice still slow and slurred.  
“A few days.”  
“How bad was it?”  
He couldn’t answer.  
“You stayed this entire time?”  
“I wanted to be here when you woke up.”  
“I’m glad you’re here,” she mustered a smile with the little energy she had.  
He couldn’t look at her.  
“You came for me,” a flash of memories coming back.  
“I heard you on the radio,” he said sadly.  
“You heard me talking?” confusion spread in her voice.  
“Just about, but I knew it was you.”  
“That was real?”  
“What was real?”  
“Ben… he was really there?”  
“Anna, what are you talking about?”  
“When I crashed, I saw him. He told me to hold on, that you were coming to get me, that I couldn’t give up because you would come,” her eyes filling with tears.  
“Of course I would, I love you,” he tried to sound strong, but his voice cracked.  
“Stupid flyboy,” even though she couldn’t smirk, he could hear it. “I was ready to slip away, I wasn’t going to fight it, but you kept me holding on.”  
“Not Ben?” he said with concealed contempt.  
“It was his words, but it was the thought of you. The thought of getting to wake up next to you at least once more.”  
He was a fool.  
“He’s the past, you’re my future,” her voice weak from using too much energy.

He couldn’t believe that he had let Kylo’s words weigh heavy in his heart, that he believed what he had said to him. All this time, he had been jumping to conclusions and deciding what was happening around him without really knowing the extent of the situation. Anna hadn’t been ready to give up, but because he thought he understood everything, he believed it. She didn’t carry a torch for her first love any more, she had fought to stay alive so she could see him once more and all that doubt and worry began to finally melt away into nothingness. His eyes once more welled with tears, but this time it was tears of happiness that she was just here and with him and he didn’t have to worry about anything else.

He bowed his head in shame for just sitting back and assuming everything that he put together as truth, but was pulled out of it when he felt her tugging at his hand, trying to pull him closer. He rose out of his seat and leaned on the bed, looking down at her and seeing the life burning in her once more. She wanted nothing more than to reach up and pull him closer, finally kissing him, but her body just didn’t have the strength to, only able to look at him and hope that he understood he was the only one she would ever see. She wanted to move, to just be able to do something and now her body wouldn’t comply and all she could manage was a frustrated sigh. She was back to being useless and she tried to fight it once more, forcing herself to lean forwards to reach for a kiss.

A searing pain shot through her chest as she let out a tiny whimper of pain, trying to ignore it so she could do what she wanted to do. Poe wouldn’t let her tire her body out, he couldn’t watch her stubbornness make her worse and so carefully pushed her back, laying her back down in the bed and giving her a stern look. All they could both do was wait until she was at full health and pushing it could mean it would take longer and longer each time. As that played on his mind, he was very delicate as he leant in, making sure not to push against her or to grab her roughly, finally placing a kiss on her lips, so thankful that he got to do that one more time. 

It was going to be a long road, but he knew that she was going to get there because she was stronger than he ever would be. But he worried that she would push herself too much and that’s why he knew he would have to stop her from exhausting her frail body. This couldn’t be rushed no matter how much she would want to stubbornly deny herself the time she needed. He could already see the frustration as she tried to move, trying to do something but unable to force herself to do it. He placed a comforting hand on her cheek, trying to stop her from exerting herself, watching as she settled slightly, giving into the tiredness of her body finally.

“You need to rest,” he almost ordered.  
“I can’t… I need to do something.”  
“There’s nothing to do, you can finally breathe.”  
“We won?” she almost forgot they had.  
“We won,” he smiled.

Her eyes began to well up, realising everything they had fought for had finally been worth it. They had spent all this time being the only people fighting and some had lost hope. But now, they had won. It was almost like a release of all the time she had spent scared and alone just came out in a silent stream of tears. All the people she had to watch die hadn’t died for absolutely nothing, their hope could live on and not be soiled by defeat. They could use the hope that they left behind to build a new life for everyone around the galaxy. He carefully wiped the tears from her cheeks as his owe eyes began to well. They had done it and they could pause and experience life together. 

If her body wasn’t still in recovery, she would have pulled him in close and kissed him, wanting to feel every bit of life she could while they still had it. All the time she had wasted being angry with him sat in her chest, wishing she could have forgiven him sooner so she could have held him all this time. Now she knew she would never let him go. Her mind couldn’t help itself as it drifted slightly, considering their life together now there was no war. She wouldn’t have to kiss him on the cheek and watch him walk away and spend the day hoping he would come back; they could lie in bed for hours and not feel the weight of the galaxy waiting for them to spring into action. Small moments could last hours instead fleeting seconds. They could plan for more than just the next few minutes and consider the next weeks, months, maybe even years.

“How many of us survived?” suddenly the rest of the galaxy finally crossing her mind.  
“We’ll talk about that another time, concentrate on yourself right now,” he said sternly.  
“Poe, answer me, please,” she almost begged.  
“You already have a lot to deal with yo-”  
“Don’t treat me like glass, tell me,” she looked at him with defiance.  
“Most people made it back, but we suffered some loses.”  
“What are you hiding from me?”  
“Snap didn’t make it back… and Mya was shot down…”

A hush fell over the room as she started to try and process what the war had taken from her over all of these years. While she wasn’t close to all of the pilots, she knew all of them by face and name and losing any of them was painful for her, but something really stuck in her throat about the loss of Snap. He had always been such a gentle man who just tried to do that best for everyone around him and she always loved that he was never scared to roll up his sleeves and give her a hand when things seemed to be piling up around the workshop. All she could think about now was how she was never going to get him back for the punch he’d given her in the workshop and she wanted to cry or laugh, or maybe both. She knew it was futile, but it didn’t stop her from wishing things were just different for all of them. That they could have all just lived in a small comfortable community and looked after each other and not had to deal with any of this.

“I really thought I was going to lose you,” he finally broke the silence.  
“I told you not to give up hope.”  
“I guess I never listen,” he smiled sheepishly.  
“That’s why I gotta stick around.”

She could finally make herself smile once again, but letting the chuckle rasp from her throat had been a mistake. It lodged in her throat just long enough for her to find it hard to regain her breath, choking on the bubble stuck there and the pain started to grip her chest. He tried to calm her, a delicate hand on her arm while the other still held her hand, hoping this would do something. As her tiny body shook, he could feel her mortality as he held her in his arms and it didn’t sit well at all. He never wanted to feel this way again, he wanted his strong fighter back in his arms.

She finally caught her breath and looked up to see one of the doctors already glaring between her and Poe. She needed rest and all she wanted to do was the things she once could. A very short argument with the doctor telling Poe to leave and both protested ended with him staying and promising that he wouldn’t do anything but let her sleep. Maybe he should have left, but all the time they spent apart, both of them would be going insane, wondering if the other was okay and if they should just see them for five more minutes. This was safer. Once more, against the doctor’s will, she had tugged him closer and he had found himself curled up next to her in the bed, but there was going to be no pulling them apart now.


End file.
